Spring is Here--Sort of? Maybe? But March Definitely is!

While February is hands down my favorite month, I am elated every time March hits as well. My oldest younger sister was born in March, the mainstage work I do for Gadfly Theatre is usually in March, and while I like winter, the seasons changing in general tends to help me hit a reset button. Granted, this year the latter hasn't been quite the steady rise I had hoped, but everything else stands!

 

February was wonderful, busy and hectic, but wonderful. I'm still in the middle of putting together a mainstage show about queer homeless youth and victims of sexual abuse. It was my birthday month which took me out for Mexican food and my favorite drag show with so many of my favorite people. That Pisces energy is hitting me pretty hard though, especially in light of the New Moon and eclipse and everything else. My PTSD is having some issues, but I'm also working through some emotions positively too. I'm a lot more in touch with my sensitive Pisces soul than I have been in a long time. I don't feel the need to play tough anymore, and I'm ready for real again--real feelings, real relationships, real, deep love of all types. I find myself welling up out of joy and gratitude AND fear and sadness at least a few times a day, but I'm letting myself have and experience that even though I've been trying to shove it down for the past couple of years.

Other things I've been up too:

  • Tarot Stuff: I've got this really short but powerful mini e-book for sale. It hasn't quite gotten the attention I'd hoped for, but everyone who has snagged one has loved it--so maybe you want to be one of those people? I'm still down at Eye of Horus on Wednesdays, and come April I'll be picking up Sundays too! After letting a good friend crash with us for a few months because of some work hubbub, I have my at home tarot studio back! I also got to read for some of the absolute cutest, sweetest people this month, saw a small boom in my e-mail business, and am talking to a few potential students for my newly revamped coaching package. See my services page to grab your own slot in any of that! I also had new headshots taken! Wheee!
  • Writing Round-Up! I really love some of what I did on the blog this month--plus the aforementioned e-book. My favorites beyond that are here and here. Additionally, some Queering the Tarot goodness--the Ten of Wands and Knight of Wands on different sites showed up, as usual. I also got to highlight one of my very favorite artists and get more insight from what drives her. I also got to research, write, and explore the beginning and growth of ball culture in the U.S. for Gadfly's latest Drunk Queer History. Even though a drunk storyteller doesn't quite get word perfect, I was really pleased with how it came out.
  • Theatre (and beyond): In addition to the hinted at work above with Gadfly (see our site for more), I'm in a WTF improv class at Huge Theater right now. I was absolutely terrified and super caught up in "OH MY GODS WHAT AM I DOING?" But I wanted a foundation to improve my storytelling, the quick one-minute play style of theater I love doing so much, and even just to learn some new tricks as an instructor and director. All of that happened and is happening, but I, um, think I've been bitten by this improv bug I was warned about...
  • Life Outside of Work! (That's a thing, sort of?): Because this has been a pretty emotional month, I'm a little all over the place in terms of goals like "reading a book a week" and doing things like squad hangs, but I had a few fun adventures. My birthday party at Lush was one of the most fun nights I've had in months, and I'm so grateful for the people in my life and that Lush like, exists and does such wonderful LGBTQ+ nightlife.
    • Favorite things I readTell My Horse: Voodoo and Life in Haiti and Jamaica by Zora Neale Hurston has lots of rich myth and culture about the oft misaligned voodoo. It reads as easily as any of her other work too. I also devoured Octavia's Brood, a speculative fiction collection inspired by Octavia Butler, mostly writers from marginalized communities. 
    • Favorite Things I Watched: Moonlight winning the Oscar for Best Picture was SO SO important to me. And that's the part I choose to focus on. Swiss Army Man was even weirder than I anticipated. I loved it.
    • Other Things I Loved: My hair went even bolder in it's purple, blue, and teal glory this time and I loooove it. Two of my best friends are obsessed with these tiny hands and overly large hands and any time they get broken out to play it's a good time. I finally tried Glam Doll NE thanks to some birthday fun, and they have some unique to that branch flavors and this ridiculous couch (pictured below) that I'm in love with. My brother sent me this deck for my birthday. It's stunning. I also worked some pretty hardcore magick this month (hence the first photo).

I have big goals for March: one event is down, but I have And Then They Fell opening. I want to get a second e-book, this one a little more substantial up. I have a couple of new regular series that will hit. And I'm determined to make it to a few shows I'm not directly involved with, in spite of the time crunch. And I can't wait to officially add a few decks to my repertoire, mostly this week or next: the Fairy Lights, Modern Spellcaster's, and eventually the Slow Holler (right now I feel really personally connected to the deck and using it elsewhere feels weird, but I do know it well enough by now), to be specific. I'm also pretty interested in a web overhaul but not promising that within the month.

Until then, blessed be! Feel free to share your own adventures. Love y'all.

Tiny Bursts of Bliss + A Whole Lotta Internet Love

What's up, witches?

Today what's taking up a lot of space in my brain amidst all the infuriated screaming and desires to "burn it all down" even if I'm not sure what "it" is is this: how important for centering yourself finding those moments that 99% of us do have in the day that are pure bliss and totally take us out of the otherwise agitated state we all live in right now. It can feel really selfish to incorporate things that make us so happy into our lives, but it's not, at all. For starters, what the hell are we even fighting for if we jump ahead of our oppressors in shoving our own happiness away? Second of all, nothing has made me feel as calm, centered, and ready to fight as the moments of contentedness and true happiness I'm able to steal away.

Earlier this week I had an awful stomach virus and my queerplatonic partner honestly took such ridiculously good care of me. I somehow felt so pampered and loved as I couldn't even keep water down. There were moments even then that I felt "oh, man, this is really, really what love looks like. It looks overwhelmingly like ginger beer and ritz crackers and so many hours of Friends reruns and picking up refills of Zofran, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." When the bug cleared I had the clarity and motivation to get lots of good tarot, writing, and stuff around the house done.

Example two: I have felt so scattered lately. I can't focus for more than a few moments here and there to save my life. I'm so angry about Standing Rock and trans kids not being able to use the right restrooms and 900,000 other things, and it's easy to spiral into a place of "nothing I can do from here matters anyway." In my little microcosm, I have about 75 things that really need done EVERY DAY and that's really overwhelming when you're coming off of sickness AND super invested in turning this sinking ship around somehow. Somehow I ended up curled up in a ball in my favorite oversized chair, a luxury I never knew I needed until I got one, with my window open. A really beautiful, cleansing breeze was blowing through and my giant orange cat (my absolute favorite breed, though I love my long haired brown babby just as much) was purring beside me and all of a sudden I thought "holy hell, this is a really beautiful moment." I was so happy for a few minutes, and when I came out of it and back to reality, I was able to steadily make deadlines for often important work all day. Those moments matter. They matter as much as a good night's sleep and drinking plenty of fluids for fighting this nonsense, and they matter for your own life.

Also I had some new headshots and stuff taken and some of them are pretty cute if I do say so myself! Done by Lauren Erchul in Minneapolis.

Now here's a really terrible segue into some rad stuff OTHER people wrote that piqued my interests this month:

From the "I just had a birthday, you know" gimme-gimme files.

Tarot Spreads and Other Such Treats: Stuff I should probably actually do/ A spread for making tough decisions/

A thing my non-queer-lady roommate probably wishes I hadn't found.

Theatre nerdery: I already posted the Angels in America oral history that I'm in love with, and a friend was kind enough to send me this one of Rent. I've been an unabashed Rent-head my entire adult life but even I found out some new stuff!/Why arts funders must protect marginalized communities (and how they can)/A hard but important read on arts funding and where it's going. TL;DR: support your local small peeps (hint, hint)

Birthday goodies: Seven questions to ask for your birthday every year. Really lovely, important self-care to treat yourself with every year!

Notes for the Revolution: Acts of rebellion you're probably already doing (but please do big things too!)/A REALLY important piece about institutional racism and how calling your city a Sanctuary City is really, really not enough/An examination of how using trans inclusion as a marketing scheme is actually not that great (shocking I know)/Why White America Demonizes Black Lives Matter/A beautiful conversation about Sandra Bland/Language matters--here's how to replace accidentally transphobic language./On reclaiming queer historical space/How to prep for a protest, and what to do if things do go south.

Writers on Writing: Unironically one of my favorite topics. Here Alex Franzen encourages us to tell our stories even when we feel we can't./An oldie but goodie: a Brand quiz to see how you should be focusing your business or freelance work

RadQueer Witch Stuff: I'm so blessed to have friends like J.Ryan who broach topics even I'm afraid to take on sometimes. This one is on the damage well-intending Pagans can cause to queer (and other) marginalized people/Not queer, definitelyprogressive: how things have changed for tarot readers in this political climate/The best spell collection I have ever seen/On being a witch in Trump's America

General Witch Stuff: Some of my favorite Chani Nicholas to date/A simple, sweet luggage spell for safe travel/Healing magick from a witch who's work is always on point

Just Because: I geek out about new life forms being found, and this one has a huge crystal bonus!/NOT A DRILL: Ancient Egyptian texts being translated in English for first time. I'm beside myself./Queer Appalachian art and literature (plus how to help!)/Some amazing work by queer women of color, for queer women of color

Mental Health and All That Jazz: Phone anxiety? Me too. This has some good insights./Apparently some trauma survivors MAY cope by overworking (looks around guiltily, hides under rock.)

Where I've Been: I've gotten some good stuff on this blog this month. My favorite is here + nab my mini e-book on Tarot for Healing here. I've covered some of my favorite artists over here (plus more on the way yet this month!) AND one of my favorites put me in her Tea Time Reading this month!

OH AND ONE MORE THING: IT'S COMING!!!

Blessed be y'all!

I Guess I'm 32 Now: A Pisces Reawakening

Birthdays are so weird for me. Most of my life I was the kid who invited the whole class to her party and only saw a handful of kids show up. This is in addition to other life circumstances hitting a head around the same time all the time and ultimately every year I end up panicking and heading into a downward spiral of low self-esteem and imposter syndrome about a week before and after the day. I'd like to tell you that I've overcome this cycle and now birthdays are fully a time of rejoicing and carousing, but I like to keep things authentic around here. What I will say is that in spite of my normal feels, I had a wonderful time getting Mexican food, drinks, and taking in some drag with a bunch of my closest friends, and that I was also genuinely touched to receive so many cards by snail mail (after friends were prompted by my queerplatonic partner, a sheer act of love on their part and so sweet of everyone to play along).

Now that I'm another year wiser (ha!) this is what I'm looking forward to manifesting and embracing this year: growth, healing and a stronger conviction to releasing my control over specific outcomes. However, as I do a buttload of reflecting (official New Age term, I promise ;) ) on entering Pisces season, being a Pisces with a Pisces Moon and a rising cancer, it's really important to me that I re-embrace the giant sea of water that I am again. I basically changed my entire life a few years ago, releasing that last bout of toxic friendships and jobs and being left with nothing to fall back on, financially or in terms of emotional support. It was hard, and at the time I thought maybe I'm being really stupid. But I did it, and I'm so glad. I've rebuilt my life, yet again, which is a Pisces trait but this time I want to do it all for real. I rebuilt a house with more walls and locks than windows or doors, and though I have loved just as freely, I have repressed nearly everything else as I paved my way to a new life. Fast forward four years and I have some of the most supportive friends and clients in the universe, and my writing and theatre and tarot practice have taken on a brilliant, magickal life of their own. Yet I so often sit in the center of this whirlpool denying the emotion it takes to do the work I do, and in denying my sensitive sea creature soul, I repress it. I don't want to do that anymore. There has to be a line between sobbing every day and entering yet another codependent relationship and keeping even those close to me outside of the walls I've built. I know there's a balance. I know there's a line. I've seen it, and I know what it looks like--and now it's time. It's time to rule with my heart and intuition, knowing that logic and brute strength are always there to fall back on, to stop trying to be tough and just be me.

I got drunk on my birthday. This would probably not be a notable event to almost anyone reading this. But because of how I behaved in front of ex-friends the last time I got drunk (and because of how they treated me after), I have only ever allowed myself a couple of cocktails (at most) in public since. This is not only notable, it is was a sign even to myself that allowing myself to be uninhibited (which of course you do not need alcohol for but for me this act was linked to a years long pattern of never letting my guard down) was long overdue. Do you know what new, amazing friends and artistic collaborators said the next day after such a brazen display of being vulnerable and very, very silly in public? That they had a great time at my party and hoped I had the best birthday ever. Not actually what I expected or had gotten used to at all. It's amazing what the right people in your life will do, and in truth, I know they've always seen me for the traumatized, hurt, overly emotional highly sensitive fish that I am. They've loved me for it all along, sometimes even begging to see it as I have insisted I am some sort of land bull or something. So this year, as my gift to myself and everyone I love, I am actually going to live as a Pisces and (gasp) even show it to people sometimes.

If you're also a Pisces babe: Happy Birthday! I love you deeply and cosmically, and everyone reading take note: this should be a time of love, whimsy, and deep healing and connection with self for ALL. The Sun in Pisces means for the next few weeks, we all learn how to swim in our deepest waters together.

Blessed be, y'all.

Tarot for Healing: An E-Book by ME!

Hello all!

I am involved in a really wonderful, beautiful project to benefit a crucial and timely organization. For it, I wrote a mini e-book (about 8 pages) about Tarot for Healing. It's three spreads, plus some pretty significant backstory about how I came to tarot. I'm really happy with it, and while I wait for the big project to unveil decided to make it available for $10--and because my heart really was in a giving place when I wrote it, 25% of all funds received ($2.50 per e-book) is going to be donated to Standing Rock.

*Deck featured is the Tangled Roots Oracle by Leora Effinger-Weintraub.

*Deck featured is the Tangled Roots Oracle by Leora Effinger-Weintraub.

How to Know if This is the E-Book for You
I did write this publication with individual trauma and grief in mind, but my life dealing with chronic illness filtered in too. If you have experience or concerns in any of those areas, OR if you have clients, friends, or partners you're always trying to better your readings for, this is definitely, definitely for you. It's also a great book for beginner and intermediate tarot readers looking for some different spreads and thoughts about what tarot can do.

Included in this Mini (but mighty) E-Book

  • My own backstory about tarot, trauma, and coming out of the closet and how they all correlate.
  • A spread for when you're still in the thick of a bad situation
  • A spread for processing grief, trauma, and even physical setbacks
  • A spread for when YOU are doing alright, but you're fave loved one? Not so much
  • Full color photos and sample readings of each spread

The Catch?
No catch! I will likely take sales of this product down once the major project launches, so you are on a bit of a vague but very real time crunch. Otherwise you'll get a (hopefully) lovely product by me and know that part of the money goes to support the water protectors at Standing Rock.

My technology is in a bit of a weird place, so we're going to use a streamlined by very old-school style of internet sales. To order this Tarot for Healing Mini E-book:

  • Send an email to snow.cassandra@gmail.com with the subject line "Tarot for Healing Order".
    • The body of the email should include your name, pronouns, and whether I have your permission to add you to my email newsletter or not.
    • The body of the email should also include how you plan to pay: PayPal, Venmo, and Square are your options. If you live in driving distance of NE Minneapolis, you may swing by my apartment building with cash during the weekday (except Tuesday) but that's not preferred. At all.
  • Once I send you my payment details via your preferred method, send your payment. You will receive your copy of the e-book within mere hours! (Give me a full day in case I'm slammed, but otherwise I can hit "attach" and "send" rather quickly.)
  • That's it! Enjoy! If you fall super in love with it and want to send a testimonial or review, please do. Otherwise, I leave you to the book's treasures.

Blessed be, y'all!

Hell Yes or No, Thanks: Some Musings + A Spread for Clarity

*Please note, cats are not relevant. Just adorable.

I read an obscene amount of, well, everything. Books, blogs, news, cereal boxes. I say this to say that I take in a HUGE amount of information, and yes, many of those are self-help books, business advice blogs, or all of the above directly related to the metaphysical, writing itself, or theatre. Yet for as well-read on the subject of success as I am, there are countless days that no matter how many times by how many important people I am told to do certain things (IE traditional networking, refusing to barter, or applying for every opportunity) that I just can not bring myself to do things the "right way". Maybe it's because the corporation who runs a giving foundation's ethics are far and away from what my grassroots theatre company believes in. Maybe it's because undercutting my competition AND setting prices inaccessibly feel equally icky to me. Or maybe it's because I'm rocking this three-or-more chronic illness life the best way I know how and I can not physically be "out there" as much as recommended. Or maybe it's because all of us are bombarded every day with a million choices of all sizes, and as much as we'd like to, saying yes to all of them is overwhelming at best and dangerous to ourselves at worst.

Still, even in forgoing a lot of advice, I live in a beautiful three bedroom apartment in an evolving part of a substantial mid-sized city with two spoiled cats and all the gourmet coffee I can handle. This is all paid for by my tarot and writing (and occasionally my art) even though I do not do every "right" thing and yes, actively choose to do things the "wrong" way sometimes. Everything I do at this stage of my life is incredibly intentional. I know firsthand how easy it is to just get in the habit of saying yes, and until I started really doing these gut checks we're about to talk about, I too ended up embarking on even major projects or ventures that I had no real desire to be in. I've known many people who've spent years saving up for something only to realize they didn't even want it that bad. Or who built a career and realized they hated their daily routine even if they loved their field. Or who looked at their calendar and realized they've been sleeping with someone who bores them out of their mind for eight months. (!!!)

Like anything else, there's a million different ways to address these various crossroads, and my way may not work for you at all. When I work with clients, however, and when I'm at a crux myself, I navigate all of these decisions from innocuous social life dilemmas to major life changes with two painfully simple questions. These are, in my experience, the ONLY questions most need to ask themselves when faced with basically any choice.  Before we start looking at that though, decision making usually requires getting into a good headspace first. I rarely recommend making decisions in the heat of the moment unless you are 1000% sure of the upcoming questions (though that does happen) immediately. So instead of pushing yourself to decide right then, wait until your next batch of meditation/prayer/solo time,  and take several deep, calming breaths. Clear your mind completely. If you need to light incense, pull your cat into your lap, or cover yourself in Florida Water, do that. Once calm, think about the choice or opportunity in front of you. Then ask yourself these two questions--and only these two questions.

"First of all, is this opportunity even possible?" This question is so simple but often goes unchecked. When anything comes your way and you're interested enough to consider it though, this is a necessary step. "Can I do this?" HOWEVER, it is so so crucial that we do not confuse that for either "Can I do this easily?" OR "If I rearrange my whole life including everything that's important to me, is this technically possible?" This step can and should include your emotional and spiritual reality, and shouldn't drain your savings (unless you're really, really okay with that) or uproot everything you hold sacred. Sometimes you can't say yes, as rad as it would be, and it's best to just quit here and not get ahead of yourself. Do I have whims where I think "sell all your name brand clothes and move to a shack in the desert and read tarot on a Pay What You Can basis?" Of course I do. Can I actually do that without losing the things most important to me or with everything going on with my health? Um, no. So I indulge the fantasy for a bit, and move on. Alternatively, my theatre company reached an impasse about the best way to grow last fall when the issue of securing our own venue came up. It was a big change, but with some creative restructing and a hard commitment to marketing rentals when we weren't using the space, we realized this could be done, and we're much happier now than we were two years ago.

If you get through that step and it turns out you CAN do the thing that's been suggested or offered to you, the next question is even more obvious, but we do so, so often getting bogged down in habit or people-pleasing. The next (and final) question is, of course, "Do I WANT to do this?" Clients are often shocked at how quickly they don't even need the cards to make the decision if I start by questioning their own desires or motives towards a choice. Usually when you quietly, earnestly ask yourself if you WANT to do the thing, the answer comes screaming into your gut with a pretty fierce strength. In the above examples, no, I don't actually want to give up coffee shops on every corner for that quiet (and hot) of a life. But I did desperately want a home for my theatre company to root in. I didn't realize how much I wanted that until I asked if I wanted it. That check in brought into fruition wants, needs, and determination I didn't even know I had, making it one of the most formative things I did last year.

What about the times you get stuck though? What if you know you truly, desperately need this opportunity but it really doesn't seem possible? Or what if you don't actually know what the question is--you know your business needs to evolve in some way but you aren't sure what that looks like? And of course, what if you have absolutely no actual idea if you can do or even want this? That's is, as it so often is, where the tarot comes in.

                         *Featuring the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot from Llewellyn.*

                         *Featuring the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot from Llewellyn.*

This a really simple spread that can be adjusted to be more specific. In this case, let's look at a sample question that has no bearing on my life right now, so I'm not inclined to overpersonalize things. Our sample question is: "Should I spend the money/time/energy to take this class?"

The first row is the "CAN I" row. The first card is "As it stands now, can I take this class?" The Devil is a rough one to get right out of the gate. Traditional tellings would say no, this class is a distraction or a temptation. If you read the queer/modern/non-Christian version of the Devil though, it could be a necessary indulgence. It could throw you off your immediate track temporarily, but that's likely a good thing. So the rest of this row becomes important. The middle card shows us what needs to change or move to make the thing possible. You WILL get cards that show heartbreak or negativity here, in which case across the board this is likely a no. In our sample case though, we got the King of Cups. Things actually can be moved in the direction of you taking this hypothetical class. In this case, you might need to actually speak with or reach out to someone who has taken the class who cares about and supports you, or you might need to reach out to the instructor if there are any bureaucratic issues with getting into the class. In any case, dig deep and find your own creative prowess and love of the subject--that's what's going to make the difference. The last card in this row, that Page of Cups, shows what's already working in favor of you making this choice. In this case, a base knowledge, a love of the subject, and an encouragement towards indulgence all give you something to grab on to should you move forward.

The second row is the "Do I want this?" row. Again, we start with a basic yes/or no for the first card. With the Queen of Cups there's a definite argument that you've actually wanted this for awhile, but are trying to play it cool and not get your heart set on it. The middle card shows us why you're having some blocks understanding your desires. The three of cups shows us that you might've been let down by group settings before, or that you might often deny yourself happiness or growth or camaraderie in this area of your life. The third card in this row shows us what you truly want. This is the heart of why you're considering this. It shows a desire not being nurtured. In this case, the Queen of Wands, there's a true passion for whatever subject the class is in, and a need to do something independent of your squad/partner/kids. This card is crucial because if at the end of this spread your answer is no, THIS card tells you where to go and what you need to pull into your life.

That final card on the side shows the final word on the matter. This is the make or break card, that sums up whether you should do the thing at hand. Obviously with a King of Pentacles here this non-existent class is a loud, clamorous, resounding yes--and the card has it's own reasons (Invest in yourself! Root in your community! Master a thing!) but it also takes everything else in the spread into account.

At the end of this entire process--whether you needed the spread or not, you should be left with one of two options: a hearty "hell yes" that gets your eyes big and your heart racing, or a polite but firm "no, thanks though." I live my entire life by this philosophy, and it's how I manage multiple careers that I love, a solid social life in spite of being deeply introverted and socially anxious, and a profound love of free-spiritedness and life itself. I get stuck though, and know we all do--so use the hell out of this spread (but please credit me if you write about it or repost) and feel free to let me know how any of your crossroads shake out when you do!

Blessed be, y'all!

We Are All Fledglings Now

Some of this you've already seen if you follow me on Instagram, but as I continue on my path learning the Slow Holler tarot, and as things around us seemingly dissolve into Chaos, I am pulling the Fledgling much more than I ever pull the Fool, and much more than I did when I first got the deck.

First though, about the Slow Holler: this is a deeply spiritual tarot deck, rooted in Southern and queer identity, and I've truly relished my time getting to know it. It was collaboratively drawn and written by several different artists, and it takes me right back to my early days of tarot and witchery when there was this constant sense of spiritual power right underneath my feet. It's also deeply concerned and enlightening regarding two other things that have shaped the very core of who I am: trauma, and the fight for the collective. Grab your copy here. It's so, so worth it.

As this card starting coming up with unusual frequency for me, my initial thoughts were as such: the Fledgling is the Slow Holler's take on the classic Fool card, but a fledgling is not the same as a fool. They are both starting journeys, but whereas the Fool's optimism comes from a sense of naivety or a childlike fearlessness, the Fledgling's cautious optimism comes because they know that while now is a time for bravery, it doesn't mean you won't fail. It simply means you will find your feet again if you do and grow from there. The Fledgling does a lot more feeling for firm ground and a lot less running towards cliffs, but they still charge ahead into the unknown. The Fool is starting a journey and the Fledgling is starting something more. We don't know what yet. The Fledgling doesn't know what yet. But as the events of this week plunge us equally into determination and uncertainty, there is no clearer metaphor for the role of an activist right now. You will flounder, and you will not be sure, and you may lose. But you will regroup, and you will get your land legs back, and you will do great things again.

It feels like the lessons of the Fledgling were clear to me. Take chances. I am learning the lay of a new land, so be careful, but be brave. The card keeps coming up and keeps coming back to me though, and today as I pulled it even for my daily draw on my Instagram it finally hit me. The world at large is the priority right now, but it's not the only thing that exists. Our microcosms are still here, supporting us, loving us, empowering us. Yet in our daily lives, we still hold back. If there was ever a time to not though--this is it. What if instead of keeping your creative power tightly wrapped around your intellect you completely unfurled it and let it take over your current project? What if instead of finishing your routine to-do list you took two days a week to scrap it to work the big, scary projects instead? What if instead of keeping our heart so tightly in your chest you said "screw what everyone else thinks," ripped it out and let it bleed your power and love all over everyone you care about? We don't know what tomorrow's going to look like anymore--and maybe there's a lesson here in how we never really did. So why wait? Why hold back? Why sit and wonder and wish instead of doing? We are coming back from marches and meetings so on fire--use that. Use it. Use it. Use it.

The Fledgling wants us to be an activist, an advocate, an ally, to be as queer and brazen as we have it in us to be right now, but everyone I know is doing that. I have seen an outpour of collective action that I never anticipated, people who argued with me about marches inviting me to them now, and that's amazing. That's wonderful.  The Fledgling has more to say though, because this is a new world, and everything we know is upside down. Yet, for now, at least, life still goes on. What does it mean to work and create in this new world? And my god, can you imagine what love could be in this new world? The Fledgling is screaming at us to let go, let loose, right now, and find out. Because if we let go and spread these wings we think are so small, we just might find out how close we are to flying.

Blessed be.

HEY MY BLOG SEEMS TO WORK AGAIN

Just some happy cards about love and creation and stuff from the Wild Unknown tarot.

Just some happy cards about love and creation and stuff from the Wild Unknown tarot.

Hey all!

I had so many blog ideas this month and Squarespace was like "nah, you don't actually need into your website." It's finally back up though, so many, many thanks to those who sent healing or "get your act together" vibes to my website. I will obviously have more to say later, but in the meantime:

  • I am still enrolling private coachees who want to learn the tarot in a way that allows for hyper-personalization, quick learning of new decks acquired, and favors YOU over traditional images and keywords that may mean nothing to you. $50 a session, three months commitment required. Lots of homework.
  • Starting in February my standard hours are shifting. I will only be at the Eye of Horus Wednesdays 3-9 (and occasional substitutions), and I will be reading at my own studio 12-5 on Mondays and Thursday-Sundays.
  • In any case, email snow.cassandra@gmail.com for lessons, email readings, or appointments, and follow me here, here, or here for lots of tarot and solopreneur info. Newsletter sign-up is here and I only hit you up once a month unless something really awesome (or terrible) is happening.

So good to be able to post again. I should have a few things on TheColu.mn later this month as well as a new-to-Little-Red-peeps Queering the Tarot next week. Until next time!

Cassandra

A New Moon, A New Year, and Getting Clarity Via Tarot

Hello all!

I'm pretty stoked to be ending 2016 high on New Moon energy, and not just an New Moon, but one meant for intention setting and helping you build confidence to make big changes in your life. I like to get that ball rolling with a tarot spread or seven (surprise, surprise), and am always amazed by the clarity after. New Year's Tarot has the potential to be some of your most solid work of the year, and I'm happy to share steps to get the best New Year's Reading possible. I've done this post "choose your own adventure" style so you can personalize it based on where you are in your processing, as opposed to specific spreads or step by step instructions. 

  1. To start, do you know what this year has taught you? Through all of it's ups and downs, do you know what you're supposed to be leaving behind and bringing with you?
    1. If yes, great! Just pull a card or two to see if you're missing anything. Pull an extra card if you need advice on getting over some humps you know you should be getting over but are a little stuck.
    2. If no, never fear! I recommend a very simple four card spread like the one below. The four placements indicate "What is the biggest lesson and takeaway from this year?", "What am I supposed to leave in 2016?", "What am I supposed to to take with me into 2017," and a final card for "What is the best action I can take to ensure I wrap all of this up neatly over the next week or two?
       
More on this deck here.

More on this deck here.

 

  1. Next, do you know what you want out of 2017? Are you a goal-oriented person who has been climbing steadily, or is comfortable with where you landed during setbacks that you're still pretty sure of what you want?
    1. If yes, great! You can either skip this step, or pull a few cards to boost your confidence, asking the deck if you're right about your path, and if everything is in order or good to go as you move through the work of the year.
    2. If not, that's great too. You get to have some fun. I recommend pulling anywhere between one and three cards, asking the deck as you shuffle what your goals and motivations should be for the year.
    3. If you're somewhere in between, you know what you personally but not professionally, spiritually but not in terms of mundane bucket list items, or any combination or split of these things, I recommend pulling two to four cards, asking the deck as you shuffle "beyond my goals regarding ____, what else should I be focusing on or building throughout the upcoming year?"

       
  2. Now that your goals and intentions are more focused for the 12 months ahead, I recommend Beth Maiden's post on spreads and cards that help with planning. I also recommend just picking a number of steps (at least three, probably no more ten) and laying those out to see what those steps look like. If your goals are in different areas of your life, because this is a practical spread, it probably won't exhaust you to do as many as you need based on the number of life areas you have goals in.
     
  3. Finally, it's tarot! It is innately a spiritual and mysterious source of insight, so your Divine and your deck may have a COMPLETELY different set of information to give you. You still have some choices on how to approach this based on how you like to read.
    1. If you read predictively, or are open to it, lay out four cards. The question to keep in mind while shuffling is "What can I expect from this year?" I use the four to represent the seasons, so I read how the energy and events featured may shift naturally as the seasons move. If you're super eager, go ahead and do 12 to represent the zodiac signs or the months, depending on your preference.
    2. If you don't, just ask the cards what else you need to know about the transition from year to year, and what you need to know about yourself and life in 2017. Pull as many cards as you think feels right, but make sure you determine the number beforehand, as you're shuffling. I strongly, strongly recommend doing this Face Up style. Siobhan is a genius, and you will be so surprised by what you end up telling yourself about the year ahead.

That's it! Kind of a lot, I know, and you can and should move through this as often as you need to in as many ways as you need too. I do recommend starting tonight, in spite of the short notice, but you certainly have some wiggle room with both moon phases (that vibe lasts awhile) and New Year's Day (time is a construct anyway) so take your time. Take. Your. Time. Allow yourself the comfort of not rushing intentions and goals so they come from a genuine, pure place, and know that anything can change course if you will it too, no matter what this reading may say. Your life is yours. Your year is yours. The cards just want to help you make it so.

Blessed be, loves.

In Which I Discuss Carrie Fisher, Geek Idolatry, and Dark Senses of Humor

There are a handful of people who I regularly quote and who's strength, endurance, vibrance, and stake in one or more of my big identity markers cause me to completely geek out and idolize them with an ecstatic frenzy usually reserved for coffee and my cats. Carrie Fisher was one such woman, those identity markers being "feminist" and "geek," and I can honestly say that this is the first celebrity death of the year to bring me to my knees. Maybe it's because of my level of idolatry. Maybe it's because in a year when Trump won, losing such a fierce woman who was also such an advocate for mental illness, and who is most often seen as a feminist character who fights a rebellion against a fascist regime seems extra harsh. Maybe I have just had my fill of this year and this latest blow has finally broken me.

In any case, I am devastated. Though in the Star Wars universe I have always seen myself more as a Han than a Leia, I have admired and idolized and wished I was as strong as Leia literally my entire life. She was one of my first clear ideas of what being a fierce, fighting femme in a man's world was like, and so much of my radical politic is shaped by the movement Leia is the heart and soul of. When I was eight years old Princess Leia made me realize that when things are wrong, you fight against them no matter what you lose in the process. I am not tough or brave enough to identify as a Princess Leia, and I certainly don't think I could ever do what General Organa goes on to do. That's okay--we all are who we are, and even if I don't feel up to her caliber of power, the end result is the same for me as it was for so many others: Fisher's portrayal of Leia Organa gave me a strength and a toughness and a bravery to strive for before I was old enough to understand the necessity of those traits, and before anyone could have predicted their relevance in our political climate.

But of course, Carrie Fisher is not just Princess Leia. Carrie Fisher is also the woman who wrote a couple of memoirs that featured her alcoholism and bipolar disorder--two struggles of my mom's that, at the time of my reading them, had driven quite a wedge between my mother and I. My mother is a spectacular person. She is the definition of living unconditional love and acceptance. She is kind to everyone and cares deeply about anyone who's ever entered her world. (She regularly asks how my childhood friends or their parents are doing, even though she hasn't heard from any of them in years and years). She has also been incredibly ill in ways that have wounded me deeply on and off throughout my whole life. When I read Fisher's memoirs, I saw my mom's humanity and struggle in a way that I could not have before, and I saw my mom not only as "very nice but very sick", but as strong and as a survivor of a terrible situation. I wouldn't call our relationship perfect or even repaired, but it's repairing, and I get it now. And I largely get it because of Fisher's openness about her own mental illness in a time when no one was being open about that, at all.

Then there's the parts of Carrie Fisher I do see myself in. My life hasn't been easy, and I don't see my survival as brave. It's just what happened. But I do give myself credit for developing this dark, lovely, weirdly whimsical sense of fun and humor somewhere along the way, and Carrie Fisher's interviews and memoirs that also made jokes about her disorder and struggles were a breath of fresh air when I was getting diagnosed and starting my early treatments for PTSD. She was also a good, fun person by all accounts, (like these for example), and didn't let anything she was going through slow her down. I hope everyone remembers that as much as they remember Leia's influence or even Fisher's feminism or writing and advocacy for mental illness. Because laughter is important, and she brought it everywhere she went, and even if we can never be the fighter Leia is or the advocate Fisher is, we can be the person who works to make people feel safe and happy no matter where we are. That's just as valid a a legacy, and one I hope doesn't get lost.

If you're having a lot of trouble coping with this and don't know what to do beyond "watch Star Wars and cry", I strongly suggest the aforementioned books, as well as this amazing, stupidly good comics series.

Blessed be, rebels.

 

 

 

Quiet Times at the Blog

Photo credit: http://www.melissahessephotography.com/

Photo credit: http://www.melissahessephotography.com/

Hello all! I know I've been so quiet lately that I even missed doing my end of month wrap-up, but I assure you it's because I've been hard at work at tarot events, running theatre events, and perhaps with a surprise or two up my sleeve over the next few weeks. In the meantime, here's some things to be aware of:

  • I still have a handful of gift certificates left for the holiday season! Any size reading, e-mail or in person, AND if you buy three or more, YOU get a free basic e-mail or 15 minute in person reading!
  • I can take a few students for my 3.5 month coaching sessions starting in January.
  • There's definitely a special going on for newsletter peeps. Sign up here to read back issues and see for yourself!
  • Mercury retrograde is coming, so I can't promise I'm turning this blog ship around and back into sturdy waters, but I have missed it!

In the meantime, if you're still looking for gifts, check out the actual gift guide I did write here.

Blessed be!

Gifting on a Budget, or Happy Holidays, amirite?!

Secretly I love Christian, commercial Christmas. Sure, some people are jerks, but I legitimately see that most people are happy and excited for almost a whole month, and as an empath that always rubs off on me whether I intend it to or not. Then factor in the part that Yule, one of my favorite sabbats, plays and sprinkle in extra time with my favorite people with "regular" jobs since suddenly they have flexible schedules and time to goof off on my schedule and I am a very happy little queer through much of December. One frequent problem that I KNOW most of my readers share with me though is when I sit down to make my "who to buy for" list and cross reference it with my budget what usually follows is a few days of internal screaming, invasive thoughts equating my worth as a friend/partner/daughter to that of my bank account and the sudden desire to take out ten new credit lines. So in lieu of a Gift guide addled with specific products and companies, here's a "how to gift" guide for those of us living more modestly. Please feel free to submit your own tips and tricks on how you successfully do gift-giving occasions on a dime (or less).

Nurture that Nostalgia
Regardless of your own age, you probably have some people on your "nice" list that have fond memories of Mix CD's, collages commemorating special events, framed photos, and scrapbooks. Use any combination of those things I mentioned, and you've created a highly personal, extra wallet-sparing gift. Your mom/grandma/etc. would especially love a scrapbook, and I promise your new girlfriend will be super endeared to an old school mix CD with her current favorite love jams and yours cohabitating. Another way to hit that nostalgia button (which almost always wins the gift-giving, let's be honest) with minimal (but some) expense is to hit up thrift stores specifically looking for vintage band, movie, or comic book t-shirts, out-of-print board games in decent condition, or the absolute silliest first run Lisa Frank figures you can find. One of my sisters does something like this for me on years we decide to exchange gifts, and I am the proud owner of a Taylor Hanson biography and Ask Zandar board game, and frequently point them out to guests.

Gift Cards, Coupons, and BOGOs.
I know what you're thinking--gift cards are a TERRIBLE gift to give when you're broke. I'm not suggesting you buy gift cards, I promise. However, you're probably sitting on a few that you've received that you're not into or just haven't used for yourself, not to mention all the coupons and BOGOs sitting in the "promotions" tab on your inbox right now. You can definitely use those to stock up for the holidays instead of pushing yourself to eat food you're not into or buy crap you don't need. If it's a restaurant, offer to take someone to dinner on you. Most other places, even coffee shops, have stuff you can buy if you really want them to have something under the tree from you. Bonus: use the odd amount left to snag something small for yourself after all. Self-care is important around the holidays.

Use Your Skills
I'm not above gifting someone I know walks on the witchy or weird side a half hour reading, or an hour if I really love them. Or tickets to shows I produce or have an "in" at. They were probably going to buy them anyway, so you're saving them cash and giving them a unique experience they're not going to get elsewhere. I actually use this one sparingly--only for people I know will be absolutely thrilled by it and need the hour to focus on themselves. Maybe you don't have anything that tangible to offer, but a handmade card with a note that your gift is driving your burned out mom friend's kids around one weekend a month for the next three months, or that you'll deep clean your chronic pain-ridden friend's apartment are still incredibly generous, super well-loved gifts.

Homemade Goodies!
We aren't all crafting mavericks (though if you are, what are you doing here? You've got this holiday on lock!), but in a world of Pinterest almost anyone can make the moistest brownies ever or put together an essential oil blend of one of your sibling's very favorite scents.

Buy Local/Small
I know on the surface this seems more expensive, but local businesses usually offer sales throughout most of December, not just on certain days. If you scour, you will find really marvelous gifts for big box store prices. However, going even smaller is a surefire way to hit the nail on the head every time. Head out to as many craft/art fairs as you can squeeze in. Someone always has a sale or hand made merch they're trying to sell out before the end of the year. I once found a saint candle of Wednesday Addams for $8. I bought it for me, so this isn't the best example, but it does illustrate my point. Search Etsy for good deals and those having sales, or Ebay for stuff that's still in print and in stock. It only gets pricey for out of print things or big "must have this season" gifts. 

Don't let this be the only time you shop small!

Don't let this be the only time you shop small!

...AND Don't Stress About Holiday Parties & Potlucks
I usually end up with a couple odd bottles of alcohol I'm not crazy about, and while I would never show up with a third of a bottle of mediocre liquor, what I LOVE to do is pour that mediocre liquor into a really yummy juice (or three and maybe some ginger ale) I either made myself or got on sale and make a unique cocktail for the event. I also strongly recommend big batch cooking. For example, stuffed shells, vegan, vegetarian, or not, are surprisingly simple to make if you don't mind the time involved. I'm very likely to sit down and make several casserole dishes full at once, since the time spent isn't that much more, and freeze any that I'm not going to use immediately. Just reheat them before the appropriate event and go! This works great for soup and homemade bread (which are much easier to make than people think) too. And remember, if even that's beyond your capability, there's no shame in being the grocery store chips and salsa bringer, because you know what exhausted, drunk holiday party-goers love? Grocery store chips and salsa. I know. I often am that party-goer. You can also, like in the stock photo below, get a standard amount of food and make individual cups--it looks much more personal and time consuming, and it's not a ton of energy or effort.

These are some of the ways I survive the holiday season with my generous spirit and dignity in tact. Essentially it comes down to creativity and heart, two things I know most of you have in spades. So get thinking and feeling, dig through that promotions tab or that weird section of your wallet, and you'll know exactly what to do.

Blessed be, and though I'll talk to you soon, happy holidays to you and yours.

 

 

Tangled Roots Oracle Gets AMAZING Update

Hello all! This post is so long overdue, and I'm happy to finally be sitting down and writing it. Some of you may remember back in April, I reviewed the first run of a friend's deck, and while I overall loved it (and it's the only Oracle deck I use regularly), I had some issues with one card--the Commitment card. To recap, the deck we're discussing is an incredible independent Oracle deck by Leora Effinger-Weintraub, called the Tangled Roots Oracle. The deck was created in the spirit of Leora's own spiritual tradition--the ecstatic tradition of the Upper Mississippi River Reclaiming community in Minnesota, USA., and while my own practice is incredibly eclectic, I responded very deeply to the deck's Earth based roots that still leave room for the very human experience of well, being human.

However, the original commitment card in the Tangled Oracle gave me cause for pause. While I myself am monogamous (mostly) and future-family minded, the rad queer in me had a lot of trouble accepting two wedding rings as a sign of commitment. I felt, and still feel, that that can be isolating for a lot of poly people, LGBTQ+ people, and even just Pagans who prefer handfasting or unique tradition to gold rings so often assumed to belong in heterosexual wedding scenarios, and in a deck so rooted in paganism and universality I felt it was particularly jarring.

Well, after hearing this feedback and taking some time to think about their own life and commitments, Leora updated their already spectacular Oracle deck, and this is the updated Commitment card:

When Leora's spouse handed me my copy of the updated card, something moved in me, very similar to the feeling most of the cards in this deck give me when I pull them, and I was thrilled when Leora had this to say about the update online: "The "Three Sisters" companion planting of corn, bean, and squash shows how multiple beings can grow together, supporting and nourishing each other. I honor all relationships: friendships, couples, open relationships, committed polyamory.... All the ways our commitment supports each other."

See, if you get readings from me, I am very likely to use gardening metaphors. Planting, harvesting, waiting, weeding, these are all crucial elements of most things in life, and this metaphor for all types of relationships struck the exact right chord. Furthermore, this card's very re-creation in this manner displays the themes at play in the card itself. In my critique, for example, I honored my commitment to honesty in relationships, and my commitment to my relationships as a result. In being so honest in my feedback, I displayed my commitment to better, more honest, more personal divination, as well as to Leora as a creator and friend who I knew could come up with something brilliant in lieu of the traditional wedding rings. In considering my feedback so heavily and creating such a card, Leora showed a commitment to their deck, our friendship, and their current art fans to keep pushing and creating things that represented the communities they're a part of. They showed a commitment to the Pagan community, the queer community, and the world at large to think outside the box.

With this update, this deck is a solid 10/10 for even skeptical Oracle deck users. The way the cards work together represent the Three Sisters plants growing in and of themself, and more than that, so many people are still living in the dark, terrified after last Tuesday. What better time to show your commitment to your friends, family, community--what better time to acknowledge that commitment isn't a one time gesture of generosity, but a lifetime of following that initial planting with maintenance and with cycles of death and rebirth and trust that no matter what happens, the things we've planted will grow again. This is a post I should've written a couple of months ago--but with everything that's happened recently, there is likely no better time to praise and honor the commitments my friends and I have made to each other. This card is breathtaking, and I hope everyone reading takes time to think about all the "Three Sisters" relationships in their life and how to use this card's lessons to honor and nurture them moving forward.

Again, you can check out Leora's deck here and grab your own. Thank you so much to the Effinger-Weintraub's and their commitment to our artsy, nerdy, Pagan friendship, and to Leora for creating such a beautiful deck.

Until next time, dear readers, Blessed be.

Whelp, That Happened

On Tuesday so many of our worst fears got confirmed. Hate, anger, and fear won--for now. What I'm having the hardest time wrapping my head around spiritually is this: it shouldn't have. By which I mean Clinton won the popular vote and when you factor in third party votes or conscientious abstainers, well over half of America voted against hate. And yet our government is structured so that it won anyway. Love had numbers on it's side, and hate still won and I am still reeling from trying to place that somewhere productive in my milleu. And I know the fight isn't over. It's never over, and it's wouldn't have been over under Clinton who I enthusiastically voted for with every intention to keep her accountable on the issues I didn't agree with. The good fight has undeniably received a huge hit though, and I made a spread to follow up my pre-election post from Sunday. If it's useful to you, use it as much as you can.

This one is five cards. Deck used is this one. I started with an overarching question that many of us who have been reading about faithless electors, impeachment, and eradicating the electoral college have been thinking: is this round actually over, or is fighting worth it at this point? The Six of Earth reminds us that nothing is really over until we say it is, that there are safe places and touchstones even in the darkest times, and that fighting is always worth it. A bit vaguer of an answer that I wanted, but after reading an egregious amount of journalism, real and pseudo, over the past few days, I believe it's saying this: we should fight all the fights that are feasible to keep the Trump/Pence ticket out because it may not work this time, but it's crucial for future progressive elections and will make a huge difference in the long-term. AND we may actually see something come of it. Don't give up, have hope, and know that even if this is it, and Trump is our answer, that there are still safe places and people we can build community with now.

The next three are more straightforward and more about us and less about the election. The placements are:

  1. What do we do to cope in the immediate?
  2. How do we change our behavior so this doesn't happen again? (IE how do we stop contributing to white cisnormative heteropatriachy supremacy)
  3. What DOES the future look like right now, and how does that affect us?

The final card in this one is "What do I need to know, no matter how things turn out?" That's the top one.

This sample reading, mostly geared towards me but potentially useful to you says this: our coping mechanism is the 10 of Air, a card of tarot specifically in this case. For me, tarot has always been my healer and my saving grace. It has gotten me through major stepping stones in each of my careers. It has aided my therapy. It has given me answers, guidance, and hope when I didn't even know or think I deserved them, and so for me this is obvious: turn to the tarot like I've always done. For you it may not be tarot--the message I have for those reading based on this is turn to whatever has always healed and soothed YOU, the thing that has gotten you through crossroad after crossroad and threshold after threshold. That thing hasn't gone anywhere. So I'm going to keep flipping cards, creating art, and writing it all down to share with you. I'm going to snuggle my queerplatonic partner and my cats even harder and more often. My coffee habit is going nowhere in the immediate. And you--you do whatever the equivalent to these things is to you.

The cards then remind me to always be fair and balanced if I want to tip the scales of progress in the future. Flying off at the mouth may not be my best bet right now. For some people it absolutely will be, remember, this was primarily a personal reading. For YOU this one is about always putting your money, your carbon footprint, your mouth where your heart is. We all need to evaluate our own part in getting to this point. No white person, no cis person, no man, no straight person, no able-bodied or healthy person is completely innocent. There is more you can do and the time to evaluate that is now.

Unfortunately with the God card here, we're in for it to be a little rough for awhile. Those coping mechanisms and our community building skills are going to be crucial. We will be struggling against white supremacy and patriarchy for awhile. It's important to remember that even if somehow this vote gets overturned, this ticket has uncorked those who have been dying to act out hatred and bigotry for Goddess knows how long. That's not going to go away overnight. Getting a different president in will not solve all of our problems. We have to keep fighting back, we have to expect change to be small at first. We have to be strong and disciplined and strategic. That last keyword is just as important as the others now.

Finally, the "what do I need to know?" card gives us a card of cows and farms and "slow but steady." Remember that there is enough to go around. Do not center your movement in greed and power grabs--that's how we got here in the first place. Donate to organizations that need it if you're able. Try to live your life as normally as possible. Trust that true change takes time but hearts are softening as we speak. Your home is still your sanctuary for now, and if it isn't, there is a sanctuary for you. Find it.

BUT WAIT--while this spread gave me a ton to plan, think about, meditate on, etc. I really needed to pull one more card, to see if there was any hope that the next 4-8 years would either not be Trump or Pence-led, and if they were if there was any way it wouldn't be terrible. And the deck gave me this:

Check out that 90's-tastic fabric on my favorite ugly chair.

Check out that 90's-tastic fabric on my favorite ugly chair.

Primal matriarchal, earthy energy. Fertility, success, creation. Love. Compassion. Your Divine is still here and it is listening. Make of that what you will.

Until next time, Blessed Be.

 

Election Anxiety and Beyond-A Reading for Hope and Healing

I've had nightmares about this upcoming Tuesday all week and my chest tightens at the mention of election anything. Living with PTSD is never a cakewalk but this election cycle is another monster entirely. For so many of us living with anxiety, trauma, and mental illness it seems like there's a new trigger at every turn, a new reason to be fearful every time we check into Facebook, a new person in our lives we learn we can not trust because of the levity with which they treat these triggers.

Tarot will probably not save the world--but as a spiritual person I serve liberation and empowerment, and with most things in life that starts in our homes and in our hearts. So while I did a not-quite-cheerful reading about the election with the intention to share it with you all, I ultimately decided against it.

Because we KNOW Tuesday is going to be a living nightmare of anxiety and we KNOW that many will take their anxiety out on others, creating a dreamscape Stephen King himself couldn't have dreamt of, and we KNOW that equity and compassion might lose. Big time. And ONE function if tarot is to warn us of what's to come or give us the truth about where we are right now--but it's not it's only function.

Because like the bulk of my spiritual work, tarot is also about healing and empowerment. It's about learning how to move on even when we don't want to or don't think we can. It's not about the Death card, it's about how we learn to live again after the fact. So here's a simple spread, and a simple reading for all of us to hold on to until Tuesday about how to cope and rebuild.

This is a three card spread--an overarching energy to show what we're actually dealing with.

A card for how to cope and find balance in the meantime

and a card for healing and rebuilding. Even if the worst doesn't happen, this is taking a lot out of us. The initial high of defeating our worst fears will give way to exhaustion and allowing ourselves to feel and live in our spent-ness. And of course, the worst could happen. So this card is how to grow from there.

As for our universal reading (which I did with the Cosmos Tarot and Oracle), we show that we're not wrong--there is definitely an aggressive energy permeating through everything in American society (and those societies closely linked to and affected by it) right now. And Mars is a card of war which is why even those of us who live in magick and whimsy are so prone to pick up pitchforks and begin yet another speech with "OKAY, first of all..." right now. But Mars is also a card of action and vitality--there is good life left in our fight yet. Applied correctly, we could still turn this mess around with Mars looming so closely.

Our "immediate coping mechanism" shows us digging deep down for those last reserves of strength. For better or worse, it's only 2.5 more days. Repeat that to yourself ad nauseum. For better or worse, it's only 2.5 more days. Don't stop fighting for what you believe in for this election because even when it doesn't seem like it, some hearts will still open and some people will still "get it" last minute. But also remember that Hercules has a weakness, as we all do, which forces us to rest and retreat from time to time. Do everything you would normally do for self-care in times of duress. Sleep more. Do less. Love just as hard as you do in good times and hold them all tightly. Remind yourself that you are not how you reacted to this election season. And as a side note, sometimes the cards make a more surface level metaphor. For those physically able to do so, pouring our emotions into exercise and physical activity may be your saving grace right now. Get outside. Eat lots of protein. Put your remaining energy reserves into the things you've been working hard for all month/year/life-long. They will still be here tomorrow and you need the outlet now.

Finally we see the Page of Air. We don't know what things are going to look like from Wednesday on, but we do know we'll have new insight and ideas into how to rebuild. It is important to have a plan for healing and regrowth in your mind, but leave room for freshness and flexibility. Again, lean to those you love and as for help when you need it. Plan a day trip with one or two you hold dear to blow off steam. Remember, there's no shame in hiding until the fury dies down if your life allows you to do so. And hilariously, this card does allow for what we've all be threatening--moving out of the country if we just really can not.

As a final note, while Fire oversees us, the other cards were Swords/Air. So use logic--you know there is an end to this and a next step. Try to get some clarity--meditate, vent to a friend, exercise your brute strength with some rad kickboxing classes--whatever you need to do to just clear your mind and escape the inundation of poll reports and internet fights. Wednesday will come. And there will be one the week after that. And the week after that. Hold on to the GOOD that you know is real--not just the bad that we are swimming in.

Hope this was helpful, lovelies. Blessed be.

 

 

In Comes November

Unless you're here for the first time and know nothing about witches, you know by now that October is my absolute favorite month. This one was a little rougher than most, but in true October fashion it all came together and created a stunning bigger picture for the season and I am so happy with how it all came together. Here's some snapshots for the month as we move into November. I often forgot how lovely November can be too. This year I might have some fun semi-surprises going on in my personal life, and will have some events/press/etc. going on that I'll probably talk about here. Here's where October took me:

  • My Tarot Practice: took a bit of a hit this month, and after a real rollercoaster year in my creative life, I struggled to find spiritual and emotional centeredness, eventually getting there by the end of the month. I've decided to shelve my push to work events for awhile (inspired in part by this post), if not forever. I was shocked when that decision resulted in a new burst of individual client work, potential writing and collaborative opportunities, and a few exact ideal events (but not an overwhelming amount) cropping up. Sometimes you have to kill something that's been stressing you or bringing you down to achieve the greatness you know you deserve, and that's a core tenant of my life, yet I am always surprised by how quick that turnaround was.

    My tarot highlight of the month was reading at the anniversary party for the Eye of Horus--I had such a lovely time and got to read for a store regular dressed as Rose Quartz from Steven Universe! I love my work family so much. They have been so supportive of my tarot career inside and outside of the store and I really feel I've grown as a reader and a witch in ways I never anticipated when I nervously went in for my audition gig. I'm so grateful and so happy for such a celebration of their 13th year.
  • Things I Wrote: While I kept up with my steady writing gigs and am happy with the (sparse, few, but lovely) things I posted here, one of my best memories for the month (and year!) was featuring at Story Club, a local storytelling event in which I talked about one of my worst and least talked about trauma sources. The crowd was perfect and I feel such an intense relief--and an intense eagerness for more storytelling opportunities!
  • Theatre Life: GADFLY KILLED IT THIS MONTH. I am beside myself. Our first mainstage show at the Gallery sold out it's entire closing weekend, and in fact oversold one night (which was stressful in its own right, but the right kind of stress). In addition to that, we welcomed long-time queer art icon company Patrick's Cabaret into the space for regular events, and got to see some of our all time favorite performers at Outspoken queer open mic's third anniversary.
  • Other Things I Loved: Manny and I's queerplatonic partnership turned 13! Exciting stuff. We met right around Halloween--we didn't get to celebrate until just barely into November, but it was marvelous nonetheless. Our Samhain ritual with another friend was very special and really magick (and unexpectedly invigorating). Other fun things from the month:
    • All of my friends' Halloween costumes were so cute! Manny went as Tina Belcher, and I spent time with a Ghostbuster. Those were my faves, but everyone rocked it this year. You can see some on my personal instagram. I also do a (mostly daily) free promotional reading to help guide your day there.
    • I saw Chastity Brown in concert again, this time on her own! Her voice alone brings me to tears, and the intimacy of the space we were at made everything extra evocative.
    • I guess I live here now? A couple of my favorite nights of the month were spent with a fancy overpriced OR really crappy beer, long intense games of oversized Jenga, and some very hostile (on my end) pinball. They have them in more places than just Minneapolis, so see if one's near you if you aren't living here!
    • Walks along the Mississippi never get old, and Pokemon giving us extra candy and ghosts made that extra true. I also love just sitting by the dam and listening though, and there's usually a busker I really love right nearby.
    • I did try to go to the Luke's Diner pop-up because I am an unabashed Gilmore Girls fangirl, but the place I was at ran out of everything! I was so disappointed but consoled myself with Tiny Diner because it's also amazing.
    • Book recommendations! Even This Page Is White by Vivek Shraya left me unable to move or even blink in multiple places. One of the hands down best poetry books I have ever read in my entire life. Buy it right here. Just do it. In lighter news, Spider-Gwen took me awhile to get to. It was on my comics list, just not high priority. I'm glad I delved in though, it's pretty rad. I've also been plowing my way through 11/22/63 by Stephen King. I'm not finished, but I'm super into it. King is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me--I don't love his protagonists most of the time, and plotholes exist pretty plentifully in his world, but this one is really absorbing and a great offset to a hectic, tumultous, but ultimately good month.
    • TV & Music Recommendations: This season of How to Get Away With Murder is seriously heart attack inducing. I just want my big dumb babies to be okay. I also hopped on the Steven Universe bandwagon late in the game but I'm ridiculously here for it. I already talked to you about Chastity Brown but WOW. Her CD and EP will cut to your core. It didn't get much notice, but Rufus Wainwright has a CD of Shakespeare's sonnets set to music. It's not for everyone--but it is amazing if you're into that sort of thing.

That was my month! I hope you all had a marvelous month of spoop and celebration and witchery. Feel free to tweet at me, leave comments, etc. to tell me about your own month or chime in about my recommendations. Until next time,

Blessed Be.

Quick--Sign Up For My Newsletter!

Hey All!

At the beginning of every month I send out ONE Newsletter (powered by TinyLetter, so as to assure you to it's simplicity and non-evasiveness.) That newsletter tells you where to find me that month (IE if I'm doing events, and if there are any changes in my normal Eye of Horus or personal business hours), any specials I'm running, and a FREE one-card Oracle or Tarot reading to give you some stuff to think about as you move through your month.

SO click here, sign up now, and know that there WILL be a special on both in-person and email readings through November for subscribers AND maybe some breaks on some gift certificates too!

Sample image of a one-card reading, featuring The Magician from the Universal Fantasy Tarot

Sample image of a one-card reading, featuring The Magician from the Universal Fantasy Tarot

I'm sending out my next edition over the next two days or so--don't miss your chance for those November specials but signing up is super easy, and can be done right over on my contact page anytime if you're not ready or able right now.

Blessed be!

P.S. My latest Queering the Tarot is out now if you want a fresh read, and my reprint is hitting Little Red in a matter of hours, so subscribe to that amazing site and community while you're at it!

Oatmeal, Lavender and Hyssop Bath--oh my!

Hello all! I'm doing a quick blog today to give you a recipe for a Spiritual Cleanse: this one's a bath! This is one of my favorite rituals that I've almost perfected over the past couple of years. I have a small tub, so adjust accordingly to the size of yours. This bath is perfect for: New Moon Rituals, special full moons (I did it on the last super Moon, for example, after a trying year so far), any Sabbat/holiday/special ritual devoted to cleansing, or anytime it just feels like you're carrying to much "stuff" around with you and it's time to shuck it off.

Obviously I found this photo online, though normally all photos are my own.

Obviously I found this photo online, though normally all photos are my own.

In a small wooden or porcelain bowl, I pour:

  • 1/2 cup of oatmeal
  • handful or two of lavender buds
  • smaller handful of hyssop OR you can use hyssop oil
  • 2-3 big drops of eucalyptus oil
  • 1-2 drops of peppermint oil (the smell is often a little overpowering and I prefer to smell the lavender as theprimary note)
  • a couple of crumbled, dry sage leaves (2-3 large or 5 medium)

    ***If you prefer, any skin safe oils can be applied directly into bath water***

After it's all in there I use a small spoon or spatula and mix it up until the smell, look, and texture is evenly spread and a little more cohesive. I have a small stash of small mesh bags that tie off that I poured it all into, but if you don't have such a bag, any handmade mesh, cheesecloth, or even pantyhose-style nylon satchel will work. (Bonus, you can do some knot spells as you tie off the handmade ones!) As I mix and pour I think about all the stuff I'm try to cleanse and scrub away with the bath. This is a pretty intense cleansing spell, so the further into that pain, frustrating, aura-murking stuff you can, the better you can let yourself go, the better. Then I light sage in the bathroom itself, run my bath, and toss my satchel into it while it fills up. I usually light a candle and do this in the dark, but that's completely unnecessary. I just have a thing about overhead lights. (I hate them.) In that time I try to clear my mind and focus on what my goals are afterwards. What does shedding this murkiness and ick look like? What happens tomorrow when I'm spiritually squeaky clean and invigorated. I put and aim those intentions into the bath, then I bathe! I usually just sit in the nice, scented hot water, occasionally squeezing the satchel for an extra "oomph" for awhile. I use a washcloth or loofah to actually bathe and scrub myself towards the end though, because I like physicality. I don't think it's actually necessary. Then I rinse, drain, and towel off!

I feel an IMMEDIATE difference usually, but I'll suck down some cold, filtered if possible, water and get a solid eight hours if I can too, because those things really help you feel it the NEXT day, and moving forward. This past one went EXTREMELY well. I feel almost reborn, which isn't the norm, but I always feel more clear-headed and like I've let go of all of those minor irritations that lead to big things.

Feel free to use as often as you feel necessary It's also a really nice, relaxing bath otherwise so you don't have to put all the extra woo and witchcraft in every time.

Until next time, Blessed be!

Kicking Down My Own Tower

My freshman year of college was one of my worst to date, though my PTSD didn't kick in until I lived 1,500 miles away from everyone who'd traumatized me. I was doing great for a couple of years once I was in the Midwest, until one night while I was asleep, and my house was robbed. I was physically completely fine, but I remember consciously having the thought "I'm never going to be safe." That's when the floodgates opened and everything I'd experienced years prior came rushing back to me.

I talk about most of this a lot. I talk about my rapes. I talk about how sick my mom has been off and on, how poverty-stricken my childhood was intermittently. And I allude to "this really bad roommate in college" quite a bit, but it was worse than that. We'll call her Sarah. I thought Sarah and I had a soul connection, chosen family, twin flames, etc. etc. While I won't regale the entire thing now, suffice it to say she was verbally and emotionally abusive--and that wasn't the worst of it. She also broke into my email, even writing emails as me. She took out almost a dozen credit cards in my name. (They have since dropped off my credit report. Goddess bless financial advisors helping me out further.) And she made me anxious, fearful of my own spiritual power, fearful of my own voice, fearful to get too close to people. To this day my biggest show of trust is me sharing a password with you because you need onto a computer. To this day Sarah shows up in my dreams, laughing at the way my stomach drops to see her.

Over the past several years, my PTSD has taken several things from me. One of the most notable is my desire and ability to perform--I don't have any performance related trauma, but it's made my anxiety come into entirely new places, like severe stage fright that incapacitates me to the point that it doesn't seem worth it to push past it. My close friends know the highlights of this story, and I've told most of my family and people who's relationships were affected by her manipulations. But speaking of Sarah publicly, even under a fake name? Let alone telling my semi-newly found stage fright to screw off so I could tell it publicly. But Thursday night that's exactly what I did.

I've slowly been working my way up to performing regularly again. I don't have a desire to do the whole actor's life thing again. Producing, curation, and theatre direction really are my artistic passions(beyond writing that is). But I do genuinely love performing. I have friends who are glorious storytellers, and there's things that intersect writing and performing beyond that like what the Neo-Futurist's do theatrically that I would happily spend my entire life doing if I thought that was an option for me. Performing IS going to be a part of my life. It is a part of my voice as a writer and theater artist, and while I don't need to "perform" where tarot is concerned, teaching and speaking still require a comfort level with elements of performance. So I;ve been taking it slow but getting back in the saddle. In February I put together a series of short plays for a Patrick's Cabaret event about my dating life, and that was wonderful. And I told a hilarious story about getting my period at a nice restaurant with white chairs (WHO HAS WHITE CHAIRS?! SERIOUSLY) at a different storytelling show a few months ago. I've jumped up to do shorter pieces at open mics and been working steadily on having a collection to pull from.

So when I was invited to feature at Story Club in October, I had two thoughts. One was the "hell yes" that I judge every decision by. (If that's not my reaction, I don't do the thing.) Two was "oh hell what do I even talk about?" Deep down though, I knew it was time to talk about Sarah. I'm a sucker for all things horror in October, and this was a real life horror story. I also met Sarah at a Halloween event. She's on my mind a lot, every year, around this time. This year I feel different though. I've been making so many big, important changes and yet I've still been sitting here, sitting with this entire thing just swirling around inside of me. It was time to talk.

So I did. I got up in front of a pretty decent sized crowd that included two of my storytelling idols, and I tore down the tower of "not knowing how to even start processing this" by doing the thing Sarah always tried to prevent me doing: telling people about it.

I had somewhat more altruistic reasons for this too. I like to talk about things that people don't talk about a lot but a lot of people experience, (like getting your period EVERYWHERE at a dinner party), and I'm not the first person to deal with a truly toxic, abusive, sociopathic friend. We don't think about how formative friendships are, especially when we're young, but they frequently shape us as much as our family and love lives do. But we have tools for dealing with those things, we have resources, and people talk about them at least MORE than they talk about abusive friends even if it still isn't enough. I'm not a proponent of kicking everyone who's the least bit negative or problematic to the curb. I get a lot of satisfaction out of giving unconditional love, working towards true compromises, and meeting people where they are and watching them grow. But there are genuinely horrible people in this world. I lived with one and she controlled my every move for a (luckily relatively short) period of time. I hope in speaking about it, others recognize those patterns sooner, or at least know they aren't alone in having had these experiences.

Story Club was a wonderful audience and experience--some people came up to me and talked about their own trauma and toxic experiences. Little introvert me was a little overwhelmed, but it was a good overwhelm. I feel relieved to not just be carrying this story around in a pocket of my soul anymore, and I feel honored to have gotten to tell it among such distinguished company and at an event I respect so much. It reminds me why I'm so addicted to the cycle of: Tower, Death, Judgment in my life, but that that isn't always a bad thing. That cycle got me to the Midwest. It gave me success in my careers. And now it's allowing me to breathe in a subject I haven't in so long.

If you want to know more about Storytelling, come to Story Club or visit the Story Arts MN or Wordsprout websites.

Blessed be!

Embracing October

Oh wow, what a difference a month makes--as I knew it would be, September was VERY kind to me (in spite of some major health concerns over the past few weeks, but that's nothing I'm not used to). So many things leveled off and look normal now, which me at 22 would have run screaming from, but the me who's almost 32 could not be happier about. Managing chronic illness requires instituting a little more stability than my boho nature would nurture on it's own, and what a gift to be balancing what seems to be the best of both worlds finally. My magickal duty now is to nurture growth, integration, and protect what's already been gained. So much easier than so much of the "starting from scratch" the summer stuck me with, and now we're in my favorite month. October is when I met my queerplatonic partner. October is when I bonded with my current squad. October is Halloween/Samhain/my favorite temperatures/leaves falling/new shoes/the no-longer-useful dying off. October is when I breathe best, but before we fully embrace, and homage to this September, which was so gracious in it's own right.

On a walk along the river practically right beside my new place.

On a walk along the river practically right beside my new place.

  • My Tarot Practice finally has a studio of it's own! I adore having an in-home studio. I know a lot of readers don't love or trust working this way, but for me it really does make my life make so much more sense. I also got to read at Pagan Pride at Minnehaha Falls, which was wonderful. I'm also head over heels in love with coaching tarot newbies. I am soon rolling out a package for in person coaching sessions, but the tl;dr version will have two offerings: one that is a total coaching package, 3.5 month commitment. The other is one of sessions for those who just need to meet up once or twice to ask my opinion on a few things they're confused about, get some guided practice, or learn some new viewpoints. Both will be $50 a session and you can email me to get started now!
  • Things I Wrote: Still in love with my turn at Little Red Tarot, and over at TheColu.mn I'm still rocking that arts beat. No new gigs but that should be changing before the end of the year.
  • Theatre Life: Uh, I guess I open a show next weekend? It's REAL good and I'm so proud to have produced it. Also if you're Twin Cities located and looking for a spot for a poetry slam, workshop, rehearsal, or seminar, check out Gadfly's rental packages! AND I had a blast being the point person on our latest Drunk Queer History event. This series has been so wonderful for all involved so far. Gadfly also featured at OutSpoken, which was a lovely way to fully embrace the Fox Egg being ours.
Rehearsal shots from the upcoming She Kills Monsters.

Rehearsal shots from the upcoming She Kills Monsters.

  • Other Things I Loved: The queerplatonic partner turned 30 which meant Nepalese food, drinks at Lush, dessert at the Lowry, and drag queen brunch (also at Lush). I got to squeeze in a LOT of other random fun, magick, and art this month too. Highlights include:
    • Asali pulled some oracle cards for me, and it was beautiful and perfect.
    • Going to Sassafras Healing Arts for regular herbal treatments is the best self-care I've introduced myself to in awhile.
    • The play The Children which is running at Pillsbury through the 16th was creepy and captivating.
    • I SAW TEGAN AND SARA LIVE FINALLY! I've been a huge fan forever, and was always broke or out of town whenever they were here. I'm still beside myself at the memories of being there.
    • I adventured to the Renaissance Fair (even if it was a final hurrah with one of my fave adventure buddies who is leaving for Atlanta) down in Shakopee.
    • AND I finally made it to the 318 Club, owned by a good friend. It was adorable and the food was delicious.
    • I know I usually stick some book recommendations here too, but my reading was either dissatisfying or warranted a bigger review. I will say that if "creepy but romantic" is your jam, Alice Hoffman's Museum of Extraordinary Things is not mind-blowing but it does hit the spot for that niche.
An oracle pull from Asali Earthwork.

An oracle pull from Asali Earthwork.

That was pretty much it! September was a lot of fun side adventures in the overall theatre/tarot/wordsmith adventure that is my life--but October sees me producing a mainstage show and tends to require I buckle down in my tarot business so it was good to get roaming when I had time to. I'm so excited to watch Eye of Horus have a birthday this month, as well as see what else the universe has in store for me.

In the meantime, Blessed Be.

At Home Tarot Studio Is Open For Business!

Y'all. I am so excited. The QPP and I's last space that was just ours only had a tarot section of the living room due to space constraints, and I'm SO thrilled to have this room--I won't be able to use this extra room as a tarot studio forever, but that's a different announcement for a different time. In the immediate though, this beautiful apartment also comes with space for me to make magick, experiment with new decks and cards, and of course--read for clients and coach students. (My writing will probably still be done from my bed, if I'm being totally honest). Furthermore, my QPP is now fully qualified and taking Pay What You Can Reiki clients, and WE LEFT SO MUCH OPEN SPACE FOR ENERGY WORK which means the energy of the whole space is going to feel healing and vibrant in no time. Without further ado, LOOK AT THIS MAGICKAL ESCAPE:

Uh, we maybe haven't figured out altars yet. Don't judge us for this messy one.

Uh, we maybe haven't figured out altars yet. Don't judge us for this messy one.

Here's a close-up of the corner I journal, read, learn, teach, and read cards in--it's right by the windows so we have the great views still. That table covering is a zodiac wheel that I got while visiting my family in Ohio. I love it. It changes depending on my mood though. Sometimes it's just black, green, or purple.

 

AND THE BOOKS. This is only about 2/3. I just discovered a box I was really confused about way back in the end of the apartment hall I don't go in a lot, and I am very generous with loaning my books out so long as I trust the people. A dear friend is dropping off a TON of mine back to me in the next couple of days. I might even have to move my decks, so we'll see! (They probably deserve their own small shelf anyway).

That's the gist of it for now, but I haven't done any photo-heavy posts since we moved. Once I have altars and everything ready to go I'll likely do another one. In the meantime,

Blessed be!