Cassandra Snow

Magickal. Practical. Radical.

Cassandra Snow is a tarot card reader, writer, and theater artist professionally. This website is focused on her life in tarot, with substantial references to witchcraft, LGBTQ+ community, and chronic illness.

Filtering by Tag: personal blog

Whelp, That Happened

On Tuesday so many of our worst fears got confirmed. Hate, anger, and fear won--for now. What I'm having the hardest time wrapping my head around spiritually is this: it shouldn't have. By which I mean Clinton won the popular vote and when you factor in third party votes or conscientious abstainers, well over half of America voted against hate. And yet our government is structured so that it won anyway. Love had numbers on it's side, and hate still won and I am still reeling from trying to place that somewhere productive in my milleu. And I know the fight isn't over. It's never over, and it's wouldn't have been over under Clinton who I enthusiastically voted for with every intention to keep her accountable on the issues I didn't agree with. The good fight has undeniably received a huge hit though, and I made a spread to follow up my pre-election post from Sunday. If it's useful to you, use it as much as you can.

This one is five cards. Deck used is this one. I started with an overarching question that many of us who have been reading about faithless electors, impeachment, and eradicating the electoral college have been thinking: is this round actually over, or is fighting worth it at this point? The Six of Earth reminds us that nothing is really over until we say it is, that there are safe places and touchstones even in the darkest times, and that fighting is always worth it. A bit vaguer of an answer that I wanted, but after reading an egregious amount of journalism, real and pseudo, over the past few days, I believe it's saying this: we should fight all the fights that are feasible to keep the Trump/Pence ticket out because it may not work this time, but it's crucial for future progressive elections and will make a huge difference in the long-term. AND we may actually see something come of it. Don't give up, have hope, and know that even if this is it, and Trump is our answer, that there are still safe places and people we can build community with now.

The next three are more straightforward and more about us and less about the election. The placements are:

  1. What do we do to cope in the immediate?
  2. How do we change our behavior so this doesn't happen again? (IE how do we stop contributing to white cisnormative heteropatriachy supremacy)
  3. What DOES the future look like right now, and how does that affect us?

The final card in this one is "What do I need to know, no matter how things turn out?" That's the top one.

This sample reading, mostly geared towards me but potentially useful to you says this: our coping mechanism is the 10 of Air, a card of tarot specifically in this case. For me, tarot has always been my healer and my saving grace. It has gotten me through major stepping stones in each of my careers. It has aided my therapy. It has given me answers, guidance, and hope when I didn't even know or think I deserved them, and so for me this is obvious: turn to the tarot like I've always done. For you it may not be tarot--the message I have for those reading based on this is turn to whatever has always healed and soothed YOU, the thing that has gotten you through crossroad after crossroad and threshold after threshold. That thing hasn't gone anywhere. So I'm going to keep flipping cards, creating art, and writing it all down to share with you. I'm going to snuggle my queerplatonic partner and my cats even harder and more often. My coffee habit is going nowhere in the immediate. And you--you do whatever the equivalent to these things is to you.

The cards then remind me to always be fair and balanced if I want to tip the scales of progress in the future. Flying off at the mouth may not be my best bet right now. For some people it absolutely will be, remember, this was primarily a personal reading. For YOU this one is about always putting your money, your carbon footprint, your mouth where your heart is. We all need to evaluate our own part in getting to this point. No white person, no cis person, no man, no straight person, no able-bodied or healthy person is completely innocent. There is more you can do and the time to evaluate that is now.

Unfortunately with the God card here, we're in for it to be a little rough for awhile. Those coping mechanisms and our community building skills are going to be crucial. We will be struggling against white supremacy and patriarchy for awhile. It's important to remember that even if somehow this vote gets overturned, this ticket has uncorked those who have been dying to act out hatred and bigotry for Goddess knows how long. That's not going to go away overnight. Getting a different president in will not solve all of our problems. We have to keep fighting back, we have to expect change to be small at first. We have to be strong and disciplined and strategic. That last keyword is just as important as the others now.

Finally, the "what do I need to know?" card gives us a card of cows and farms and "slow but steady." Remember that there is enough to go around. Do not center your movement in greed and power grabs--that's how we got here in the first place. Donate to organizations that need it if you're able. Try to live your life as normally as possible. Trust that true change takes time but hearts are softening as we speak. Your home is still your sanctuary for now, and if it isn't, there is a sanctuary for you. Find it.

BUT WAIT--while this spread gave me a ton to plan, think about, meditate on, etc. I really needed to pull one more card, to see if there was any hope that the next 4-8 years would either not be Trump or Pence-led, and if they were if there was any way it wouldn't be terrible. And the deck gave me this:

Check out that 90's-tastic fabric on my favorite ugly chair.

Check out that 90's-tastic fabric on my favorite ugly chair.

Primal matriarchal, earthy energy. Fertility, success, creation. Love. Compassion. Your Divine is still here and it is listening. Make of that what you will.

Until next time, Blessed Be.

 

In Comes November

Unless you're here for the first time and know nothing about witches, you know by now that October is my absolute favorite month. This one was a little rougher than most, but in true October fashion it all came together and created a stunning bigger picture for the season and I am so happy with how it all came together. Here's some snapshots for the month as we move into November. I often forgot how lovely November can be too. This year I might have some fun semi-surprises going on in my personal life, and will have some events/press/etc. going on that I'll probably talk about here. Here's where October took me:

  • My Tarot Practice: took a bit of a hit this month, and after a real rollercoaster year in my creative life, I struggled to find spiritual and emotional centeredness, eventually getting there by the end of the month. I've decided to shelve my push to work events for awhile (inspired in part by this post), if not forever. I was shocked when that decision resulted in a new burst of individual client work, potential writing and collaborative opportunities, and a few exact ideal events (but not an overwhelming amount) cropping up. Sometimes you have to kill something that's been stressing you or bringing you down to achieve the greatness you know you deserve, and that's a core tenant of my life, yet I am always surprised by how quick that turnaround was.

    My tarot highlight of the month was reading at the anniversary party for the Eye of Horus--I had such a lovely time and got to read for a store regular dressed as Rose Quartz from Steven Universe! I love my work family so much. They have been so supportive of my tarot career inside and outside of the store and I really feel I've grown as a reader and a witch in ways I never anticipated when I nervously went in for my audition gig. I'm so grateful and so happy for such a celebration of their 13th year.
  • Things I Wrote: While I kept up with my steady writing gigs and am happy with the (sparse, few, but lovely) things I posted here, one of my best memories for the month (and year!) was featuring at Story Club, a local storytelling event in which I talked about one of my worst and least talked about trauma sources. The crowd was perfect and I feel such an intense relief--and an intense eagerness for more storytelling opportunities!
  • Theatre Life: GADFLY KILLED IT THIS MONTH. I am beside myself. Our first mainstage show at the Gallery sold out it's entire closing weekend, and in fact oversold one night (which was stressful in its own right, but the right kind of stress). In addition to that, we welcomed long-time queer art icon company Patrick's Cabaret into the space for regular events, and got to see some of our all time favorite performers at Outspoken queer open mic's third anniversary.
  • Other Things I Loved: Manny and I's queerplatonic partnership turned 13! Exciting stuff. We met right around Halloween--we didn't get to celebrate until just barely into November, but it was marvelous nonetheless. Our Samhain ritual with another friend was very special and really magick (and unexpectedly invigorating). Other fun things from the month:
    • All of my friends' Halloween costumes were so cute! Manny went as Tina Belcher, and I spent time with a Ghostbuster. Those were my faves, but everyone rocked it this year. You can see some on my personal instagram. I also do a (mostly daily) free promotional reading to help guide your day there.
    • I saw Chastity Brown in concert again, this time on her own! Her voice alone brings me to tears, and the intimacy of the space we were at made everything extra evocative.
    • I guess I live here now? A couple of my favorite nights of the month were spent with a fancy overpriced OR really crappy beer, long intense games of oversized Jenga, and some very hostile (on my end) pinball. They have them in more places than just Minneapolis, so see if one's near you if you aren't living here!
    • Walks along the Mississippi never get old, and Pokemon giving us extra candy and ghosts made that extra true. I also love just sitting by the dam and listening though, and there's usually a busker I really love right nearby.
    • I did try to go to the Luke's Diner pop-up because I am an unabashed Gilmore Girls fangirl, but the place I was at ran out of everything! I was so disappointed but consoled myself with Tiny Diner because it's also amazing.
    • Book recommendations! Even This Page Is White by Vivek Shraya left me unable to move or even blink in multiple places. One of the hands down best poetry books I have ever read in my entire life. Buy it right here. Just do it. In lighter news, Spider-Gwen took me awhile to get to. It was on my comics list, just not high priority. I'm glad I delved in though, it's pretty rad. I've also been plowing my way through 11/22/63 by Stephen King. I'm not finished, but I'm super into it. King is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me--I don't love his protagonists most of the time, and plotholes exist pretty plentifully in his world, but this one is really absorbing and a great offset to a hectic, tumultous, but ultimately good month.
    • TV & Music Recommendations: This season of How to Get Away With Murder is seriously heart attack inducing. I just want my big dumb babies to be okay. I also hopped on the Steven Universe bandwagon late in the game but I'm ridiculously here for it. I already talked to you about Chastity Brown but WOW. Her CD and EP will cut to your core. It didn't get much notice, but Rufus Wainwright has a CD of Shakespeare's sonnets set to music. It's not for everyone--but it is amazing if you're into that sort of thing.

That was my month! I hope you all had a marvelous month of spoop and celebration and witchery. Feel free to tweet at me, leave comments, etc. to tell me about your own month or chime in about my recommendations. Until next time,

Blessed Be.

Embracing October

Oh wow, what a difference a month makes--as I knew it would be, September was VERY kind to me (in spite of some major health concerns over the past few weeks, but that's nothing I'm not used to). So many things leveled off and look normal now, which me at 22 would have run screaming from, but the me who's almost 32 could not be happier about. Managing chronic illness requires instituting a little more stability than my boho nature would nurture on it's own, and what a gift to be balancing what seems to be the best of both worlds finally. My magickal duty now is to nurture growth, integration, and protect what's already been gained. So much easier than so much of the "starting from scratch" the summer stuck me with, and now we're in my favorite month. October is when I met my queerplatonic partner. October is when I bonded with my current squad. October is Halloween/Samhain/my favorite temperatures/leaves falling/new shoes/the no-longer-useful dying off. October is when I breathe best, but before we fully embrace, and homage to this September, which was so gracious in it's own right.

On a walk along the river practically right beside my new place.

On a walk along the river practically right beside my new place.

  • My Tarot Practice finally has a studio of it's own! I adore having an in-home studio. I know a lot of readers don't love or trust working this way, but for me it really does make my life make so much more sense. I also got to read at Pagan Pride at Minnehaha Falls, which was wonderful. I'm also head over heels in love with coaching tarot newbies. I am soon rolling out a package for in person coaching sessions, but the tl;dr version will have two offerings: one that is a total coaching package, 3.5 month commitment. The other is one of sessions for those who just need to meet up once or twice to ask my opinion on a few things they're confused about, get some guided practice, or learn some new viewpoints. Both will be $50 a session and you can email me to get started now!
  • Things I Wrote: Still in love with my turn at Little Red Tarot, and over at TheColu.mn I'm still rocking that arts beat. No new gigs but that should be changing before the end of the year.
  • Theatre Life: Uh, I guess I open a show next weekend? It's REAL good and I'm so proud to have produced it. Also if you're Twin Cities located and looking for a spot for a poetry slam, workshop, rehearsal, or seminar, check out Gadfly's rental packages! AND I had a blast being the point person on our latest Drunk Queer History event. This series has been so wonderful for all involved so far. Gadfly also featured at OutSpoken, which was a lovely way to fully embrace the Fox Egg being ours.
Rehearsal shots from the upcoming   She Kills Monsters .

Rehearsal shots from the upcoming She Kills Monsters.

  • Other Things I Loved: The queerplatonic partner turned 30 which meant Nepalese food, drinks at Lush, dessert at the Lowry, and drag queen brunch (also at Lush). I got to squeeze in a LOT of other random fun, magick, and art this month too. Highlights include:
    • Asali pulled some oracle cards for me, and it was beautiful and perfect.
    • Going to Sassafras Healing Arts for regular herbal treatments is the best self-care I've introduced myself to in awhile.
    • The play The Children which is running at Pillsbury through the 16th was creepy and captivating.
    • I SAW TEGAN AND SARA LIVE FINALLY! I've been a huge fan forever, and was always broke or out of town whenever they were here. I'm still beside myself at the memories of being there.
    • I adventured to the Renaissance Fair (even if it was a final hurrah with one of my fave adventure buddies who is leaving for Atlanta) down in Shakopee.
    • AND I finally made it to the 318 Club, owned by a good friend. It was adorable and the food was delicious.
    • I know I usually stick some book recommendations here too, but my reading was either dissatisfying or warranted a bigger review. I will say that if "creepy but romantic" is your jam, Alice Hoffman's Museum of Extraordinary Things is not mind-blowing but it does hit the spot for that niche.
An oracle pull from Asali Earthwork.

An oracle pull from Asali Earthwork.

That was pretty much it! September was a lot of fun side adventures in the overall theatre/tarot/wordsmith adventure that is my life--but October sees me producing a mainstage show and tends to require I buckle down in my tarot business so it was good to get roaming when I had time to. I'm so excited to watch Eye of Horus have a birthday this month, as well as see what else the universe has in store for me.

In the meantime, Blessed Be.

At Home Tarot Studio Is Open For Business!

Y'all. I am so excited. The QPP and I's last space that was just ours only had a tarot section of the living room due to space constraints, and I'm SO thrilled to have this room--I won't be able to use this extra room as a tarot studio forever, but that's a different announcement for a different time. In the immediate though, this beautiful apartment also comes with space for me to make magick, experiment with new decks and cards, and of course--read for clients and coach students. (My writing will probably still be done from my bed, if I'm being totally honest). Furthermore, my QPP is now fully qualified and taking Pay What You Can Reiki clients, and WE LEFT SO MUCH OPEN SPACE FOR ENERGY WORK which means the energy of the whole space is going to feel healing and vibrant in no time. Without further ado, LOOK AT THIS MAGICKAL ESCAPE:

Uh, we maybe haven't figured out altars yet. Don't judge us for this messy one.

Uh, we maybe haven't figured out altars yet. Don't judge us for this messy one.

Here's a close-up of the corner I journal, read, learn, teach, and read cards in--it's right by the windows so we have the great views still. That table covering is a zodiac wheel that I got while visiting my family in Ohio. I love it. It changes depending on my mood though. Sometimes it's just black, green, or purple.

 

AND THE BOOKS. This is only about 2/3. I just discovered a box I was really confused about way back in the end of the apartment hall I don't go in a lot, and I am very generous with loaning my books out so long as I trust the people. A dear friend is dropping off a TON of mine back to me in the next couple of days. I might even have to move my decks, so we'll see! (They probably deserve their own small shelf anyway).

That's the gist of it for now, but I haven't done any photo-heavy posts since we moved. Once I have altars and everything ready to go I'll likely do another one. In the meantime,

Blessed be!

August is Over--Praise Literally Everyone

Wow this summer was hard for me, holy crap. But you know what? Summer is always my worst season. I don't know what it is. It started in childhood, but almost every bad thing that's ever happened to me has happened in summer (ironically, except for the reasons I actually have PTSD). This was the worst one in quite a while, but it always give way to my favorite season. Autumn is always when I do my best work, plant my best seeds while pulling up from my best harvests at the same time. I know everyone loves autumn, Pagans especially, but it has always been when I get my fresh starts. And sure enough, I got mine this year. I finally found an amazing, affordable apartment for the QPP and I to continue our lives and start this next chapter and be happy and live comfortably indefinitely. The only thing on my wish list that I didn't get was "outdoor space" and we are shy one room--but there is PLENTY of space for my tarot studio in the main space if we ever need that third bedroom for something else. (Plus I have my own bathroom, my first walk-in closet, and the internet company randomly sent us a box that makes the network channels be on my TV at no extra charge?). I'm so grateful and feel like my old self again. (Which you'll note via silly cat pics and me in goofy hats while unpacking if you follow me on Snapchat.) Needless to say, hunting a place to live and then moving into absorbed most of my August, but I managed to squeeze in some work and play.

  • My Tarot Practice stayed strong, and the email side of things has already seen a spike since the energy of acquiring a tarot room came into my life. I acquired a few more regulars and my time at The Eye of Horus every week is such a saving grace spiritually as well as providing such a beautiful tarot opportunity.
  • Things I Wrote: Still in love with my turn at Little Red Tarot, and over at TheColu.mn I published this spotlight on a documentary some of my IRL friends were featured in. I also got comped into the premiere as a result and it was such a wonderful experience overall. Here on my own blog, I got to interview TWO queer deck creators and squeezed some other things out too.
  • Theatre Life: Prep, prep, prep! Cleaning out and rearranging our gallery, rehearsals for our mainstage show, and TWO big September events coming up. Not the most exciting to blog about, but our PlayGround is buzzing with energy and love. I did get to witness two amazing mainstays of the space: OUTSpoken, a queer open mic that meets there monthly, and New Sh!t Show, Minneapolis--a place for artists of all types to try out brand new pieces. I'm so in love with the space and my co-conspirators. To find out more including how to support, head here.
  • Other Things I Loved: My new neighborhood in NE Minneapolis, the view from my apartment, my new furniture--just, you know, new apartment life in general. Hitting up the Joke Joint in St. Paul (well, just outside of) with friends I don't get to see very often. Our first Squad birthday of birthday season which took us all over LynLake raising hell (with respect to neighbors of course). Getting to actually see several Fringe Festival shows thanks to generous friends and an unusually good client week right before. (And everything was so good!)

Finally I have to give a huge, huge shout out to my friends and family this summer. I was not easy to love when I couldn't find a place. I was miserable and I wanted everyone to know it and I wavered between needing non-stop attention and wanting to just hide and disappear. Not only was nearly everyone in my life wonderful that whole time, but so many people helped me move and were so happy to see our place. People rearranged their whole weekends super last minute and took me thrift shopping for furniture, gifted me furniture, gifted me money to help with all those last minute moving expenses, and of course came and did the (literal) heavy lifting to get us moved into the new space quickly. Once I settled a little (though I still have so, so much to unpack.) I realized how much love and magick I'd been gifted the whole time. It's not that I wasn't grateful in the moment, I just felt so panicked I couldn't process it. But now I never want to forget how loved I feel after this month, and to put that much love back out in the world moving forward. I know life always has its ups and downs but before I found a place I was so worried I was regressing. Now I'm so elated and really feel like I hit the restart button in all the right ways. So if you're my squad or my fam and you're reading this--thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you--I want to say it forever. I love you all (even those just reading or who just cam here for tarot or queer thoughts and insights) so much. I can't wait to see what this September brings.

Blessed Be,

Cassandra

I Did A Bunch of Scary Stuff Lately

I live with pretty severe anxiety, and on top of that while I'm not super pro self-diagnosis, I'm almost positive I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. Some of the specific things I'm afraid of include (but are definitely not limited to): queer girls who are cooler than me, speaking in front of people, talking out loud about shit I've been through, asking for things, asking for money, dealing with conflict, receiving even the most well-intentioned critical feedback, and telling people out loud that I'm setting boundaries. So it might seem weird that I've chosen not one, but three career tracks (Renaissance Soul for life!) that rely heavily on engaging audiences or clients, asking for tangible support from theoretical supporters, and speaking my truth. I've managed to carve out comfort zones within that though: asking via internet, delegation when that can't be done, and setting firm boundaries and post-scary-thing self-care modules.

March and early April were rough for me for a lot of reasons, but truth be told I've been through much harder times in my life. After taking some time for self-reflection I think what wore me out SO much was how much I pushed my own boundaries, which is a good thing, but without taking extra time and effort for self-care, which is not. After realizing this, I'm really proud of some of the things I did: I directly engaged with queer girls who are WAY cooler than me. I maintained some substantial professional relationships that in the immediate rely on me asking for prolonged favors. A project failed and I had to look my collaborators in the eye and ask why. And ultimately I ended up on stage doing a story-telling feature about getting my period all over a nice restaurant in a nearby affluent suburb.

Some of the lessons I took away from this seem so basic. "Just do the scary thing" is obviously the biggest one, and I used to be a lot better about that. At some point I had enough professional colleagues or close friends to delegate scary things too and enough successes I could achieve without digging TOO deep that I really had ended up in a very comfortable place. This is such an achievement in and of itself for someone who doesn't trust people and is afraid of both fear and success in and of themselves, and it was important for me to get to that safe place to know that I COULD get to safe places in my life. But I know more than anybody that if we sit complacent for too long, we stop succeeding. So it was also important for me to get OUT of that safe place and into scary-land again. I didn't take the impetus myself, and the universe forced my hand, but it did remind me of how much more confidently I used to approach such things. Doing the things that terrify me never crushed me quite like it did this time, even when they failed, and sometimes the lesson we're meant to be learning are not new to us.

I also learned something kind of horrible: there's no easy answer to overcoming anxiety enough to succeed. There isn't. At some point my fear of continued failure became worse than my fear of talking to people, and that's what pushed me towards the scary stuff. I think getting to that point IS the point. There is no quick fix or easy answer for something that requires prolonged therapy and possibly medication. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and feel like I fit in with hip lesbians or more successful WTFs. I'm not going to overcome my fear of criticism in a day, or by receiving positive feedback. I'm not going to conquer my all-consuming fear of failure simply by having it come true once and being okay. There aren't easy answers. Sometimes you just have to do the thing anyway. You have to reach as far inside of you as you can to summon enough strength to get through that hour, or evening, or even day. 

And know this: everyone is afraid, all the time. Nobody feels like they know what they're doing a majority of the time. Maybe that's depressing because that means dealing with fear doesn't get easier, but I choose to look at as comforting, because it means I'm not alone in my fears, ever. Yes, there are confident people, and yes, that sometimes includes me--but for me, my confidence is now coming from knowing that I am going to be okay no matter what, and knowing that the things I'm feeling are necessary for growth. It comes from knowing I am perfectly competent at the things I do, even if in the movement I'd rather disappear than do the scary thing. It comes from knowing I am loved, on the right life path, and usually have karma on my side--in other words, I do tons of spiritual work and am a good person well BEFORE I need to be confident in a moment. And, yes, as a part-Slytherin sometimes my confidence comes from knowing everyone around me is just as scared and there is no way all of our fears are justified.

And the thing I re-learned this time, with a vengeance, is that when you summon up the courage, or the energy to override ANY neuroatypical or trauma-based coding, you have to, have to, have to take care of yourself afterwards. After my story-telling feature two of my best friends took me out for a nice meal and a beer and listened to me just whine about how scary things were. It felt great. It also reminded me that after all of the other scary things I'd done in the previous three three weeks, I should've had a glass of wine, a hot tub, a good book, or even just a fucking pizza waiting for myself when I was done. Because taking care of yourself in the moment may be beyond your control, but if you nurture yourself before and after, you WILL keep doing the scary stuff, and it's not gonna drain you nearly as much.

I don't have all the answers. I'm just a queer, disabled solopreneur and artist trying to survive capitalism and help others do the same--but I think I'm starting to get a handle on keeping myself together, even when all I want to do is fall apart. I can say with certainty after this month that the scary things are worth doing--but you should definitely have a safe place to land in between.

Blessed be.

Better Late Than Never! (Happy New Moon?)

Hey all!

So I've been blogging and social media-ing ad nauseam about how hard the past few weeks have been for so many of us, and about a week and a half ago I created this spread I've really fallen in love with. I wanted to have it up for your New Moon rituals, so you'd have some insight as your slate (hopefully) wiped clean under Aries' Moon's watchful eye. Even if tonight goes SO great but you're still having some lingering icky energy, or if you were waiting to figure out the problem before you attempted to move forward, or you just want to file away for future use, this spread should help you get to the root of major runs of bad luck or gross energy.

Appropriately, I've titled this the "WHY IS EVERYTHING A MESS?!" spread.

In case you can't read my third grade handwriting, I'll break it down for you: Four cards, the second card you lay crossing the first. Their placements indicate:

1- The root of the problem, AKA "Why is Everything a Mess"
2- Other energy in the situation that you can use or pull into solving the root issue
3-The long term solution, what's needed to keep this energy or crisis at bay forever
4-The Quick Fix--what to do, think, or change to get through your days until your energy shifts and the long term solution is well underway.

Here's my example spread. As you can see, it packs quite a punch in just four short cards. The Two of Swords is the root of my problem. In this case I am afraid to break routine, afraid to break a self-imposed stalemate between where I am now, where I'm supposed to be going, and the safety of the in-between phase. In short, my fear of success is keeping me from seeing opportunities for rebirth. I am standing on the precipice of change, and rather than taking the leap, I am waiting on the precipice for as long as possible, so of course everything's messed up. This is amplified by my crossing energy, a Two of Cups promising me love, success, and a significant gift for manifestation if I allow myself to embrace it. Law of attraction is and could be quite strong for me right now, if I but see it. The Two of Cups is also about balance and love, and it is likely that I am being asked by this crossing energy to reframe some of how I think about recent events. A lot has gone wrong--but a lot of people have really, really been there for me.

My long-term fix is deeply personal but the short version is this: there is a voice I hear every time I think I am failing or about to fail. Or succeeding or about to succeed. It is the voice of someone I don't believe believes in me judging me harshly for every single misstep, and devaluing my successes. This person in my life did at one point exist and cause very really problems for me, but now the damage is purely psychological. The cards are telling me that until I work through my fear and sadness caused by this person, I will continue to hear this voice, and it will screw me over, and it is time I get serious about taking my life back and banishing this voice once and for all. I hate how accurate this was, hate how painful it was to see splayed it, but it has been crucial in my motivation moving forward in this trying time. Luckily, my "quick fix" was easy: Don't pick up battles that aren't mine to fight. Don't get into senseless arguments, and if a burden feels to heavy, drop it. I was already doing much of this for self-care purposes, so basically if I stay on the right path where this is concerned I will get through the day-to-day okay.

Remember, a New Moon is always a good opportunity to wipe your slate clean and start over, and the fire and decisiveness of Aries can often force us too. If you're someone who's last moon phase was marked by everything falling apart, know it should ease in this time--but using this aptly titled "Why Is Everything a Mess" spread to figure out WHAT to focus on fixing has helped me and several clients get to the less painful part faster, and I hope it helps you too, reader.

Blessed be.

My Birthday Wishes

I didn't have candles to blow out this year (which is A-ok by me. 31 + 1 for luck seems like a fire hazard), but I still did my annual birthday reading and intention setting, of course. (I also went to Duluth, so enjoy some silly pictures interspersed to keep things interesting.) In addition to a ton of personal stuff, here is what I'm putting out in the world that I want to percolate on and manifest by the time I'm 32 (and how you can help me with one big dream!) :

  • This sounds so wild and out there--but I'd really like to at least be in talks about a book deal for my Queering the Tarot concept and columns.
  • A nice three-bedroom space for me and the queerplatonic partner to sprawl out in, and that can more easily accommodate for both of us manifesting adult relationships and other family dreams we have.
  • More road trips and travel in general--which I'm kicking off with a trip to LA in March!
  • AND speaking of space, my wonderful queer, feminist theatre company, Gadfly Theatre Productions is looking for a small found space that we can turn into a 70ish seat, adaptable space for not only our own work but other queer art and art by marginalized women to thrive. We have an IndieGoGo campaign ready to go here. We're off to a bit of a slow start but have plenty of time so I know we'll get there. Still, every little bit helps, and if we meet our push goals after the $7,000 we can start discounting rentals for other artists besides what's already in our business plan, creating a truly low-cost space to create in. I am so passionate about and excited to actually enter a phase where we can share a valuable resource AND root our own work so people know where to come for radical, patriarchy-smashing queer art.
Look, it's Duluth! One of my favorite places in this entire world. Lake Superior is so soothing and restorative, and there are very few places I would have rather been on my birthday.

Look, it's Duluth! One of my favorite places in this entire world. Lake Superior is so soothing and restorative, and there are very few places I would have rather been on my birthday.

Beyond these four (BIG) goals, I just want to constantly be moving forward in my life right now. Last year was a huge year for personal emotional and spiritual growth. Now I want to take that into a year of action where my dreams morph into tangible goals. The Chariot card and the word "Movement"are what I'm holding in my heart for 2016. However, two days before my 31st birthday I was reading this amazing book, and there was a David Mura quote in the beginning:

Sometimes, you’re so busy surviving, you forget you already have.
— David Mura

I've had a ROUGH life. I don't say that to garner any sympathy, but so people understand that every single thing I do, every facet on my life, is built on the idea of surviving. I do just enough to get by, because building and growing has never seemed like an option. What if I need to pick up and run again, after all? Well after seven years in a city I love, six years running a theatre company that is the love of my life, a metaphysical store and a ton of clients supporting my tarot business, a writing job I wake up every day excited about, and a truly supportive "squad", I'm done being ready to pack up and go at a moment's notice. I have survived, and I am here to stay and make my mark in this world. (Besides, where else would I go that has this many quality coffee shops I can walk to in any given neighborhood?) I want to move forward, not away. I want to grow taller, not apart. I want to thrive, and for the first time in my life I see that as a possibility. I'm going to become more visible, and that terrifies me...

But never publishing my writing on a large scale? Never being a name in the theatre world at large? Never trusting and fully forming the non-traditional queer-as-can-be family I've always dreamed of? Those things terrify me way more, and those things deserve for my 31st year on this Earth to be one of moving towards them. 

Blessed be (and happy birthday to me!)

January is Over!

Tongue in cheek as it was, I recently blogged about getting off to a rough start on this blog. I adore having my own personal corner of the internet, different from social media, but truth be told this was a pretty brutal month for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Just as I was recovering from a really gross, painful PCOS issue, I got the sinus infection from hell. As soon as I recovered from that, a bunch of personal stuff hit the fan (everyone's fine...now.) I ended the month getting in a minor car wreck on the way to event, hearing that someone I used to be very, very close with passed away, and with my least favorite server at a diner I frequent just to add insult to injury. Still, a lot of GREAT things happened this month too:

~I joined the cast of Patrick's Cabaret's next show, My Horrifying Love Life. I have a dream team cast and we're doing 7 plays in 15 minutes. Our show is called "Go Home, Aphrodite, You're Drunk," and we are "equally inspired by the hyper-realism of the theatre movement started by the Neo-Futurists and the complete and utter absurdity of the gay and lesbian channel on Netflix."
~Wrote some art reviews and about tarot here, and about tarot here.
~Secured really top-notch talent for Gadfly's Three-Day Celebration of Queer Art in March.
~Was a clue in a scavenger hunt!
~And of course, read for a lot of really wonderful clients. I actually added a few new probable regulars which is always the best feeling to know you've really connected with someone.

In my theoretical downtime I've been reading tons of graphic novels (read The Woods series, it's so good!), getting the queerplatonic partner caught up on The X-Files, and seeing a lot of really great theatre and art. I also had adult dreamsicle floats, entertained an out of town friend by playing Superfight, and spent way too much money at a steampunk coffee shop. The best books I read where I am Princess X by Cherie Priest which is a YA novel that was so not what I expected and so, so very good, and Portia de Rossi's Unbearable Lightness which almost broke me.

I have a very hectic, amazing February planned. I'm moving out of my cute little hobbit hole in Uptown Minneapolis and into a lovely split level townhouse in Whittier where I am dog-sitting for four months at the very end. My birthday is the 19th. (Don't let the cusp fool you. I could not be more of a Pisces,) and I have the Patrick's show the 12th and 13th. My client hours will stay relatively the same:

Eye of Horus Monday and Wednesday evenings
By appointment or email, 2-7 usually, Thurs-Sun

Appointments outside of Eye of Horus are payment due in advance, as are email readings. As for this blog, I've got an oracle deck to review, and some surprises up my sleeve, so definitely stay tuned!

Until then, Blessed Be.


 

Photo by http://www.melissahessephotography.com/

Photo by http://www.melissahessephotography.com/


12 Totally Legit Reasons My Blog is Slow To Start

Hey all! I am so excited about this website and having a tarot/personal blog to go with my business. Already I've met so many awesome people who just Googled me or whatever, and I'm so pumped to see that grow! That being said, my high hopes for tarot, business, queer, and personal posts is clearly off to a crawl. Here's my list of excuses!

1. Stomach virus! Two days off work meant one million hours of catch up.

2. My other writing gigs. I love, love, love them and clearly work better on a deadline :/

3. My super rad theatre company needed me to make some hefty leadership decisions and I'm curating a three-day festival that took a couple days to get ahead on.

4. An influx of beautiful, wonderful clients.

5. Dog-sitting has me up and down at weird hours.

6. I'm dog-sitting. They have CABLE and a JACUZZI you guys.

7. Depression. Why lie?

8. I would say writer's block but the real reason is procrastination. I have TONS of ideas.

9. Mercury Retrograde.

10. I'm truly, very upset by the U.S. GOP Presidential race. Like "need to cover up with a blanket and hide forever" upset.

11. I forgot my password.

12. Fear of success. Or failure. Or both.

SO there you have it--12 extremely legitimate reasons why I haven't blogged since Christmas, and the actually useful info that I'm back now. Let me know if there's anything you want me to cover, queer tarot witch wise or just in general. 

Blessed be, and thanks for your patience as I get used to even having this thing.

Welcome to My Tarot World!

Good Evening all--I am so excited to have this website up and running thanks to my friends at Wedge Tech. I'm not quite sure how to do a first blog without it sounding and weird and clunky or overexcited, so I'll just tell you a few things about myself and hope for the best.

In addition to being a professional tarot reader, I run a queer, feminist theatre company here in Minneapolis, MN where I live. I'm a professional writer (in spite of what this post may have you believe), and I do some storytelling and various performance art as a form of that as well. I'm a Pagan, an activist, and a coffee fiend. I have a regular gig that I love, reading a few days a week at The Eye of Horus. I live with what they call "moderate to severe" rheumatoid arthritis, severe polycystic ovarian syndrome, and post-traumatic stress disorder that usually manifests as generalized anxiety disorder. I'm mostly vegan, by which I mean I try. I'm fat and I'm fine with it. (Really! Most of the time. Nobody's perfect.) I love my cats, love to travel, and have a very close-knit group of mostly (but not exclusively) queer friends, and am queer as hell myself. I'm a pretty geeky, usually femme-presenting, and a touch bohemian in style and lifestyle. I will read almost anything you set in front of me, especially if it touches on anything else I mentioned. I'm single and don't love it, but prioritize my businesses, my health, and my framily (friends + family + those who I consider both) over stressing about it.

I bring all of this up primarily because any of it could show up on this blog, and because I love when bloggers go off brand slightly and talk about who they are and what they love, so I'm hoping you do too. This blog will mostly be about divination, Paganism, and my life as a tarot reader, writer, artist, and solopreneur, but everything else I mentioned colors my life pretty deeply and may show up.

For an intro to my tarot writing, check out thecolu.mn where I am a tarot and arts writer, and Little Red Tarot which reprints my Queering the Tarot series. That series is one of my favorite things I have ever done/am doing, and you'll see reprints here as well. I do daily readings on instagram. I have a Facebook page.

In the meantime, blessed be! Feel free to write me a comment or message about what you're looking forward to or hope to see on this blog.