Cat Pee, Car Trouble & Looking Ahead

                                One of my many beautiful walks along the river from May

Last week my roommate came home and I was sobbing uncontrollably, absolutely distraught. I felt totally helpless and like all of the work I put into my career, my home, my relationships was completely worthless. Why?

Because I came home and my cat had clearly peed in the front hallway, making my whole large-but-still-an-apartment-sized-apartment reek of cat pee. In truth, that was obviously not the real reason. I woke up in a bad mood because of PTSD-fueled nightmares all night. I was exhausted and stressed out. Money was hemorrhaging due to car trouble much quicker than it was coming in and it'd been a whole day of dealing with said car trouble instead of being productive. And...the cat pee caused my already poverty-trauma laden brain to flash back to growing up with a million animals with no one disciplined enough to properly care for them around, and certainly no one with enough means to care for them coming by. I have spent my entire life scratching and crawling my way away from that life, and to have a day where money was leaking everywhere coupled with that familiar smell, I lost it, completely. Then I lost two more days because of PTSD--some related to my upbringing, some related to the sexual assault reminders coming in while I was trying to sleep. 

My Virgo roommate (who also did not have a lot of pets growing up) handled my hysterical breakdown as well as anyone could have, and came up with solutions like strategically placing cat food, toys, and treats where they like to pee so they won't anymore. Knock on wood, it's worked for almost a whole week! So I went into writing this post feeling like May was a wash--but really I've accomplished a lot, had a lot of shenanigans, and am very happy about all of the great things coming up this June. The biggest takeaway from this experience though is how everyone in my life treated me. My Eye of Horus fam totally left me alone in between clients because what I needed was rest and quiet. My roommate/queerplatonic partner came up with solutions and was totally understanding about the reasons for the breakdown. My best friend talked me off a cliff about my professional concerns. It was a reminder of what I'm building outside of my professional life: a community, a home, a nest of love & safety. The things that make life worth living when the sun goes down are all here even when I'm freaking out over cat pee. And that feels pretty damn good.

My end of May wrap-up then, actually looks pretty good and gives me (and you!) even more to get excited about! So let's jump in:

Tarot Stuffs!

• I have not one, but THREE classes lined up for August and September at various venues. Info is incoming about those but if you like sex & love queers you're going to be elated to find out what I have up my sleeve.
• I received a review copy of this beautiful deck. Review still pending but this deck is beautiful. I am so attached to it already. 
• I am actually on in-person tarot reading hiatus except for Eye of Horus shifts and e-mail readings until June 12th because of overload, spoons, and practicality. But you can sign up for the latter half of the month now, snag an e-mail reading or visit me at the store anytime.

Things I Wrote

• Queering the Tarot updates are here and here. I love how much this series has taken off and become such a core function of both my tarot business and my writing. I want to write it forever, but, of course, I will run out of cards eventually. In the meantime, book mark one of the two sites to see updates!
• I started a pretty happening queer arts calendar at The Column, so if you live in or near the Twin Cities, I'm so happy to report that there's this easy go-to for you to find radical entertainment.
• I'm back on Siobhan's Mirror slinging Tarot 'Scopes this month!
• My friend Sarah McPeck put together a wonderful storytelling show to benefit Clare Housing and I told my always raucous story of getting a really aggressive period at a really fancy dinner party. That story might be told at a much bigger outlet pretty soon, so I am very excited for that.

Theatre Life

• Eek! Opening THIS weekend are some plays I wrote. I, unfortunately, can not make it to the shows because I'm scheduled for reader shifts and I need them, but I am very happy with my pieces and so sad to be missing the show for the first time in quite awhile.
• Gadfly has this queer, feminist, geeky one-act fest opening NEXT WEEK. Ahhh! I'm so pumped--my show has a talking penguin and a non-binary knight and the beautiful princess gets to eat the whole time. The whole festival is something I'm really proud of though. Our shows, casts, directors are absolutely stunning. 

                   My really great cast for Sky's The Limit as part of our one-act festival.

• The Big Queer Garage Sale was a hit! It was a little slow on all days, but we made some decent money anyway AND got rid of a bunch of super space-consuming stuff. Plus some of my favorite people walked away with fairy wings and mysterious capes!

Recommendations

• I can not recommend Hasan Minhaj's comedy special on Netflix enough. It is, as many have said, storytelling at it's finest. I also laughed harder than I have in a long, long time. As a bonus, here's Minhaj talking more about politics, married life, and other stuff.
• I read A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman and cried inconsolably for like an hour and a half. I also loved Animals Strike Curious Poses, a book of essays by Elena Passarello about animals we (humans) have immortalized.

Other Shenanigans

• I got to help Northern Lights Witch set up for her business birthday rompus and ended up winning two BEAUTIFUL and DELICIOUS teas from Asali Earthwork. 

• My homegirl took me out for diner food after my storytelling gig, and me, her, and my QPP ended up just sitting in her car and laughing over nothing for a couple of hours. That simple night really helped me get back on my feet after a rough week. A true sign of solid friendships is that while we still kill it as drag show and burlesque audiences and get a little too wild on the dance floor, a Saturday night at a diner and an hour of laughs in a car are every bit as restorative as "losing control."
• Are you aware of Lotus candles? They do not work, but they are fun. Actually let me rephrase: they work fine. They do not stop working until your queerplatonic partner peels off every petal, rips off the top and crushes the music box that has been running an instrumental "Happy Birthday" for literal hours. 
• Finally, the Bisexual Organizing Project put together a show called Bi-lesque: Gender Anarchy earlier this month and it was the queerest, sexiest, most fun show I have seen in ages. I'm not sure if there's anything like it coming down the hatch, but you can follow BOP on Twitter to find out. 

I'm going to end this entry on two PSAs today:
1) I went to an ENT specialist last week, and it turns out the ENT will make you snort numbing spray and then shove a camera up your nose and down your throat. It is not fun, and I was completely unaware of this procedure until I got there. I just want to save you the same shock and, also, complain a little. 
2) Sometimes your bank gets shut down from the FDIC super suddenly so you have to take a day to visit 10 different banks and drink all the complimentary coffee, and anyway, if you have a decent credit score, credit unions are the way to go for free coffee and better banking. Technically there is still a bank where my money from my old bank sits (for now). It is forty minutes away in a suburb with no public transit there, so...

Anyway, that's it for me! Coming up in June:

• Northern Lights Witch is going to take over my Multi-Passion Diary for the month, 
• You'll hear more about my upcoming tarot classes, and...
• There will be even more Queering the Tarot's in the world!
• Plus, you know, this totally small, not at all time-consuming one-act festival I'm producing.

Blessed be y'all! 

Peace Out, April!

Easter cookies received as a gift to help usher in a new season and era!

A month is not inherently bad, nor does it cause pain on it's own or without provocation. In fact, April has brought me a number of highlights and joys we'll break into in a minute. But it also brought me these things:

• A phone so broken it wouldn't even turn on and a phone company insisting on a pretty high payout to do anything about it or turn a new one on.
• My queerplatonic partner getting extorted for money without any evidence or proof over something that happened over a year ago and getting verbally abused in the process.
• A tax bill I wasn't quite ready for. (This one is, admittedly, on me. Lesson learned.)
• AND A mystery illness that is forcing me to get a neck/throat ultrasound this week and sending me to specialists. I can barely eat. It's....awful.

I spent the entire month near breakdown point in spite of friends and family helping out every time they could and things otherwise going swimmingly. Things thawed out towards the end, but I had to catch up putting together a community garage sale & one act festival, running a tarot business, and writing deadlines. It's been...a lot. Even so, I'm very proud of what I've accomplished in my career and the adventures I did squeeze in. Such as:

• Tarot Hits: I acquired a Mystical Spiral from Lo Scarebo that is not my normal hyperqueer, feminist fare but is so delightfully absurd that I adore it. In actual tarot business life I'm working on TWO tarot e-books at the moment. It is my fondest, greatest wish to get a quick, popcorn take on Queering the Tarot out this April. I've got a bigger project that's more of a workbook on learning tarot the storytelling & art theory way that I'm slowly chipping away at. In the meantime, I LOVE the Sunday shifts I've picked up at Eye of Horus, the clients I've seen at my studio, and seeing my student pool grow so much this month. I'll have a couple of classes to announce soon which is VERY exciting. I also had the very distinct honor of being featured on one of my utmost tarot hero's blog as well.
• Stuff I Wrote: I had a wonderful time at my steady writing gig, including this review that breaks down why casting cisgender people in transgender roles is stupid and goes into ways NOT write a trans character in the first place. I've officially queered all the wands of the tarot too. Right now the King is only available at The Column, but will be dropping into Little Red this coming month.
• Theatre Kid Chronicles: Not a ton to report, but I'll be blogging about June one act festival a lot over the next couple of months, I'm sure. My company is running a huge community garage sale tomorrow from 8-2, so if you're in the Twin Cities, come on down to the Fox Egg Gallery!

Rocking this theatre kid life with my biz & queerplatonic partner.

• Reading & Watching Recommendations: I think this was technically May, but there's a recent episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that seriously addresses the intersection of being black and a cop. It is so so good. I read much more than I zoned out to the TV for this month. I devoured the most recent Saga graphic novel. I also maybe cried or something over it. I dunno. I read Unholy Night, a semi-horror retelling of the three wise men tale, and it was really silly but weirdly gripping.
• Other Adventures: MAYBE my best friend's oldest kid hid a bunch of bananas around her house and I went to help her find them, only to have my queerplatonic partner turn around and re-hide them all. Maybe. I also went to a bunch of really great live shows: a comedy show at Lush run by my friend Sarah, a flash theatre project at Patrick's Cabaret, and a modern retelling of Prometheus Bound were all super exceptional.  My favorite was a night featuring Venus DeMars and a slew of A-List Minneapolis performers raise money for The Aliveness Project called Last Call. It was beautiful from start to finish. I ended the month with my best adventure for it--checking out the new Lotus restaurant in Uptown and ending up walking around a Thai New Year's Festival where I got blessed by monks (the bracelet they gave me went right on my altar) and got to hear some great Thai music.

Lanterns for luck at the Thai New Year Festival I ran into.

That's pretty much it for my April. I had some beautiful moments, but am not sorry to be into May which has already been amazing so far. Wishing you and yours a month of laughter and brightness.

Blessed be y'all!

My Favorite Internet This Month! (Plus a Tarot Learnin' Tip!)

One of my favorite cards from my favorite deck.

My darling friend J Ryan from Queer Street Tarot gifted me a "Mystical Tarot" last week; this is a deck that is mass produced through Lo Scarebo/Llewellyn but it really stuck out to me in spite of not being overtly queer or feminist as a deck. The deck LOOKS like a classical art deck, but a more careful peek shows a lot of quirk and absurdity and I fell in love, so I was so grateful for the gift. That night, before I'd practice with my roommate, I did something I always do before I spread out my cards and play. "What are you doing?" Manny asked.

"Finding the most important card" I responded with the subtext of "Duh." They were understandably confused, so I thought I'd elaborate here since this is not as common a practice as I thought. Little Red Tarot and all of us who write over there, as well as countless other, usually do a deck interview when we have time to sit down with the deck to truly get to know it. However, I do something WAY before that stage when I am either trying out a new deck to see I want to own it or figuring out how a gift and I fit together. I simply shuffle the cards, ask the deck what the "most important" card in this deck is, and pull. To me this is the card that tells me what this deck's highest function is--what it wants to be used for, how it communicated, and how I as a reader can work with it best. The Slow Holler (pictured above) told me it was a deck best used to help me communicate my visions for all of the things I am so fired up and passionate about. The Slow Holler is indeed a deck of healing, but it's also one of inspiration and fire starting. Creating change in all I do, this is my favorite deck because it helps me plot that so perfectly. In the case of the Mystical Tarot I drew The Star--a card of rest, renewal, but yes, deep faith in myself and my Divine and the world around me so chock full of resources and life. This is a deck that will both deepen my relationship with myself and the Divine, but will also help me find practical resources when need be whether I'm planning an art project, a business venture, or a revolution. Try it with your favorite deck, and see what you come up with. I usually will pull fresh every few months for the decks I use most often, and when I pick up one I've been neglecting I pull one to start too. In the meantime, here's a whole lot of links!

Tarot and Witchcraft

• A lovely glamour based on who you are from the Witch of Lupine Hollow.
• Alexis has some great observations on mistakes every tarot reader makes.
• Siobhan (of Siobhan's Mirror) and Asali (of Asali Earthwork) have a great conversation that I've even re-read a couple of times here.
• I love the Tarot in Art series and was excited to learn about a work and painter I hadn't yet. Catch up on the whole thing by following links through if you haven't.
• Mary K. Greer has a very fun murder mystery based on the tarot happening over at her blog!
• Do you follow local (Minneapolis) Astrology Whiz Heather Roan Robbins yet? You definitely should; she's a rock star at what she does, and her Starcode series is beyond helpful.
• Haiti, Vodou and the Racism inherent when we talk about either.
• A shrine to slutty queerness over on Little Red!!! I'm so happy about this whole thing.
• I don't even want to tell you anything about this Hood Witch post about Becoming the Earth because you need to just go experience it for yourself.

Queerness, Feminism, and Anti-Racism

• A really important, beautifully written essay on being a WOC who's also adventurous and outdoorsy. I can't do it justice--read here.
• Think you can be body positive without being feminist? NOPE.
• Autostraddle covers a really lovely, sweet photo project of queers at home that also goes pretty deep into what home even means for us.
• Also from Autostraddle: 5 Tips for a Great Activist Meeting.
• Stuff Only Women Writers Hear (with input from fab black women writers too).
• I am mad at United Airlines. But I'm mostly mad at America.
• Ojibwe History from Colonization to Present. A headier read, but definitely necessary and incredibly well-done.
• Oof, I relate to this piece so hard. Family, don't read this one. I'm serious. (Title: "How My Dad's Dirty Magazines Shaped My Queer Sexuality")
• From Cosmopolitan actually, this piece on how yes, even in 2017 it is still terrifying to do basic things like hold a partner's hand is so, so important. Related, Unicorn Booty unveils the reality of how many are uncomfortable with LGBTQ+ Americans, and TBH now I'm permanently uncomfortable.
• The Joy of Being Unlikeable is something I not only wish to every radical fighting the fight that I know, but a really smart, properly emotional blog post!
• So it turns out that women are better leaders than men. I'm so...so...shocked....

For Artists and Theatre Kids

• Something I struggle with regularly--making a life in the arts manageable financially. This piece does NOT sugar coat or mince words.
• STOP. COMPLAINING. ABOUT. OVERHEAD. IF. YOU. WANT. TO. SUPPORT. THE. ARTS. (or any non-profit).
• A really good roundup of things we just shouldn't do in the arts anymore.
• A Transgender Theatre Revolution in Chicago!

On Writing

• If you love Dear Prudence, you will REALLY love this interview with Mallory Ortberg.
• Jia Tolentino vents about the gig economy and honestly I applauded when I finished.
• Life Advice from Adrienne Rich makes me swoony. So does anything Adrienne Rich.
• Sara Benincasa's Letter to a Worried Writer resurfaced recently and it's SO good.
• Kai Cheng Thom's book is a complete delight, and so is this interview over at Bitch

Just Because

• Some great tips for Impact Play in your boudoir (or wherever you like to do such things).
• The U.S. used to send prominent jazz musicians like Louis Armstrong overseas...to fight communism!
• Wanna give your friend (or yourself) a hilarious yet artsy yet affordable gift? These Badly Drawn Authors are truly outstanding.
• WHY DO I LIKE THESE BDSM DOLLHOUSES SO MUCH? Jk, I know why.
• So, the Tyranosaurus Rex was apparently a very kind lover. Who knew?
• ICYMI: Every Story About Trump Supporters from the Washington Post made the rounds a while back but is legit laugh-out-loud funny and spot on.
• True crime story about the kidnapping case Lolita was based.
• Decision-making fatigue is very real, especially where food decisions are concerned. A PCOS website I follow has more info here.
• Another "oldie but goodie": an Aidy Bryant interview where she just keeps stealing my heart.
• Well, it's come to this: a how-to for realistic Doomsday Prep.
• I just really love Christy Carlson Romano y'all and here she's all...talking queer and stuff, and my heart---aaahhh.

AND I watched all of Supergirl during a two day arthritis flare-up that left me barely able to make it to the bathroom from my couch. AND I followed that up by binging (for no good reason) Wynonna Earp while I was at it. Regardless of your taste for gun slinging badasses with cute, hella smart, femme sisters (I mean, I don't know why you're not into that if you aren't but you do you) but this song is wonderful. I've been listening non-stop ever since.

Syfy's Wynonna Earp Theme Song "Tell That Devil" performed by Jill Andrews Purchase: http://amzn.to/1UYOyCM

Multi-Passion Diaries: What a Life in Theatre Has Taught Me About Running a Tarot Business

Welcome to what will hopefully be an ongoing series here at the blog! I think effective blogging has to come from a place of sincerity and vulnerability, and in the spirit of that, this series honestly came to me one night when I was having a rough go of trying to figure out where (if anywhere) I fit in and what communities I felt rooted in. That's the true challenge, in my opinion, of being someone with multiple careers or even one career and really significant passions or hobbies outside of that. Time management for things like deadlines and getting things done has always come easily to me. I run on pure passion for the things I love to do. I can't imagine not running Gadfly. I can't imagine not occasionally performing, directing, or otherwise working on productions outside of Gadfly. I have no idea what my life would look like without tarot and I don't want to know. Then there's my writing—while I'm often able to tie that side of my life into my work in art or with the metaphysical, I have so much more as a writer to offer and my dream life looks like hilarious yet PTSD fueled memoirs and novels as well as tarot series and books and regular art reviews and syndicated columns. By all accounts, I'm making the build to that all work and finding spurts of success along the way.

As this series moves forward though, I'll send those who want to write for a guest spot some questions to write around. One of those questions is: “What is the biggest challenge that comes from running your metaphysical business while also creating something else huge in your life?” For me that answer is that this multi-passion life is actually a little bit lonely. I have my hands in several different fields, so I never feel fully connected in any. Furthermore, because of ongoing self-esteem issues I deal with as well as social anxiety, I perceive a lot of pushback when I try to dig into the social side of any of the communities at hand because I'm only there half the time. I'm not theatre enough, or witch enough, and often I don't feel queer enough even for that community which is ridiculous because I'm gay and non-binary and who knows what else. I am probably imagining this pushback, but that is the challenge for me: the networking and figuring out the social side while also being so deeply in love with the work itself. I want most of my work time to be focused on work--and as a result, I end up feeling a little isolated or not present where I should.

*Deck featured is the Night Vale Tarot

Life with your hands in multiple pots certainly has it's benefits though, and that's the meat of this series. Here's a brief list of what a life and training in theatre has taught me about running my tarot business:

How to compartmentalize. My theatre motto is and has always been “keep the drama on the stage.” If you want the show to be good, nothing else matters in rehearsal expect rehearsing, and certainly nothing else matters during a performance. While I haven't found the metaphysical community to be overly drama-laden, that core idea of compartmentalizing has allowed me to give overwhelmingly deep, emotional readings to close friends, theatre colleagues, and neighbors without a hint of concern about what happens when they leave my studio. Just like I am ONLY a director when I'm in a rehearsal room, I'm ONLY your tarot reader or spiritual guide when you come in for a reading. The second we leave, you're my friend, my friend's partner, my co-worker, and it's like the hour of intimacy between us never happened. On your end, practice makes perfect here. Take on even one client at a time that you know or are close with, and really push yourself to keep the confidentiality you promise, be open in your session with them, and then just forget the whole thing when you're done. Energy cleanses are good practice too for this.

Trust your gut. This seems like something a professional tarot reader wouldn't need to learn from a different format, but trust me, when I started Tarot by Cassandra nearly a decade ago, I would see deep, earth-shattering epiphanies in the cards, and if I wasn't sure how the person would react I didn't read them. Not only does this not make sense as a professional psychic, but it strikes a deep contrast to my theatre training which tells me to make a choice and stick to it. Over time as my dual passions each took their own shape, I had to take bigger chances and leaps of faith with Gadfly—reaching out to scary donors, pulling in playwrights I idolize to work with us, and aiming for that dream cast every time. This definitively leaked over to my tarot life, and now I read what I see, no matter how poorly I'm worried it may be received. And you know what? I can count on one hand the number of times someone has gotten upset with me or been combative in response to my frankness. Always trust your gut—even if you had to learn to in a totally different way.

How to memorize quickly! While now I'm primarily a producer and director, for years I wanted to be the next Broadway actress. Reality kind of penned me down my senior year of college, but nonetheless, years of getting off book by the assigned date has given me a special skill when it comes to learning new decks or spreads quickly. Unfortunately there's no “real life” tie-in here—just a humble brag about my memorization skills and a shout out to a plucky, eager baby me who was always off book before the due date.

Social Media Savvy is key for both my tarot business and my theatre life, but I started Gadfly first. I've always been the default marketing whiz on our team, so I was the one researching Facebook algorithms in my free time and who developed our online campaigns. When it came time to start my own business then, figuring out which social media I was using and how was a breeze. I still get the bulk of my product buys from Twitter, social networking on Instagram, and in-person readings from Facebook, and I wouldn't know what fit best where without my start in Gadfly. The real life takeaway here? Learn your social media if you're using it to market. It will save your business' life. (Not into the internet at all? Check this out for other options.)

The show must go on. I read a lot of articles about reading no matter what you've been through—break-ups, family emergencies, health stuff within reason, but it's mostly a curiosity. I can't even list a cute or fun story about when I learned that come time to perform/read tarot/get an article done, you just do it. In theatre, opening night is no joke, and it doesn't matter if someone dropped out a week ago. You fill it in, and you go. In tarot, that means even when my chronic illness is a hot mess or my PTSD is acting up, it's weirdly easy for me to get in the zone. The best way to give that serenity to other is often with a mantra right before—it takes you out of the heartache/anger/anxiety clouding your vision and preps you for the session.

Overall, life in theatre has left me with one key life lesson that comes in handy when it comes to running my tarot business, my writing career, and my personal life all in one: breathe. While it was tarot that taught me to give up on the cult of busy (more on that at a later date), it was still theatre that taught me that if literal set pieces are falling down around you, you take a step out of the way and take a breath. If your scene partner doesn't show up on time, you take a breath. That breath is solace and comfort, and it refreshes your brain so you know how to improvise and forge ahead. A show has never been ruined because someone DIDN'T take a moment to release some pent up air and clear their head. A director has never fired an entire cast because they remembered to breathe. That lesson, learned early on, has stayed with me in all areas. If a client is arguing with me or my cards are legitimately cloudy, I take a breath and then see how I feel. If an editor accepts my proposal but has issues with my actual writing piece, I take a breath and then carry on a conversation about edits. I rarely will continue a fight with someone in my personal life without deep breathes and a clear mind. So no matter what passions in your life you're balancing or thinking on remember: breathe.

Blessed be, y'all!

I Guess I'm 32 Now: A Pisces Reawakening

Birthdays are so weird for me. Most of my life I was the kid who invited the whole class to her party and only saw a handful of kids show up. This is in addition to other life circumstances hitting a head around the same time all the time and ultimately every year I end up panicking and heading into a downward spiral of low self-esteem and imposter syndrome about a week before and after the day. I'd like to tell you that I've overcome this cycle and now birthdays are fully a time of rejoicing and carousing, but I like to keep things authentic around here. What I will say is that in spite of my normal feels, I had a wonderful time getting Mexican food, drinks, and taking in some drag with a bunch of my closest friends, and that I was also genuinely touched to receive so many cards by snail mail (after friends were prompted by my queerplatonic partner, a sheer act of love on their part and so sweet of everyone to play along).

Now that I'm another year wiser (ha!) this is what I'm looking forward to manifesting and embracing this year: growth, healing and a stronger conviction to releasing my control over specific outcomes. However, as I do a buttload of reflecting (official New Age term, I promise ;) ) on entering Pisces season, being a Pisces with a Pisces Moon and a rising cancer, it's really important to me that I re-embrace the giant sea of water that I am again. I basically changed my entire life a few years ago, releasing that last bout of toxic friendships and jobs and being left with nothing to fall back on, financially or in terms of emotional support. It was hard, and at the time I thought maybe I'm being really stupid. But I did it, and I'm so glad. I've rebuilt my life, yet again, which is a Pisces trait but this time I want to do it all for real. I rebuilt a house with more walls and locks than windows or doors, and though I have loved just as freely, I have repressed nearly everything else as I paved my way to a new life. Fast forward four years and I have some of the most supportive friends and clients in the universe, and my writing and theatre and tarot practice have taken on a brilliant, magickal life of their own. Yet I so often sit in the center of this whirlpool denying the emotion it takes to do the work I do, and in denying my sensitive sea creature soul, I repress it. I don't want to do that anymore. There has to be a line between sobbing every day and entering yet another codependent relationship and keeping even those close to me outside of the walls I've built. I know there's a balance. I know there's a line. I've seen it, and I know what it looks like--and now it's time. It's time to rule with my heart and intuition, knowing that logic and brute strength are always there to fall back on, to stop trying to be tough and just be me.

I got drunk on my birthday. This would probably not be a notable event to almost anyone reading this. But because of how I behaved in front of ex-friends the last time I got drunk (and because of how they treated me after), I have only ever allowed myself a couple of cocktails (at most) in public since. This is not only notable, it is was a sign even to myself that allowing myself to be uninhibited (which of course you do not need alcohol for but for me this act was linked to a years long pattern of never letting my guard down) was long overdue. Do you know what new, amazing friends and artistic collaborators said the next day after such a brazen display of being vulnerable and very, very silly in public? That they had a great time at my party and hoped I had the best birthday ever. Not actually what I expected or had gotten used to at all. It's amazing what the right people in your life will do, and in truth, I know they've always seen me for the traumatized, hurt, overly emotional highly sensitive fish that I am. They've loved me for it all along, sometimes even begging to see it as I have insisted I am some sort of land bull or something. So this year, as my gift to myself and everyone I love, I am actually going to live as a Pisces and (gasp) even show it to people sometimes.

If you're also a Pisces babe: Happy Birthday! I love you deeply and cosmically, and everyone reading take note: this should be a time of love, whimsy, and deep healing and connection with self for ALL. The Sun in Pisces means for the next few weeks, we all learn how to swim in our deepest waters together.

Blessed be, y'all.

Hell Yes or No, Thanks: Some Musings + A Spread for Clarity

*Please note, cats are not relevant. Just adorable.

I read an obscene amount of, well, everything. Books, blogs, news, cereal boxes. I say this to say that I take in a HUGE amount of information, and yes, many of those are self-help books, business advice blogs, or all of the above directly related to the metaphysical, writing itself, or theatre. Yet for as well-read on the subject of success as I am, there are countless days that no matter how many times by how many important people I am told to do certain things (IE traditional networking, refusing to barter, or applying for every opportunity) that I just can not bring myself to do things the "right way". Maybe it's because the corporation who runs a giving foundation's ethics are far and away from what my grassroots theatre company believes in. Maybe it's because undercutting my competition AND setting prices inaccessibly feel equally icky to me. Or maybe it's because I'm rocking this three-or-more chronic illness life the best way I know how and I can not physically be "out there" as much as recommended. Or maybe it's because all of us are bombarded every day with a million choices of all sizes, and as much as we'd like to, saying yes to all of them is overwhelming at best and dangerous to ourselves at worst.

Still, even in forgoing a lot of advice, I live in a beautiful three bedroom apartment in an evolving part of a substantial mid-sized city with two spoiled cats and all the gourmet coffee I can handle. This is all paid for by my tarot and writing (and occasionally my art) even though I do not do every "right" thing and yes, actively choose to do things the "wrong" way sometimes. Everything I do at this stage of my life is incredibly intentional. I know firsthand how easy it is to just get in the habit of saying yes, and until I started really doing these gut checks we're about to talk about, I too ended up embarking on even major projects or ventures that I had no real desire to be in. I've known many people who've spent years saving up for something only to realize they didn't even want it that bad. Or who built a career and realized they hated their daily routine even if they loved their field. Or who looked at their calendar and realized they've been sleeping with someone who bores them out of their mind for eight months. (!!!)

Like anything else, there's a million different ways to address these various crossroads, and my way may not work for you at all. When I work with clients, however, and when I'm at a crux myself, I navigate all of these decisions from innocuous social life dilemmas to major life changes with two painfully simple questions. These are, in my experience, the ONLY questions most need to ask themselves when faced with basically any choice.  Before we start looking at that though, decision making usually requires getting into a good headspace first. I rarely recommend making decisions in the heat of the moment unless you are 1000% sure of the upcoming questions (though that does happen) immediately. So instead of pushing yourself to decide right then, wait until your next batch of meditation/prayer/solo time,  and take several deep, calming breaths. Clear your mind completely. If you need to light incense, pull your cat into your lap, or cover yourself in Florida Water, do that. Once calm, think about the choice or opportunity in front of you. Then ask yourself these two questions--and only these two questions.

"First of all, is this opportunity even possible?" This question is so simple but often goes unchecked. When anything comes your way and you're interested enough to consider it though, this is a necessary step. "Can I do this?" HOWEVER, it is so so crucial that we do not confuse that for either "Can I do this easily?" OR "If I rearrange my whole life including everything that's important to me, is this technically possible?" This step can and should include your emotional and spiritual reality, and shouldn't drain your savings (unless you're really, really okay with that) or uproot everything you hold sacred. Sometimes you can't say yes, as rad as it would be, and it's best to just quit here and not get ahead of yourself. Do I have whims where I think "sell all your name brand clothes and move to a shack in the desert and read tarot on a Pay What You Can basis?" Of course I do. Can I actually do that without losing the things most important to me or with everything going on with my health? Um, no. So I indulge the fantasy for a bit, and move on. Alternatively, my theatre company reached an impasse about the best way to grow last fall when the issue of securing our own venue came up. It was a big change, but with some creative restructing and a hard commitment to marketing rentals when we weren't using the space, we realized this could be done, and we're much happier now than we were two years ago.

If you get through that step and it turns out you CAN do the thing that's been suggested or offered to you, the next question is even more obvious, but we do so, so often getting bogged down in habit or people-pleasing. The next (and final) question is, of course, "Do I WANT to do this?" Clients are often shocked at how quickly they don't even need the cards to make the decision if I start by questioning their own desires or motives towards a choice. Usually when you quietly, earnestly ask yourself if you WANT to do the thing, the answer comes screaming into your gut with a pretty fierce strength. In the above examples, no, I don't actually want to give up coffee shops on every corner for that quiet (and hot) of a life. But I did desperately want a home for my theatre company to root in. I didn't realize how much I wanted that until I asked if I wanted it. That check in brought into fruition wants, needs, and determination I didn't even know I had, making it one of the most formative things I did last year.

What about the times you get stuck though? What if you know you truly, desperately need this opportunity but it really doesn't seem possible? Or what if you don't actually know what the question is--you know your business needs to evolve in some way but you aren't sure what that looks like? And of course, what if you have absolutely no actual idea if you can do or even want this? That's is, as it so often is, where the tarot comes in.

                         *Featuring the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot from Llewellyn.*

This a really simple spread that can be adjusted to be more specific. In this case, let's look at a sample question that has no bearing on my life right now, so I'm not inclined to overpersonalize things. Our sample question is: "Should I spend the money/time/energy to take this class?"

The first row is the "CAN I" row. The first card is "As it stands now, can I take this class?" The Devil is a rough one to get right out of the gate. Traditional tellings would say no, this class is a distraction or a temptation. If you read the queer/modern/non-Christian version of the Devil though, it could be a necessary indulgence. It could throw you off your immediate track temporarily, but that's likely a good thing. So the rest of this row becomes important. The middle card shows us what needs to change or move to make the thing possible. You WILL get cards that show heartbreak or negativity here, in which case across the board this is likely a no. In our sample case though, we got the King of Cups. Things actually can be moved in the direction of you taking this hypothetical class. In this case, you might need to actually speak with or reach out to someone who has taken the class who cares about and supports you, or you might need to reach out to the instructor if there are any bureaucratic issues with getting into the class. In any case, dig deep and find your own creative prowess and love of the subject--that's what's going to make the difference. The last card in this row, that Page of Cups, shows what's already working in favor of you making this choice. In this case, a base knowledge, a love of the subject, and an encouragement towards indulgence all give you something to grab on to should you move forward.

The second row is the "Do I want this?" row. Again, we start with a basic yes/or no for the first card. With the Queen of Cups there's a definite argument that you've actually wanted this for awhile, but are trying to play it cool and not get your heart set on it. The middle card shows us why you're having some blocks understanding your desires. The three of cups shows us that you might've been let down by group settings before, or that you might often deny yourself happiness or growth or camaraderie in this area of your life. The third card in this row shows us what you truly want. This is the heart of why you're considering this. It shows a desire not being nurtured. In this case, the Queen of Wands, there's a true passion for whatever subject the class is in, and a need to do something independent of your squad/partner/kids. This card is crucial because if at the end of this spread your answer is no, THIS card tells you where to go and what you need to pull into your life.

That final card on the side shows the final word on the matter. This is the make or break card, that sums up whether you should do the thing at hand. Obviously with a King of Pentacles here this non-existent class is a loud, clamorous, resounding yes--and the card has it's own reasons (Invest in yourself! Root in your community! Master a thing!) but it also takes everything else in the spread into account.

At the end of this entire process--whether you needed the spread or not, you should be left with one of two options: a hearty "hell yes" that gets your eyes big and your heart racing, or a polite but firm "no, thanks though." I live my entire life by this philosophy, and it's how I manage multiple careers that I love, a solid social life in spite of being deeply introverted and socially anxious, and a profound love of free-spiritedness and life itself. I get stuck though, and know we all do--so use the hell out of this spread (but please credit me if you write about it or repost) and feel free to let me know how any of your crossroads shake out when you do!

Blessed be, y'all!

Whelp, That Happened

On Tuesday so many of our worst fears got confirmed. Hate, anger, and fear won--for now. What I'm having the hardest time wrapping my head around spiritually is this: it shouldn't have. By which I mean Clinton won the popular vote and when you factor in third party votes or conscientious abstainers, well over half of America voted against hate. And yet our government is structured so that it won anyway. Love had numbers on it's side, and hate still won and I am still reeling from trying to place that somewhere productive in my milleu. And I know the fight isn't over. It's never over, and it's wouldn't have been over under Clinton who I enthusiastically voted for with every intention to keep her accountable on the issues I didn't agree with. The good fight has undeniably received a huge hit though, and I made a spread to follow up my pre-election post from Sunday. If it's useful to you, use it as much as you can.

This one is five cards. Deck used is this one. I started with an overarching question that many of us who have been reading about faithless electors, impeachment, and eradicating the electoral college have been thinking: is this round actually over, or is fighting worth it at this point? The Six of Earth reminds us that nothing is really over until we say it is, that there are safe places and touchstones even in the darkest times, and that fighting is always worth it. A bit vaguer of an answer that I wanted, but after reading an egregious amount of journalism, real and pseudo, over the past few days, I believe it's saying this: we should fight all the fights that are feasible to keep the Trump/Pence ticket out because it may not work this time, but it's crucial for future progressive elections and will make a huge difference in the long-term. AND we may actually see something come of it. Don't give up, have hope, and know that even if this is it, and Trump is our answer, that there are still safe places and people we can build community with now.

The next three are more straightforward and more about us and less about the election. The placements are:

1. What do we do to cope in the immediate?
2. How do we change our behavior so this doesn't happen again? (IE how do we stop contributing to white cisnormative heteropatriachy supremacy)
3. What DOES the future look like right now, and how does that affect us?

The final card in this one is "What do I need to know, no matter how things turn out?" That's the top one.

This sample reading, mostly geared towards me but potentially useful to you says this: our coping mechanism is the 10 of Air, a card of tarot specifically in this case. For me, tarot has always been my healer and my saving grace. It has gotten me through major stepping stones in each of my careers. It has aided my therapy. It has given me answers, guidance, and hope when I didn't even know or think I deserved them, and so for me this is obvious: turn to the tarot like I've always done. For you it may not be tarot--the message I have for those reading based on this is turn to whatever has always healed and soothed YOU, the thing that has gotten you through crossroad after crossroad and threshold after threshold. That thing hasn't gone anywhere. So I'm going to keep flipping cards, creating art, and writing it all down to share with you. I'm going to snuggle my queerplatonic partner and my cats even harder and more often. My coffee habit is going nowhere in the immediate. And you--you do whatever the equivalent to these things is to you.

The cards then remind me to always be fair and balanced if I want to tip the scales of progress in the future. Flying off at the mouth may not be my best bet right now. For some people it absolutely will be, remember, this was primarily a personal reading. For YOU this one is about always putting your money, your carbon footprint, your mouth where your heart is. We all need to evaluate our own part in getting to this point. No white person, no cis person, no man, no straight person, no able-bodied or healthy person is completely innocent. There is more you can do and the time to evaluate that is now.

Unfortunately with the God card here, we're in for it to be a little rough for awhile. Those coping mechanisms and our community building skills are going to be crucial. We will be struggling against white supremacy and patriarchy for awhile. It's important to remember that even if somehow this vote gets overturned, this ticket has uncorked those who have been dying to act out hatred and bigotry for Goddess knows how long. That's not going to go away overnight. Getting a different president in will not solve all of our problems. We have to keep fighting back, we have to expect change to be small at first. We have to be strong and disciplined and strategic. That last keyword is just as important as the others now.

Finally, the "what do I need to know?" card gives us a card of cows and farms and "slow but steady." Remember that there is enough to go around. Do not center your movement in greed and power grabs--that's how we got here in the first place. Donate to organizations that need it if you're able. Try to live your life as normally as possible. Trust that true change takes time but hearts are softening as we speak. Your home is still your sanctuary for now, and if it isn't, there is a sanctuary for you. Find it.

BUT WAIT--while this spread gave me a ton to plan, think about, meditate on, etc. I really needed to pull one more card, to see if there was any hope that the next 4-8 years would either not be Trump or Pence-led, and if they were if there was any way it wouldn't be terrible. And the deck gave me this:

Check out that 90's-tastic fabric on my favorite ugly chair.

Primal matriarchal, earthy energy. Fertility, success, creation. Love. Compassion. Your Divine is still here and it is listening. Make of that what you will.

Until next time, Blessed Be.

In Comes November

Unless you're here for the first time and know nothing about witches, you know by now that October is my absolute favorite month. This one was a little rougher than most, but in true October fashion it all came together and created a stunning bigger picture for the season and I am so happy with how it all came together. Here's some snapshots for the month as we move into November. I often forgot how lovely November can be too. This year I might have some fun semi-surprises going on in my personal life, and will have some events/press/etc. going on that I'll probably talk about here. Here's where October took me:

• My Tarot Practice: took a bit of a hit this month, and after a real rollercoaster year in my creative life, I struggled to find spiritual and emotional centeredness, eventually getting there by the end of the month. I've decided to shelve my push to work events for awhile (inspired in part by this post), if not forever. I was shocked when that decision resulted in a new burst of individual client work, potential writing and collaborative opportunities, and a few exact ideal events (but not an overwhelming amount) cropping up. Sometimes you have to kill something that's been stressing you or bringing you down to achieve the greatness you know you deserve, and that's a core tenant of my life, yet I am always surprised by how quick that turnaround was.
  
  My tarot highlight of the month was reading at the anniversary party for the Eye of Horus--I had such a lovely time and got to read for a store regular dressed as Rose Quartz from Steven Universe! I love my work family so much. They have been so supportive of my tarot career inside and outside of the store and I really feel I've grown as a reader and a witch in ways I never anticipated when I nervously went in for my audition gig. I'm so grateful and so happy for such a celebration of their 13th year.
• Things I Wrote: While I kept up with my steady writing gigs and am happy with the (sparse, few, but lovely) things I posted here, one of my best memories for the month (and year!) was featuring at Story Club, a local storytelling event in which I talked about one of my worst and least talked about trauma sources. The crowd was perfect and I feel such an intense relief--and an intense eagerness for more storytelling opportunities!
• Theatre Life: GADFLY KILLED IT THIS MONTH. I am beside myself. Our first mainstage show at the Gallery sold out it's entire closing weekend, and in fact oversold one night (which was stressful in its own right, but the right kind of stress). In addition to that, we welcomed long-time queer art icon company Patrick's Cabaret into the space for regular events, and got to see some of our all time favorite performers at Outspoken queer open mic's third anniversary.
• Other Things I Loved: Manny and I's queerplatonic partnership turned 13! Exciting stuff. We met right around Halloween--we didn't get to celebrate until just barely into November, but it was marvelous nonetheless. Our Samhain ritual with another friend was very special and really magick (and unexpectedly invigorating). Other fun things from the month:
  • All of my friends' Halloween costumes were so cute! Manny went as Tina Belcher, and I spent time with a Ghostbuster. Those were my faves, but everyone rocked it this year. You can see some on my personal instagram. I also do a (mostly daily) free promotional reading to help guide your day there.
  • I saw Chastity Brown in concert again, this time on her own! Her voice alone brings me to tears, and the intimacy of the space we were at made everything extra evocative.
  • I guess I live here now? A couple of my favorite nights of the month were spent with a fancy overpriced OR really crappy beer, long intense games of oversized Jenga, and some very hostile (on my end) pinball. They have them in more places than just Minneapolis, so see if one's near you if you aren't living here!
  • Walks along the Mississippi never get old, and Pokemon giving us extra candy and ghosts made that extra true. I also love just sitting by the dam and listening though, and there's usually a busker I really love right nearby.
  • I did try to go to the Luke's Diner pop-up because I am an unabashed Gilmore Girls fangirl, but the place I was at ran out of everything! I was so disappointed but consoled myself with Tiny Diner because it's also amazing.
  • Book recommendations! Even This Page Is White by Vivek Shraya left me unable to move or even blink in multiple places. One of the hands down best poetry books I have ever read in my entire life. Buy it right here. Just do it. In lighter news, Spider-Gwen took me awhile to get to. It was on my comics list, just not high priority. I'm glad I delved in though, it's pretty rad. I've also been plowing my way through 11/22/63 by Stephen King. I'm not finished, but I'm super into it. King is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me--I don't love his protagonists most of the time, and plotholes exist pretty plentifully in his world, but this one is really absorbing and a great offset to a hectic, tumultous, but ultimately good month.
  • TV & Music Recommendations: This season of How to Get Away With Murder is seriously heart attack inducing. I just want my big dumb babies to be okay. I also hopped on the Steven Universe bandwagon late in the game but I'm ridiculously here for it. I already talked to you about Chastity Brown but WOW. Her CD and EP will cut to your core. It didn't get much notice, but Rufus Wainwright has a CD of Shakespeare's sonnets set to music. It's not for everyone--but it is amazing if you're into that sort of thing.

That was my month! I hope you all had a marvelous month of spoop and celebration and witchery. Feel free to tweet at me, leave comments, etc. to tell me about your own month or chime in about my recommendations. Until next time,

Blessed Be.

Kicking Down My Own Tower

My freshman year of college was one of my worst to date, though my PTSD didn't kick in until I lived 1,500 miles away from everyone who'd traumatized me. I was doing great for a couple of years once I was in the Midwest, until one night while I was asleep, and my house was robbed. I was physically completely fine, but I remember consciously having the thought "I'm never going to be safe." That's when the floodgates opened and everything I'd experienced years prior came rushing back to me.

I talk about most of this a lot. I talk about my rapes. I talk about how sick my mom has been off and on, how poverty-stricken my childhood was intermittently. And I allude to "this really bad roommate in college" quite a bit, but it was worse than that. We'll call her Sarah. I thought Sarah and I had a soul connection, chosen family, twin flames, etc. etc. While I won't regale the entire thing now, suffice it to say she was verbally and emotionally abusive--and that wasn't the worst of it. She also broke into my email, even writing emails as me. She took out almost a dozen credit cards in my name. (They have since dropped off my credit report. Goddess bless financial advisors helping me out further.) And she made me anxious, fearful of my own spiritual power, fearful of my own voice, fearful to get too close to people. To this day my biggest show of trust is me sharing a password with you because you need onto a computer. To this day Sarah shows up in my dreams, laughing at the way my stomach drops to see her.

Over the past several years, my PTSD has taken several things from me. One of the most notable is my desire and ability to perform--I don't have any performance related trauma, but it's made my anxiety come into entirely new places, like severe stage fright that incapacitates me to the point that it doesn't seem worth it to push past it. My close friends know the highlights of this story, and I've told most of my family and people who's relationships were affected by her manipulations. But speaking of Sarah publicly, even under a fake name? Let alone telling my semi-newly found stage fright to screw off so I could tell it publicly. But Thursday night that's exactly what I did.

I've slowly been working my way up to performing regularly again. I don't have a desire to do the whole actor's life thing again. Producing, curation, and theatre direction really are my artistic passions(beyond writing that is). But I do genuinely love performing. I have friends who are glorious storytellers, and there's things that intersect writing and performing beyond that like what the Neo-Futurist's do theatrically that I would happily spend my entire life doing if I thought that was an option for me. Performing IS going to be a part of my life. It is a part of my voice as a writer and theater artist, and while I don't need to "perform" where tarot is concerned, teaching and speaking still require a comfort level with elements of performance. So I;ve been taking it slow but getting back in the saddle. In February I put together a series of short plays for a Patrick's Cabaret event about my dating life, and that was wonderful. And I told a hilarious story about getting my period at a nice restaurant with white chairs (WHO HAS WHITE CHAIRS?! SERIOUSLY) at a different storytelling show a few months ago. I've jumped up to do shorter pieces at open mics and been working steadily on having a collection to pull from.

So when I was invited to feature at Story Club in October, I had two thoughts. One was the "hell yes" that I judge every decision by. (If that's not my reaction, I don't do the thing.) Two was "oh hell what do I even talk about?" Deep down though, I knew it was time to talk about Sarah. I'm a sucker for all things horror in October, and this was a real life horror story. I also met Sarah at a Halloween event. She's on my mind a lot, every year, around this time. This year I feel different though. I've been making so many big, important changes and yet I've still been sitting here, sitting with this entire thing just swirling around inside of me. It was time to talk.

So I did. I got up in front of a pretty decent sized crowd that included two of my storytelling idols, and I tore down the tower of "not knowing how to even start processing this" by doing the thing Sarah always tried to prevent me doing: telling people about it.

I had somewhat more altruistic reasons for this too. I like to talk about things that people don't talk about a lot but a lot of people experience, (like getting your period EVERYWHERE at a dinner party), and I'm not the first person to deal with a truly toxic, abusive, sociopathic friend. We don't think about how formative friendships are, especially when we're young, but they frequently shape us as much as our family and love lives do. But we have tools for dealing with those things, we have resources, and people talk about them at least MORE than they talk about abusive friends even if it still isn't enough. I'm not a proponent of kicking everyone who's the least bit negative or problematic to the curb. I get a lot of satisfaction out of giving unconditional love, working towards true compromises, and meeting people where they are and watching them grow. But there are genuinely horrible people in this world. I lived with one and she controlled my every move for a (luckily relatively short) period of time. I hope in speaking about it, others recognize those patterns sooner, or at least know they aren't alone in having had these experiences.

Story Club was a wonderful audience and experience--some people came up to me and talked about their own trauma and toxic experiences. Little introvert me was a little overwhelmed, but it was a good overwhelm. I feel relieved to not just be carrying this story around in a pocket of my soul anymore, and I feel honored to have gotten to tell it among such distinguished company and at an event I respect so much. It reminds me why I'm so addicted to the cycle of: Tower, Death, Judgment in my life, but that that isn't always a bad thing. That cycle got me to the Midwest. It gave me success in my careers. And now it's allowing me to breathe in a subject I haven't in so long.

If you want to know more about Storytelling, come to Story Club or visit the Story Arts MN or Wordsprout websites.

Blessed be!

Embracing October

Oh wow, what a difference a month makes--as I knew it would be, September was VERY kind to me (in spite of some major health concerns over the past few weeks, but that's nothing I'm not used to). So many things leveled off and look normal now, which me at 22 would have run screaming from, but the me who's almost 32 could not be happier about. Managing chronic illness requires instituting a little more stability than my boho nature would nurture on it's own, and what a gift to be balancing what seems to be the best of both worlds finally. My magickal duty now is to nurture growth, integration, and protect what's already been gained. So much easier than so much of the "starting from scratch" the summer stuck me with, and now we're in my favorite month. October is when I met my queerplatonic partner. October is when I bonded with my current squad. October is Halloween/Samhain/my favorite temperatures/leaves falling/new shoes/the no-longer-useful dying off. October is when I breathe best, but before we fully embrace, and homage to this September, which was so gracious in it's own right.

On a walk along the river practically right beside my new place.

• My Tarot Practice finally has a studio of it's own! I adore having an in-home studio. I know a lot of readers don't love or trust working this way, but for me it really does make my life make so much more sense. I also got to read at Pagan Pride at Minnehaha Falls, which was wonderful. I'm also head over heels in love with coaching tarot newbies. I am soon rolling out a package for in person coaching sessions, but the tl;dr version will have two offerings: one that is a total coaching package, 3.5 month commitment. The other is one of sessions for those who just need to meet up once or twice to ask my opinion on a few things they're confused about, get some guided practice, or learn some new viewpoints. Both will be $50 a session and you can email me to get started now!
• Things I Wrote: Still in love with my turn at Little Red Tarot, and over at TheColu.mn I'm still rocking that arts beat. No new gigs but that should be changing before the end of the year.
• Theatre Life: Uh, I guess I open a show next weekend? It's REAL good and I'm so proud to have produced it. Also if you're Twin Cities located and looking for a spot for a poetry slam, workshop, rehearsal, or seminar, check out Gadfly's rental packages! AND I had a blast being the point person on our latest Drunk Queer History event. This series has been so wonderful for all involved so far. Gadfly also featured at OutSpoken, which was a lovely way to fully embrace the Fox Egg being ours.

Rehearsal shots from the upcoming She Kills Monsters.

• Other Things I Loved: The queerplatonic partner turned 30 which meant Nepalese food, drinks at Lush, dessert at the Lowry, and drag queen brunch (also at Lush). I got to squeeze in a LOT of other random fun, magick, and art this month too. Highlights include:
  • Asali pulled some oracle cards for me, and it was beautiful and perfect.
  • Going to Sassafras Healing Arts for regular herbal treatments is the best self-care I've introduced myself to in awhile.
  • The play The Children which is running at Pillsbury through the 16th was creepy and captivating.
  • I SAW TEGAN AND SARA LIVE FINALLY! I've been a huge fan forever, and was always broke or out of town whenever they were here. I'm still beside myself at the memories of being there.
  • I adventured to the Renaissance Fair (even if it was a final hurrah with one of my fave adventure buddies who is leaving for Atlanta) down in Shakopee.
  • AND I finally made it to the 318 Club, owned by a good friend. It was adorable and the food was delicious.
  • I know I usually stick some book recommendations here too, but my reading was either dissatisfying or warranted a bigger review. I will say that if "creepy but romantic" is your jam, Alice Hoffman's Museum of Extraordinary Things is not mind-blowing but it does hit the spot for that niche.

An oracle pull from Asali Earthwork.

That was pretty much it! September was a lot of fun side adventures in the overall theatre/tarot/wordsmith adventure that is my life--but October sees me producing a mainstage show and tends to require I buckle down in my tarot business so it was good to get roaming when I had time to. I'm so excited to watch Eye of Horus have a birthday this month, as well as see what else the universe has in store for me.

In the meantime, Blessed Be.

At Home Tarot Studio Is Open For Business!

Y'all. I am so excited. The QPP and I's last space that was just ours only had a tarot section of the living room due to space constraints, and I'm SO thrilled to have this room--I won't be able to use this extra room as a tarot studio forever, but that's a different announcement for a different time. In the immediate though, this beautiful apartment also comes with space for me to make magick, experiment with new decks and cards, and of course--read for clients and coach students. (My writing will probably still be done from my bed, if I'm being totally honest). Furthermore, my QPP is now fully qualified and taking Pay What You Can Reiki clients, and WE LEFT SO MUCH OPEN SPACE FOR ENERGY WORK which means the energy of the whole space is going to feel healing and vibrant in no time. Without further ado, LOOK AT THIS MAGICKAL ESCAPE:

Uh, we maybe haven't figured out altars yet. Don't judge us for this messy one.

Here's a close-up of the corner I journal, read, learn, teach, and read cards in--it's right by the windows so we have the great views still. That table covering is a zodiac wheel that I got while visiting my family in Ohio. I love it. It changes depending on my mood though. Sometimes it's just black, green, or purple.

AND THE BOOKS. This is only about 2/3. I just discovered a box I was really confused about way back in the end of the apartment hall I don't go in a lot, and I am very generous with loaning my books out so long as I trust the people. A dear friend is dropping off a TON of mine back to me in the next couple of days. I might even have to move my decks, so we'll see! (They probably deserve their own small shelf anyway).

That's the gist of it for now, but I haven't done any photo-heavy posts since we moved. Once I have altars and everything ready to go I'll likely do another one. In the meantime,

Blessed be!

August is Over--Praise Literally Everyone

Wow this summer was hard for me, holy crap. But you know what? Summer is always my worst season. I don't know what it is. It started in childhood, but almost every bad thing that's ever happened to me has happened in summer (ironically, except for the reasons I actually have PTSD). This was the worst one in quite a while, but it always give way to my favorite season. Autumn is always when I do my best work, plant my best seeds while pulling up from my best harvests at the same time. I know everyone loves autumn, Pagans especially, but it has always been when I get my fresh starts. And sure enough, I got mine this year. I finally found an amazing, affordable apartment for the QPP and I to continue our lives and start this next chapter and be happy and live comfortably indefinitely. The only thing on my wish list that I didn't get was "outdoor space" and we are shy one room--but there is PLENTY of space for my tarot studio in the main space if we ever need that third bedroom for something else. (Plus I have my own bathroom, my first walk-in closet, and the internet company randomly sent us a box that makes the network channels be on my TV at no extra charge?). I'm so grateful and feel like my old self again. (Which you'll note via silly cat pics and me in goofy hats while unpacking if you follow me on Snapchat.) Needless to say, hunting a place to live and then moving into absorbed most of my August, but I managed to squeeze in some work and play.

• My Tarot Practice stayed strong, and the email side of things has already seen a spike since the energy of acquiring a tarot room came into my life. I acquired a few more regulars and my time at The Eye of Horus every week is such a saving grace spiritually as well as providing such a beautiful tarot opportunity.
• Things I Wrote: Still in love with my turn at Little Red Tarot, and over at TheColu.mn I published this spotlight on a documentary some of my IRL friends were featured in. I also got comped into the premiere as a result and it was such a wonderful experience overall. Here on my own blog, I got to interview TWO queer deck creators and squeezed some other things out too.
• Theatre Life: Prep, prep, prep! Cleaning out and rearranging our gallery, rehearsals for our mainstage show, and TWO big September events coming up. Not the most exciting to blog about, but our PlayGround is buzzing with energy and love. I did get to witness two amazing mainstays of the space: OUTSpoken, a queer open mic that meets there monthly, and New Sh!t Show, Minneapolis--a place for artists of all types to try out brand new pieces. I'm so in love with the space and my co-conspirators. To find out more including how to support, head here.
• Other Things I Loved: My new neighborhood in NE Minneapolis, the view from my apartment, my new furniture--just, you know, new apartment life in general. Hitting up the Joke Joint in St. Paul (well, just outside of) with friends I don't get to see very often. Our first Squad birthday of birthday season which took us all over LynLake raising hell (with respect to neighbors of course). Getting to actually see several Fringe Festival shows thanks to generous friends and an unusually good client week right before. (And everything was so good!)

Finally I have to give a huge, huge shout out to my friends and family this summer. I was not easy to love when I couldn't find a place. I was miserable and I wanted everyone to know it and I wavered between needing non-stop attention and wanting to just hide and disappear. Not only was nearly everyone in my life wonderful that whole time, but so many people helped me move and were so happy to see our place. People rearranged their whole weekends super last minute and took me thrift shopping for furniture, gifted me furniture, gifted me money to help with all those last minute moving expenses, and of course came and did the (literal) heavy lifting to get us moved into the new space quickly. Once I settled a little (though I still have so, so much to unpack.) I realized how much love and magick I'd been gifted the whole time. It's not that I wasn't grateful in the moment, I just felt so panicked I couldn't process it. But now I never want to forget how loved I feel after this month, and to put that much love back out in the world moving forward. I know life always has its ups and downs but before I found a place I was so worried I was regressing. Now I'm so elated and really feel like I hit the restart button in all the right ways. So if you're my squad or my fam and you're reading this--thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you--I want to say it forever. I love you all (even those just reading or who just cam here for tarot or queer thoughts and insights) so much. I can't wait to see what this September brings.

Blessed Be,

Cassandra

June 2016--Halfway Through Another Rollercoaster Year

My Northeast Night Market setup. (Ignore the rope--we had to tie the tent down!)

For someone who strives for balance and serenity, the past few years have had me all over the place in terms of the earthly events and external energies I was working with. This June was particularly tumultuous, and I am ready for a break! My queerplatonic partner lost their job through no fault of their own, all while we're house hunting to no avail (which is stressful in it's own right), and my rheumatologist put me back on two of my most loathed arthritis drugs at the same time. Certainly tumultuousness does not imply all negative things though, and for that I am grateful. I have three really exciting things to report soon, but in the meantime, here are some of my other June highlights.

• Theatre Life: Gadfly Theatre Productions, my heart and soul, put up a really wonderful geeky one-act festival on the theme "Heroes and Villains." Everything we do is through a queer and feminist lens, and I was particularly proud of how envelope pushing this year's was. If you missed it and want to relive it, here's some reviews I have mixed feels about but give you a sense of what both Set A and Set B where like. And check out these super cute photos from Set B rehearsals and outtakes.

Alyssa Perau & Cayla Marie Wolpers backstage of Set B/Armando Ronconi rehearsing on stage.

• Tarot Teamwork! Northern Lights Witch and I worked two events together this month to drum up new clients and get her name out there as a reader and reconnect with some "event" clients of mine. One we worked with another reader I adore, and unfortunately the event itself kind of flopped. Northeast Night Market however was a blast--and NLW and I had a hilarious beer-fueled night attempting to hand make signs for it even though we are NOT artists. Laughter + connection are so key when doing spiritual or social justice work though, so even if our signs didn't last the night was definitely necessary. I was also thrilled to work with two soloprenuer friends of mine for a fundraiser at one of my favorite bars. Finally, in case you missed my post, I rounded out the month by organizing a Metaphysical Pride booth with many of my favorite LGBTQ+ metaphysical practicioners reading with us or selling goods. I normally only do one to two events a month, often private ones I wouldn't blog about, but this month I really felt inspired to connect with other readers and new clients, so I got my butt moving and did so! I forgot how exhausting event life is, so I'm happy to retreat back now that the June event frenzy is past, but I have no regrets about putting so much of time and energy there this month.
• Taught my Queering the Tarot workshop at Eye of Horus--I had a small but good crowd, and fall more in love with sharing my material with others every time.
• Things I Wrote: Nothing substantial to report beyond my Queering the Tarot and it's reprints, but I was pretty fond of this spotlight on a local improv group I love too, especially since I got to see them live right before I sat down and wrote it.
• Other Things I Loved:
  • My friend anniversary with some dear friends took me to Northern Spark, an all nights art festival of lights that always has a bunch of really cool movement work.
  • Lake weather! Lake shores are where I basically live, weather and mosquito infestations pending, and it took Minnesota awhile to get there, but finally I can have my water, earth and strange critter assortment all at once whenever I have a free hour or seven.
  • The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (With Cats) was my favorite thing I read this month. I can take reading really seriously but this one let me goof off and just enjoy an hour of my day. On the flip side, Harvey Pekar and Joyce Brabner's Our Cancer Year broke my heart in all the best ways.
  • Arts and crafts night afternoon with a dear friend and her teen daughters, lazy days with my cats, Pssy Ctrl, and my temporary giant king bed all made my month even better.

One of my favorite pieces at Northern Spark.

In addition to all of this hectic but amazing (and the aforementioned less amazing, uber stressful stuff) I am also dealing with a ton of emotional stuff. It's mostly good--growth, change, blah blah blah, but it's been a wild 30 days. However, it's been a really great time to test myself, whether I intended it to be that or not, so I am excited to see where we head next. Hopefully I'll be reporting a wonderful new duplex and some major growth in several of my careers, and I know I'll have some grand or silly adventures to report on. In the mean time, feel free to snag some email readings or schedule and in person session, and until then,

Blessed be, my loves!

I Did A Bunch of Scary Stuff Lately

I live with pretty severe anxiety, and on top of that while I'm not super pro self-diagnosis, I'm almost positive I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. Some of the specific things I'm afraid of include (but are definitely not limited to): queer girls who are cooler than me, speaking in front of people, talking out loud about shit I've been through, asking for things, asking for money, dealing with conflict, receiving even the most well-intentioned critical feedback, and telling people out loud that I'm setting boundaries. So it might seem weird that I've chosen not one, but three career tracks (Renaissance Soul for life!) that rely heavily on engaging audiences or clients, asking for tangible support from theoretical supporters, and speaking my truth. I've managed to carve out comfort zones within that though: asking via internet, delegation when that can't be done, and setting firm boundaries and post-scary-thing self-care modules.

March and early April were rough for me for a lot of reasons, but truth be told I've been through much harder times in my life. After taking some time for self-reflection I think what wore me out SO much was how much I pushed my own boundaries, which is a good thing, but without taking extra time and effort for self-care, which is not. After realizing this, I'm really proud of some of the things I did: I directly engaged with queer girls who are WAY cooler than me. I maintained some substantial professional relationships that in the immediate rely on me asking for prolonged favors. A project failed and I had to look my collaborators in the eye and ask why. And ultimately I ended up on stage doing a story-telling feature about getting my period all over a nice restaurant in a nearby affluent suburb.

Some of the lessons I took away from this seem so basic. "Just do the scary thing" is obviously the biggest one, and I used to be a lot better about that. At some point I had enough professional colleagues or close friends to delegate scary things too and enough successes I could achieve without digging TOO deep that I really had ended up in a very comfortable place. This is such an achievement in and of itself for someone who doesn't trust people and is afraid of both fear and success in and of themselves, and it was important for me to get to that safe place to know that I COULD get to safe places in my life. But I know more than anybody that if we sit complacent for too long, we stop succeeding. So it was also important for me to get OUT of that safe place and into scary-land again. I didn't take the impetus myself, and the universe forced my hand, but it did remind me of how much more confidently I used to approach such things. Doing the things that terrify me never crushed me quite like it did this time, even when they failed, and sometimes the lesson we're meant to be learning are not new to us.

I also learned something kind of horrible: there's no easy answer to overcoming anxiety enough to succeed. There isn't. At some point my fear of continued failure became worse than my fear of talking to people, and that's what pushed me towards the scary stuff. I think getting to that point IS the point. There is no quick fix or easy answer for something that requires prolonged therapy and possibly medication. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and feel like I fit in with hip lesbians or more successful WTFs. I'm not going to overcome my fear of criticism in a day, or by receiving positive feedback. I'm not going to conquer my all-consuming fear of failure simply by having it come true once and being okay. There aren't easy answers. Sometimes you just have to do the thing anyway. You have to reach as far inside of you as you can to summon enough strength to get through that hour, or evening, or even day. 

And know this: everyone is afraid, all the time. Nobody feels like they know what they're doing a majority of the time. Maybe that's depressing because that means dealing with fear doesn't get easier, but I choose to look at as comforting, because it means I'm not alone in my fears, ever. Yes, there are confident people, and yes, that sometimes includes me--but for me, my confidence is now coming from knowing that I am going to be okay no matter what, and knowing that the things I'm feeling are necessary for growth. It comes from knowing I am perfectly competent at the things I do, even if in the movement I'd rather disappear than do the scary thing. It comes from knowing I am loved, on the right life path, and usually have karma on my side--in other words, I do tons of spiritual work and am a good person well BEFORE I need to be confident in a moment. And, yes, as a part-Slytherin sometimes my confidence comes from knowing everyone around me is just as scared and there is no way all of our fears are justified.

And the thing I re-learned this time, with a vengeance, is that when you summon up the courage, or the energy to override ANY neuroatypical or trauma-based coding, you have to, have to, have to take care of yourself afterwards. After my story-telling feature two of my best friends took me out for a nice meal and a beer and listened to me just whine about how scary things were. It felt great. It also reminded me that after all of the other scary things I'd done in the previous three three weeks, I should've had a glass of wine, a hot tub, a good book, or even just a fucking pizza waiting for myself when I was done. Because taking care of yourself in the moment may be beyond your control, but if you nurture yourself before and after, you WILL keep doing the scary stuff, and it's not gonna drain you nearly as much.

I don't have all the answers. I'm just a queer, disabled solopreneur and artist trying to survive capitalism and help others do the same--but I think I'm starting to get a handle on keeping myself together, even when all I want to do is fall apart. I can say with certainty after this month that the scary things are worth doing--but you should definitely have a safe place to land in between.

Blessed be.

Better Late Than Never! (Happy New Moon?)

Hey all!

So I've been blogging and social media-ing ad nauseam about how hard the past few weeks have been for so many of us, and about a week and a half ago I created this spread I've really fallen in love with. I wanted to have it up for your New Moon rituals, so you'd have some insight as your slate (hopefully) wiped clean under Aries' Moon's watchful eye. Even if tonight goes SO great but you're still having some lingering icky energy, or if you were waiting to figure out the problem before you attempted to move forward, or you just want to file away for future use, this spread should help you get to the root of major runs of bad luck or gross energy.

Appropriately, I've titled this the "WHY IS EVERYTHING A MESS?!" spread.

In case you can't read my third grade handwriting, I'll break it down for you: Four cards, the second card you lay crossing the first. Their placements indicate:

1- The root of the problem, AKA "Why is Everything a Mess"
2- Other energy in the situation that you can use or pull into solving the root issue
3-The long term solution, what's needed to keep this energy or crisis at bay forever
4-The Quick Fix--what to do, think, or change to get through your days until your energy shifts and the long term solution is well underway.

Here's my example spread. As you can see, it packs quite a punch in just four short cards. The Two of Swords is the root of my problem. In this case I am afraid to break routine, afraid to break a self-imposed stalemate between where I am now, where I'm supposed to be going, and the safety of the in-between phase. In short, my fear of success is keeping me from seeing opportunities for rebirth. I am standing on the precipice of change, and rather than taking the leap, I am waiting on the precipice for as long as possible, so of course everything's messed up. This is amplified by my crossing energy, a Two of Cups promising me love, success, and a significant gift for manifestation if I allow myself to embrace it. Law of attraction is and could be quite strong for me right now, if I but see it. The Two of Cups is also about balance and love, and it is likely that I am being asked by this crossing energy to reframe some of how I think about recent events. A lot has gone wrong--but a lot of people have really, really been there for me.

My long-term fix is deeply personal but the short version is this: there is a voice I hear every time I think I am failing or about to fail. Or succeeding or about to succeed. It is the voice of someone I don't believe believes in me judging me harshly for every single misstep, and devaluing my successes. This person in my life did at one point exist and cause very really problems for me, but now the damage is purely psychological. The cards are telling me that until I work through my fear and sadness caused by this person, I will continue to hear this voice, and it will screw me over, and it is time I get serious about taking my life back and banishing this voice once and for all. I hate how accurate this was, hate how painful it was to see splayed it, but it has been crucial in my motivation moving forward in this trying time. Luckily, my "quick fix" was easy: Don't pick up battles that aren't mine to fight. Don't get into senseless arguments, and if a burden feels to heavy, drop it. I was already doing much of this for self-care purposes, so basically if I stay on the right path where this is concerned I will get through the day-to-day okay.

Remember, a New Moon is always a good opportunity to wipe your slate clean and start over, and the fire and decisiveness of Aries can often force us too. If you're someone who's last moon phase was marked by everything falling apart, know it should ease in this time--but using this aptly titled "Why Is Everything a Mess" spread to figure out WHAT to focus on fixing has helped me and several clients get to the less painful part faster, and I hope it helps you too, reader.

Blessed be.

Los Angeles, Queer Art, and the Eye of Horus

Oh gosh, friends. March 2016 will go down in my personal history as one of the best and worst months of my entire life. The things that were good were unbelievable, but the things that weren't have made me feel like crumbling and giving up on various dreams for the first time really in my life. I absolutely love everything I do, but when you are trying so hard in one area and it feels like you're getting nowhere, it is a hopeless feeling. After many tarot readings and much soul-searching, I once again know I am doing the right things in the right place in generally the right time. I know things are going to turn around, I do. In the meantime, here are the highlights of where I went when I wasn't writing this blog:

• My steady tarot gig gives me so much solace. Everyone was so happy to see me when I came back from LA, and I have some clients going through much tougher things than I that are handling it with so much grace. Sometimes my clients truly do inspire me as much as I hope to be helping them, and it's such a joy be at The Eye of Horus a few days a week.
• I road tripped to LA with two of my dearest friends to marry off one of our other dearest friends. I never did do an official travel diary in spite of feeling incredibly spiritually connected to so much of what happened, but I ate some of the best food of my life, saw some friends who are so, so special to me when I wasn't doing wedding stuff, shopped Studio City, did so much tarot on patios and reading in hot tubs, and the road trip itself brought me to tears with the beauty of the Rockies, the desert, and so much more.

Ignore my total femme fail nail situation going on here.

• My beloved theatre company curated what I honestly think were three amazing nights of all LGBTQQIAP+ entertainment, and while so much of the process didn't pan out like we hoped, the generosity of performers, the venue, and the audience that did come was unparallel to anything we've experienced thus far. Honestly, by the end of the process I could have been a million times worse off but so, so many beautiful people around me gave so much of themselves when I needed them too, and in the end we did raise some money for a space, and we did make new Gadfly fans, and we did have so much to be grateful for.
• After L.A. I planned to get reacquainted with my new living space, and get the cats used to everything. In between writing articles, planning my next artistic ventures, and everything else that went on, I did manage too. My fluffy cat is still a jerk to the dog, but the dog's learned to let it go, and they DO all sleep in the luckily King sized bed with me.
• You might hear more about this later, but the QPP and I have been in a weird headspace so we've been adventuring around the Twin Cities by checking out new spots...but also by checking out old haunts from when we were other people with other squads. It's been interesting, and we're not done yet, so I want to see where this ultimately takes us and why before I say too much else.
• Among the great new things I've tried, there is an innovative new ice cream place that I'm in love with (so not vegan, so don't even care). I know that sounds hella pretentious, and it kind of us, but it's also a total party in your mouth. I also love the rebranding and new menu at one of my old faves, and two of my dearest friends took me here for belated birthday treats (pictured below).

• I was on a few podcasts and it was really fun. Check out Magnotronic here and Broadside here! I also did KFAI's Fresh Fruit again, but I'm not sure if the recording is still up.

There really were a lot of highlights this month. In addition to my personal highlights above, a good friend of mine won an amateur drag competition I was lucky enough to see, I read a lot of really amazing books (including the new Jhumpa Lahiri, which is one of the single best books I have ever read) and graphic novels, (This one sticks with me the most.) and I'm a little late to the game, but when I really needed to hide away from the world I caught up with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, a surprisingly progressive show doing some really interesting things artistically and socially.

Please feel free to chime in promoting your own recent work or letting me know where to find cool stuff online or in Minneapolis I'd be into!

Until then, Blessed Be.

My Birthday Wishes

I didn't have candles to blow out this year (which is A-ok by me. 31 + 1 for luck seems like a fire hazard), but I still did my annual birthday reading and intention setting, of course. (I also went to Duluth, so enjoy some silly pictures interspersed to keep things interesting.) In addition to a ton of personal stuff, here is what I'm putting out in the world that I want to percolate on and manifest by the time I'm 32 (and how you can help me with one big dream!) :

• This sounds so wild and out there--but I'd really like to at least be in talks about a book deal for my Queering the Tarot concept and columns.
• A nice three-bedroom space for me and the queerplatonic partner to sprawl out in, and that can more easily accommodate for both of us manifesting adult relationships and other family dreams we have.
• More road trips and travel in general--which I'm kicking off with a trip to LA in March!
• AND speaking of space, my wonderful queer, feminist theatre company, Gadfly Theatre Productions is looking for a small found space that we can turn into a 70ish seat, adaptable space for not only our own work but other queer art and art by marginalized women to thrive. We have an IndieGoGo campaign ready to go here. We're off to a bit of a slow start but have plenty of time so I know we'll get there. Still, every little bit helps, and if we meet our push goals after the $7,000 we can start discounting rentals for other artists besides what's already in our business plan, creating a truly low-cost space to create in. I am so passionate about and excited to actually enter a phase where we can share a valuable resource AND root our own work so people know where to come for radical, patriarchy-smashing queer art.

Look, it's Duluth! One of my favorite places in this entire world. Lake Superior is so soothing and restorative, and there are very few places I would have rather been on my birthday.

Beyond these four (BIG) goals, I just want to constantly be moving forward in my life right now. Last year was a huge year for personal emotional and spiritual growth. Now I want to take that into a year of action where my dreams morph into tangible goals. The Chariot card and the word "Movement"are what I'm holding in my heart for 2016. However, two days before my 31st birthday I was reading this amazing book, and there was a David Mura quote in the beginning:

“Sometimes, you’re so busy surviving, you forget you already have.”

— David Mura

I've had a ROUGH life. I don't say that to garner any sympathy, but so people understand that every single thing I do, every facet on my life, is built on the idea of surviving. I do just enough to get by, because building and growing has never seemed like an option. What if I need to pick up and run again, after all? Well after seven years in a city I love, six years running a theatre company that is the love of my life, a metaphysical store and a ton of clients supporting my tarot business, a writing job I wake up every day excited about, and a truly supportive "squad", I'm done being ready to pack up and go at a moment's notice. I have survived, and I am here to stay and make my mark in this world. (Besides, where else would I go that has this many quality coffee shops I can walk to in any given neighborhood?) I want to move forward, not away. I want to grow taller, not apart. I want to thrive, and for the first time in my life I see that as a possibility. I'm going to become more visible, and that terrifies me...

But never publishing my writing on a large scale? Never being a name in the theatre world at large? Never trusting and fully forming the non-traditional queer-as-can-be family I've always dreamed of? Those things terrify me way more, and those things deserve for my 31st year on this Earth to be one of moving towards them. 

Blessed be (and happy birthday to me!)

January is Over!

Tongue in cheek as it was, I recently blogged about getting off to a rough start on this blog. I adore having my own personal corner of the internet, different from social media, but truth be told this was a pretty brutal month for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. Just as I was recovering from a really gross, painful PCOS issue, I got the sinus infection from hell. As soon as I recovered from that, a bunch of personal stuff hit the fan (everyone's fine...now.) I ended the month getting in a minor car wreck on the way to event, hearing that someone I used to be very, very close with passed away, and with my least favorite server at a diner I frequent just to add insult to injury. Still, a lot of GREAT things happened this month too:

~I joined the cast of Patrick's Cabaret's next show, My Horrifying Love Life. I have a dream team cast and we're doing 7 plays in 15 minutes. Our show is called "Go Home, Aphrodite, You're Drunk," and we are "equally inspired by the hyper-realism of the theatre movement started by the Neo-Futurists and the complete and utter absurdity of the gay and lesbian channel on Netflix."
~Wrote some art reviews and about tarot here, and about tarot here.
~Secured really top-notch talent for Gadfly's Three-Day Celebration of Queer Art in March.
~Was a clue in a scavenger hunt!
~And of course, read for a lot of really wonderful clients. I actually added a few new probable regulars which is always the best feeling to know you've really connected with someone.

In my theoretical downtime I've been reading tons of graphic novels (read The Woods series, it's so good!), getting the queerplatonic partner caught up on The X-Files, and seeing a lot of really great theatre and art. I also had adult dreamsicle floats, entertained an out of town friend by playing Superfight, and spent way too much money at a steampunk coffee shop. The best books I read where I am Princess X by Cherie Priest which is a YA novel that was so not what I expected and so, so very good, and Portia de Rossi's Unbearable Lightness which almost broke me.

I have a very hectic, amazing February planned. I'm moving out of my cute little hobbit hole in Uptown Minneapolis and into a lovely split level townhouse in Whittier where I am dog-sitting for four months at the very end. My birthday is the 19th. (Don't let the cusp fool you. I could not be more of a Pisces,) and I have the Patrick's show the 12th and 13th. My client hours will stay relatively the same:

Eye of Horus Monday and Wednesday evenings
By appointment or email, 2-7 usually, Thurs-Sun

Appointments outside of Eye of Horus are payment due in advance, as are email readings. As for this blog, I've got an oracle deck to review, and some surprises up my sleeve, so definitely stay tuned!

Until then, Blessed Be.

Photo by http://www.melissahessephotography.com/

12 Totally Legit Reasons My Blog is Slow To Start

Hey all! I am so excited about this website and having a tarot/personal blog to go with my business. Already I've met so many awesome people who just Googled me or whatever, and I'm so pumped to see that grow! That being said, my high hopes for tarot, business, queer, and personal posts is clearly off to a crawl. Here's my list of excuses!

1. Stomach virus! Two days off work meant one million hours of catch up.

2. My other writing gigs. I love, love, love them and clearly work better on a deadline :/

3. My super rad theatre company needed me to make some hefty leadership decisions and I'm curating a three-day festival that took a couple days to get ahead on.

4. An influx of beautiful, wonderful clients.

5. Dog-sitting has me up and down at weird hours.

6. I'm dog-sitting. They have CABLE and a JACUZZI you guys.

7. Depression. Why lie?

8. I would say writer's block but the real reason is procrastination. I have TONS of ideas.

9. Mercury Retrograde.

10. I'm truly, very upset by the U.S. GOP Presidential race. Like "need to cover up with a blanket and hide forever" upset.

11. I forgot my password.

12. Fear of success. Or failure. Or both.

SO there you have it--12 extremely legitimate reasons why I haven't blogged since Christmas, and the actually useful info that I'm back now. Let me know if there's anything you want me to cover, queer tarot witch wise or just in general. 

Blessed be, and thanks for your patience as I get used to even having this thing.

Welcome to My Tarot World!

Good Evening all--I am so excited to have this website up and running thanks to my friends at Wedge Tech. I'm not quite sure how to do a first blog without it sounding and weird and clunky or overexcited, so I'll just tell you a few things about myself and hope for the best.

In addition to being a professional tarot reader, I run a queer, feminist theatre company here in Minneapolis, MN where I live. I'm a professional writer (in spite of what this post may have you believe), and I do some storytelling and various performance art as a form of that as well. I'm a Pagan, an activist, and a coffee fiend. I have a regular gig that I love, reading a few days a week at The Eye of Horus. I live with what they call "moderate to severe" rheumatoid arthritis, severe polycystic ovarian syndrome, and post-traumatic stress disorder that usually manifests as generalized anxiety disorder. I'm mostly vegan, by which I mean I try. I'm fat and I'm fine with it. (Really! Most of the time. Nobody's perfect.) I love my cats, love to travel, and have a very close-knit group of mostly (but not exclusively) queer friends, and am queer as hell myself. I'm a pretty geeky, usually femme-presenting, and a touch bohemian in style and lifestyle. I will read almost anything you set in front of me, especially if it touches on anything else I mentioned. I'm single and don't love it, but prioritize my businesses, my health, and my framily (friends + family + those who I consider both) over stressing about it.

I bring all of this up primarily because any of it could show up on this blog, and because I love when bloggers go off brand slightly and talk about who they are and what they love, so I'm hoping you do too. This blog will mostly be about divination, Paganism, and my life as a tarot reader, writer, artist, and solopreneur, but everything else I mentioned colors my life pretty deeply and may show up.

For an intro to my tarot writing, check out thecolu.mn where I am a tarot and arts writer, and Little Red Tarot which reprints my Queering the Tarot series. That series is one of my favorite things I have ever done/am doing, and you'll see reprints here as well. I do daily readings on instagram. I have a Facebook page.

In the meantime, blessed be! Feel free to write me a comment or message about what you're looking forward to or hope to see on this blog.