mental illness

Reading for Chronic Physical Illness Vs. Mental Illness in the Tarot

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One great thing about being my patron is that pretty often I’ll ask my patrons what they want to hear me talk about. As I am very open and public about both both mentally and physically ill, one such patron requested an easy guide for telling the difference between physical and mental illness in the tarot and I thought that was a GREAT idea, so here we are!

I want to offer a huge, giant disclaimer to start with though:

I’m not a doctor, and none of this is meant to be perceived as medical advice. Furthermore, everyone’s journey with the tarot is different. The following advice comes only from MY experiences being sick and working with the tarot.

That being said, I have developed some very quick “go to” ways to see what the cards are talking about when they bring up illness or injury.

One HUGE thing I’ve done is gone through and assigned keywords that correlate to my various illnesses to the cards I think they fit the most. In my personal tarot journal, I have the Four of Cups listed as “depression” and the Five of Wands as “arthritis flareup.” I have enough cards assigned to various illnesses that if I’m asking about my day/week/month/etc. pulling those specific cards gives me a VERY solid head’s up on what to expect that day/week/month/etc. sickness wise.

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(As a side note, I STRONGLY recommend making your own tarot keyword list in addition to the one that comes with your deck, my slightly more radical approach to a keyword list, or anything else you might’ve purchased or acquired to help you learn your cards. Developing your own keyword list IS work. It requires looking at your cards individually and in spreads, and sussing them each down to 3 or 4 words or quick phrases each. It’s so, so, so worth it though. It deepens your relationship with your cards and makes your readings moving forward so much more personal. In doing this, you can ABSOLUTELY add in your own illnesses or worries for certain cards.)

If you’re starting from scratch or have a new deck and want to know where you might start looking, I GENERALLY use this guide to guide my health readings. ALWAYS trust your own knowledge and intuition over someone else’s though.

  • If a lot of WANDS show up in your reading: wands are fight and fire. When you get to know your deck you’ll see that so often the negative Wands cards indicate internal conflict and turning your anger inwards. For this reason I use Wands to denote autoimmune disorders most often.

  • PENTACLES represent Earth. They can also represent the human body itself. For this reason, in a health reading or a general reading where sickness is indicated I usually read these as a physical illness that is debilitating but not permanent. This could be the flu, or a sprain, or anything like that. Pentacles do heal and I think that’s an important difference here.

  • Both SWORDS and CUPS can indicate mental illness or trauma reactions if they show up frequently in a reading. Generally I read Swords as chronic mental illness like Depression or Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Bipolar Disorder (which I don’t have but am intimately aware of). There will be ups and downs but you can’t cure these things. You can manage them, but a flareup is still horrendous and will still happen on occasion.

  • I tend to read an overflow of CUPS as being more about the emotional side of mental illness. My Avoidant Personality Disorder can be cured. My PTSD can be cured. (I mean they won’t be until I find a new therapist, but theoretically they CAN be cured. They can CERTAINLY become more manageable in a way that chronic mental illness often can not.) I usually find these things then in the Cups which are about both emotions and healing.

  • The MAJOR ARCANA are not fun if they come up in a reading about health. On a smaller scale, they represent the health things that come with aging and are therefore inevitable. You’re going to get your mom’s bad eyesight and your dad’s weak knees and you can’t stave it off forever no matter how many carrots you eat. Unfortunately, a lot of times the Majors warn us about big, bad life-changing illnesses. If you do a reading about your health and get a ton of Majors, you might want to hit up your doctor ASAP, especially if they’re negatively aspected.

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All of the above are told from the lens of the idea that you’re doing a reading and you know that there are some health problems. This information is only meant to help you isolate the problem so you know where to start working from. If you are healthy and all of your cards in a health reading are positive, don’t sweat it! You’re probably fine! If you have been on a healing journey to manage chronic illness and you feel like things are pretty well under control and you get a bunch of cards about peace regardless of the suit, than that’s great! You’re doing great!

Another great way to check in on your health is to simply create a spread that addresses specific body parts or chronic illnesses.

If I’m worried about an arthritic winter and the emotional fallout of being isolated because it’s Minnesota in winter, than I’ll do a two card spread to see what the cards say. I take those at face value—scrap everything I said above. If I pull a 5 of Pentacles in the one about emotion than the cards ARE confirming that I’m going to feel very lost and alone this winter. You can do as many placements as you want! I’ve also done a head to toe check in using upwards of 10 cards, each representing a part of my body or piece of my health. Don’t be shy in how many cards you use, and you can always use scraps of paper placed beside the cards to remember which body parts or illnesses you were worried about.

Always trust a doctor or therapist over the cards, and always trust your actual intuition in that whole process too. The cards can offer some great insight into what’s wrong and why though. Hopefully this primer helped. Remember though that as you grow on your own journey with your own cards, you might find totally different results than me. That’s rad! Trust that.

In the meantime, happy tarot reading and blessed be y’all!

Cassandra

My Pisces Soul Is Awake Now...

Hello friends & tarot lovers,

Back in February I made a promise to myself and set an intention to get back in touch with my Pisces soul. I knew it was still in there, lurking, occasionally forcing up hiccups of emotion but never really screaming to the surface. I am always me to an extent, but too much emotion wasted on the wrong people had buried this most essential part of me and after time to heal and breathe...I missed that me. I missed feeling sensual in my sheets in the morning because it was morning and I was there. I missed feeling truly connected with friends and partners when we snuggled or held each other. I missed being able to cry, sob, and freak out when I was upset. I missed feeling truly happy, joyful, connected during late night conversations or when witnessing brilliant art. 

So I made a water altar, and I've been loyal to it. I've forced myself to start journaling a certain amount of pages every 2-3 days (and they can't be business notes). I've tried to take a deep breathe and really be IN the moment when the time calls for it. I'm a better tarot reader than I was. I'm a more emotional, clingy, weird friend and family member than I was but no one has complained (quite the opposite, in fact). I have ideas for storytelling and personal stories to pitch to various outlets. I have so many ideas for the next show I'm directing. 

And yet...I wasn't prepared for the feelings of overwhelm and sadness that come with bad situations. My empathy guard falling has made me a better friend but I am kind of a mess some days. I know it's time now to strive for balance. What originally made me feel good and inspired and like ME again has made me have several days over the past few weeks of unfocused, scattered energy, irritability, and deep feelings of loss even when no real loss has occurred. Pisces me is here and restored and feelin' stuff. But I have to be able to work and function. 

I didn't take neuroatypicality into account when I set my intention. I didn't expect my Pisces soul floating to the surface to inspire my PTSD and anxiety to have their way with me. This was a magickal error on my part, having missed something I tell clients all the time: make your intentions crystal clear with no room for error. I like being sad, crying, and overanalyzing what went wrong in real time when something is wrong. I don't like a normal day completely knocking me off my feet. I don't like the outrage I felt at a slightly frustrating day yesterday. I don't like feeling completely isolated because the people I love aren't available right at the very moment I thought company might be nice, but I do so love my renewed and deepened love of those relationships.

As usual when at a loss, I turned to the tarot for guidance and answers:

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The Slow Holler Tarot essentially confirms everything I just said, but like I tell clients: if this is not new information, it allows you to focus and cut out anything not mentioned here. So if I take the card's advice on enacting my vision more clearly, the problems with empathy and isolation will fall away on their own. My whole spread promises water stuff is good, heart stuff is great. I should be loving and celebrating and rejoicing in my rediscovered Pisces energy. The dissenting card is this Visionary of Knives--a stark and necessry reminder that I am all of the things a Pisces is...but I am also grounded, ambitious, and rooted by a deep need to create something big and bold for my community. Finding balance is about remembering my goals and placing them on the same pedestal as I do my heart and its needs. I love this top row. It is affirming it and just seeing it helps me blend the things I'm going through into something viable. This deck can be verbose and challenging when that is what I need. It can also be succint and affirming when all I need is permission.

It is the outgoing message though that surprised me and that I write all of this to deliver to you: Growth is slow, and takes time. It might hurt in the meantime. It will probably cause a hundred different areas of your life to throb and glow at once. This time will pass, and it will have been worth it. Keep growing.

Blessed be y'all!

 

Cat Pee, Car Trouble & Looking Ahead

                                One of my many beautiful walks along the river from May

                                One of my many beautiful walks along the river from May

Last week my roommate came home and I was sobbing uncontrollably, absolutely distraught. I felt totally helpless and like all of the work I put into my career, my home, my relationships was completely worthless. Why?

Because I came home and my cat had clearly peed in the front hallway, making my whole large-but-still-an-apartment-sized-apartment reek of cat pee. In truth, that was obviously not the real reason. I woke up in a bad mood because of PTSD-fueled nightmares all night. I was exhausted and stressed out. Money was hemorrhaging due to car trouble much quicker than it was coming in and it'd been a whole day of dealing with said car trouble instead of being productive. And...the cat pee caused my already poverty-trauma laden brain to flash back to growing up with a million animals with no one disciplined enough to properly care for them around, and certainly no one with enough means to care for them coming by. I have spent my entire life scratching and crawling my way away from that life, and to have a day where money was leaking everywhere coupled with that familiar smell, I lost it, completely. Then I lost two more days because of PTSD--some related to my upbringing, some related to the sexual assault reminders coming in while I was trying to sleep. 

My Virgo roommate (who also did not have a lot of pets growing up) handled my hysterical breakdown as well as anyone could have, and came up with solutions like strategically placing cat food, toys, and treats where they like to pee so they won't anymore. Knock on wood, it's worked for almost a whole week! So I went into writing this post feeling like May was a wash--but really I've accomplished a lot, had a lot of shenanigans, and am very happy about all of the great things coming up this June. The biggest takeaway from this experience though is how everyone in my life treated me. My Eye of Horus fam totally left me alone in between clients because what I needed was rest and quiet. My roommate/queerplatonic partner came up with solutions and was totally understanding about the reasons for the breakdown. My best friend talked me off a cliff about my professional concerns. It was a reminder of what I'm building outside of my professional life: a community, a home, a nest of love & safety. The things that make life worth living when the sun goes down are all here even when I'm freaking out over cat pee. And that feels pretty damn good.

My end of May wrap-up then, actually looks pretty good and gives me (and you!) even more to get excited about! So let's jump in:

Tarot Stuffs!

  • I have not one, but THREE classes lined up for August and September at various venues. Info is incoming about those but if you like sex & love queers you're going to be elated to find out what I have up my sleeve.
  • I received a review copy of this beautiful deck. Review still pending but this deck is beautiful. I am so attached to it already. 
  • I am actually on in-person tarot reading hiatus except for Eye of Horus shifts and e-mail readings until June 12th because of overload, spoons, and practicality. But you can sign up for the latter half of the month now, snag an e-mail reading or visit me at the store anytime.

Things I Wrote

  • Queering the Tarot updates are here and here. I love how much this series has taken off and become such a core function of both my tarot business and my writing. I want to write it forever, but, of course, I will run out of cards eventually. In the meantime, book mark one of the two sites to see updates!
  • I started a pretty happening queer arts calendar at The Column, so if you live in or near the Twin Cities, I'm so happy to report that there's this easy go-to for you to find radical entertainment.
  • I'm back on Siobhan's Mirror slinging Tarot 'Scopes this month!
  • My friend Sarah McPeck put together a wonderful storytelling show to benefit Clare Housing and I told my always raucous story of getting a really aggressive period at a really fancy dinner party. That story might be told at a much bigger outlet pretty soon, so I am very excited for that.

Theatre Life

  • Eek! Opening THIS weekend are some plays I wrote. I, unfortunately, can not make it to the shows because I'm scheduled for reader shifts and I need them, but I am very happy with my pieces and so sad to be missing the show for the first time in quite awhile.
  • Gadfly has this queer, feminist, geeky one-act fest opening NEXT WEEK. Ahhh! I'm so pumped--my show has a talking penguin and a non-binary knight and the beautiful princess gets to eat the whole time. The whole festival is something I'm really proud of though. Our shows, casts, directors are absolutely stunning. 
                   My really great cast for Sky's The Limit as part of our one-act festival.

                   My really great cast for Sky's The Limit as part of our one-act festival.

 

  • The Big Queer Garage Sale was a hit! It was a little slow on all days, but we made some decent money anyway AND got rid of a bunch of super space-consuming stuff. Plus some of my favorite people walked away with fairy wings and mysterious capes!

Recommendations

  • I can not recommend Hasan Minhaj's comedy special on Netflix enough. It is, as many have said, storytelling at it's finest. I also laughed harder than I have in a long, long time. As a bonus, here's Minhaj talking more about politics, married life, and other stuff.
  • I read A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman and cried inconsolably for like an hour and a half. I also loved Animals Strike Curious Poses, a book of essays by Elena Passarello about animals we (humans) have immortalized.

Other Shenanigans

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  • My homegirl took me out for diner food after my storytelling gig, and me, her, and my QPP ended up just sitting in her car and laughing over nothing for a couple of hours. That simple night really helped me get back on my feet after a rough week. A true sign of solid friendships is that while we still kill it as drag show and burlesque audiences and get a little too wild on the dance floor, a Saturday night at a diner and an hour of laughs in a car are every bit as restorative as "losing control."
  • Are you aware of Lotus candles? They do not work, but they are fun. Actually let me rephrase: they work fine. They do not stop working until your queerplatonic partner peels off every petal, rips off the top and crushes the music box that has been running an instrumental "Happy Birthday" for literal hours. 
  • Finally, the Bisexual Organizing Project put together a show called Bi-lesque: Gender Anarchy earlier this month and it was the queerest, sexiest, most fun show I have seen in ages. I'm not sure if there's anything like it coming down the hatch, but you can follow BOP on Twitter to find out. 

I'm going to end this entry on two PSAs today:
1) I went to an ENT specialist last week, and it turns out the ENT will make you snort numbing spray and then shove a camera up your nose and down your throat. It is not fun, and I was completely unaware of this procedure until I got there. I just want to save you the same shock and, also, complain a little. 
2) Sometimes your bank gets shut down from the FDIC super suddenly so you have to take a day to visit 10 different banks and drink all the complimentary coffee, and anyway, if you have a decent credit score, credit unions are the way to go for free coffee and better banking. Technically there is still a bank where my money from my old bank sits (for now). It is forty minutes away in a suburb with no public transit there, so...

Anyway, that's it for me! Coming up in June:

  • Northern Lights Witch is going to take over my Multi-Passion Diary for the month, 
  • You'll hear more about my upcoming tarot classes, and...
  • There will be even more Queering the Tarot's in the world!
  • Plus, you know, this totally small, not at all time-consuming one-act festival I'm producing.

Blessed be y'all! 

Tarot for Healing: An E-Book by ME!

Hello all!

I am involved in a really wonderful, beautiful project to benefit a crucial and timely organization. For it, I wrote a mini e-book (about 8 pages) about Tarot for Healing. It's three spreads, plus some pretty significant backstory about how I came to tarot. I'm really happy with it, and while I wait for the big project to unveil decided to make it available for $10--and because my heart really was in a giving place when I wrote it, 25% of all funds received ($2.50 per e-book) is going to be donated to Standing Rock.

*Deck featured is the Tangled Roots Oracle by Leora Effinger-Weintraub.

*Deck featured is the Tangled Roots Oracle by Leora Effinger-Weintraub.

How to Know if This is the E-Book for You
I did write this publication with individual trauma and grief in mind, but my life dealing with chronic illness filtered in too. If you have experience or concerns in any of those areas, OR if you have clients, friends, or partners you're always trying to better your readings for, this is definitely, definitely for you. It's also a great book for beginner and intermediate tarot readers looking for some different spreads and thoughts about what tarot can do.

Included in this Mini (but mighty) E-Book

  • My own backstory about tarot, trauma, and coming out of the closet and how they all correlate.
  • A spread for when you're still in the thick of a bad situation
  • A spread for processing grief, trauma, and even physical setbacks
  • A spread for when YOU are doing alright, but you're fave loved one? Not so much
  • Full color photos and sample readings of each spread

The Catch?
No catch! I will likely take sales of this product down once the major project launches, so you are on a bit of a vague but very real time crunch. Otherwise you'll get a (hopefully) lovely product by me and know that part of the money goes to support the water protectors at Standing Rock.

My technology is in a bit of a weird place, so we're going to use a streamlined by very old-school style of internet sales. To order this Tarot for Healing Mini E-book:

  • Send an email to snow.cassandra@gmail.com with the subject line "Tarot for Healing Order".
    • The body of the email should include your name, pronouns, and whether I have your permission to add you to my email newsletter or not.
    • The body of the email should also include how you plan to pay: PayPal, Venmo, and Square are your options. If you live in driving distance of NE Minneapolis, you may swing by my apartment building with cash during the weekday (except Tuesday) but that's not preferred. At all.
  • Once I send you my payment details via your preferred method, send your payment. You will receive your copy of the e-book within mere hours! (Give me a full day in case I'm slammed, but otherwise I can hit "attach" and "send" rather quickly.)
  • That's it! Enjoy! If you fall super in love with it and want to send a testimonial or review, please do. Otherwise, I leave you to the book's treasures.

Blessed be, y'all!

Mental Health as a Solopreneur

Hello all! As someone who lives with PTSD that largely manifests as anxiety, I've fallen head over heels in love with this series, running on one of my very favorite blogs in the world. It's about rocking that solopreneur life while dealing with chronic or mental illness, and it is fabulous. Check out the articles so far here, and here!

Oh, and my latest queering hit on thecolu.mn, so pop on over!

Higher quality blogging coming soon, I swear!