Reclaiming Hestia: For queerdos and weirdos everywhere who still crave home

                            Please ignore my very messy mess on my Hestia altar.

I grew up in a pretty unstable home, and for a long time that seemed to have had polar effects on my sister and I. She wanted to become a wife and mother as quickly as possible. Me? I moved 1,500 miles away and just accepted that in this economy you moved every year. I prefer saving for travel to recarpeting my floors. Queerness, I am sure, played a part of this ambivalence about having a steadfast home too. Every happy family on TV was a mom, dad, some kids they'd had since those kids were babies. None of them looked like me, and I knew family sit-com life would not be mine. This is nothing I was bitter about, but it also meant I had no reason to aspire to those things. I didn't have an aversion, per se, to home, it just didn't resonate. I didn't care.

That is, of course, until I did. My queerplatonic partner and I have been us for weeellll over a decade. Somehow in between all of our romantic break ups with respective partners, toxic roommates coming and going (plus some good ones), and all kinds of art happening within our walls we became family. This was a healing and affirming and beautiful realization but suddenly home meant something. Family wasn't some far off thing I would start building once I found the woman or non-binary person of my dreams, it was something I was already building. It was something I had probably always had.

Then just as this became important to me, we were homeless for a summer. Now, we were staying with very good friends and things could have been a lot worse, and for that, and for them, I am eternally grateful. As I was putting together and practicing some pretty intense witchcraft, desperate for a place to call my own though, it felt different than it ever had before. I didn't just want a space big enough to see clients. I wanted a space where my queerplatonic partner and I (and our family that is right now just cats but won't always be) could stretch out and grow. We want romantic partners. We want foster kids. I really want a rabbit. This latter fact is maybe a point of mild contention. I didn't want a space to sleep at night and keep my stuff. I wanted a home. Once I realized that, everything felt different, including the things in my spiritual practice. Suddenly not only was I, former Queen Vagabond, looking for a home, but I was finding my solace in Hestia.

When I first started studying and learning witchery, I was very attracted to the Greek pantheon, probably because it was the only one I really knew. I hadn't looked at it or touched it in years though, with the exception of Hecate who has remained the primary source of my prayers and devotion. Even when I was working with very Greek energy though, Hestia never hit my soul. Probably for the reasons outlined above: home didn't mean a lot for me, so why would a Goddess charged with keeping homes happy and prosperous and home-oriented? Yet when my life was falling apart just as I realized how important my family having a home was, Hestia came to me. Nothing explicit or overwhelming, and sometimes it was a Celtic or Welsh version of her. Yet there she was, with all her hearth-loving glory, listening to my prayers and flickering in my candlelight, promising that she would find us a home, a very queer one, for our very queer family.

My story ends happily, with my queerplatonic partner and I in a very wonderful three bedroom with two bathrooms and plenty of space. Hestia has her own altar here. She not only keeps us organized and grateful, but she ensures that she's keeping this space as weird and queer and artsy as we need it to be. For us this means:

• On her altar, I light two candles. One for general blessings and prosperity, and one for weirdness and queerness and magick. That one may or may not have Wednesday Addams on it.

• Doing regular love spells to bring us each queer lovers and eventual romantic partners.

• Cooking with intention; what will make us feel good and taste good?

• Being very intentional about who we let into the space. My boundaries have been violated in my own home more times than I'd ever have time to recount. We want to be kind, and generous, and wonderful to people who deserve it. The best way to do that is not to let those don't in.

• We keep it much, much cleaner than we used to. Some of this is because of the way my OCD and anxiety have manifested later in life, but I also do think it honors the construct of home a lot better to respect the space.

                                      My very happy familiars in my very happy home.

If YOU want to reclaim or honor Hestia (or any!) gods of the home, you don't have to think big. The bulk of my spiritual practice revolves around ancestral, environmentally inspired, or spirit work. My primary Goddess is still Hecate. I work with various entities and with specific spells. A home diety practice should be simple, albeit mostly daily. Here's how to get started.

• Build a small altar with a plant, an incense that smells homey to you, and a candle. Small tokens like charms of houses, hearths, hearts, etc. should be added. If you aren't good with plants, get a succulent or a small terrarium instead.

• Add to the altar anything that specifically speaks to whatever you want said Goddess or God to nurture in the space. For example, we keep some things meant to inspire and bring in romantic love and sex for each of us, some charms that symbolize friendship, and some things that represent spirits of our loved ones that have passed. We keep lots of artsy and witchy things too, such as a charm with drama masks and a pen to represent writing opportunities. I keep a small charm of a car to represent my free spirit and traveling soul. Being full of wanderlust and having a safe, warm home base to come back to are not mutually exclusive.

• Keep your windows free from things that block your view outside. (By which I mean remove stacks of books or furniture blocking the window. You can obviously have curtains.)

• Keep your house as clean as you need it to be to feel homey and cozy. Everyone's tolerance for this is different but if your kitchen stresses you out, it's time to start cleaning it often enough that it doesn't get to that point.

• Prep or cook food sometimes! Even if you're like me and the cost analysis for a single pringle such as yourself says it's actually cheaper to eat a Hot Pocket and a cup of yogurt for lunch or even run across the street for a $3 sandwich, the kitchen is very important to most gods of home. You don't have to be a master chef, but taking a few meals a week to put care into what you're eating makes a huge difference where both self and spiritual care are concerned. The idea of family meals at home, even for queerlings like us, is also really important.

• Final addition/starting point for your home diety worship? Something to represent “keep us queer, keep us weird.” We have the aforementioned Wednesday Addams candle and a whole host of other bizarre goodies we keep on or near our workspace for Hestia.

This post won't resonate with everyone. Had I read it five years ago, it wouldn't have resonated with me. In five more years, it may not again, but this is where I am today: staring in the face of the Goddess of Hearth and Home who is trying to help me, love me, and keep me safe, and deciding to reclaim her.

Blessed be y'all.

Tangled Roots Oracle Gets AMAZING Update

Hello all! This post is so long overdue, and I'm happy to finally be sitting down and writing it. Some of you may remember back in April, I reviewed the first run of a friend's deck, and while I overall loved it (and it's the only Oracle deck I use regularly), I had some issues with one card--the Commitment card. To recap, the deck we're discussing is an incredible independent Oracle deck by Leora Effinger-Weintraub, called the Tangled Roots Oracle. The deck was created in the spirit of Leora's own spiritual tradition--the ecstatic tradition of the Upper Mississippi River Reclaiming community in Minnesota, USA., and while my own practice is incredibly eclectic, I responded very deeply to the deck's Earth based roots that still leave room for the very human experience of well, being human.

However, the original commitment card in the Tangled Oracle gave me cause for pause. While I myself am monogamous (mostly) and future-family minded, the rad queer in me had a lot of trouble accepting two wedding rings as a sign of commitment. I felt, and still feel, that that can be isolating for a lot of poly people, LGBTQ+ people, and even just Pagans who prefer handfasting or unique tradition to gold rings so often assumed to belong in heterosexual wedding scenarios, and in a deck so rooted in paganism and universality I felt it was particularly jarring.

Well, after hearing this feedback and taking some time to think about their own life and commitments, Leora updated their already spectacular Oracle deck, and this is the updated Commitment card:

When Leora's spouse handed me my copy of the updated card, something moved in me, very similar to the feeling most of the cards in this deck give me when I pull them, and I was thrilled when Leora had this to say about the update online: "The "Three Sisters" companion planting of corn, bean, and squash shows how multiple beings can grow together, supporting and nourishing each other. I honor all relationships: friendships, couples, open relationships, committed polyamory.... All the ways our commitment supports each other."

See, if you get readings from me, I am very likely to use gardening metaphors. Planting, harvesting, waiting, weeding, these are all crucial elements of most things in life, and this metaphor for all types of relationships struck the exact right chord. Furthermore, this card's very re-creation in this manner displays the themes at play in the card itself. In my critique, for example, I honored my commitment to honesty in relationships, and my commitment to my relationships as a result. In being so honest in my feedback, I displayed my commitment to better, more honest, more personal divination, as well as to Leora as a creator and friend who I knew could come up with something brilliant in lieu of the traditional wedding rings. In considering my feedback so heavily and creating such a card, Leora showed a commitment to their deck, our friendship, and their current art fans to keep pushing and creating things that represented the communities they're a part of. They showed a commitment to the Pagan community, the queer community, and the world at large to think outside the box.

With this update, this deck is a solid 10/10 for even skeptical Oracle deck users. The way the cards work together represent the Three Sisters plants growing in and of themself, and more than that, so many people are still living in the dark, terrified after last Tuesday. What better time to show your commitment to your friends, family, community--what better time to acknowledge that commitment isn't a one time gesture of generosity, but a lifetime of following that initial planting with maintenance and with cycles of death and rebirth and trust that no matter what happens, the things we've planted will grow again. This is a post I should've written a couple of months ago--but with everything that's happened recently, there is likely no better time to praise and honor the commitments my friends and I have made to each other. This card is breathtaking, and I hope everyone reading takes time to think about all the "Three Sisters" relationships in their life and how to use this card's lessons to honor and nurture them moving forward.

Again, you can check out Leora's deck here and grab your own. Thank you so much to the Effinger-Weintraub's and their commitment to our artsy, nerdy, Pagan friendship, and to Leora for creating such a beautiful deck.

Until next time, dear readers, Blessed be.

Light, Dark, and Discarded Pieces of Myself

For many pagans, this Thursday marks Mabon, a holiday to celebrate the changing seasons and welcome the second harvest. On this day, also called the Autumn Equinox, day and night are the same amount of time, so for many of us it's a chance to celebrate the necessity of both light and dark, and the joy that the balance of both brings.

This Mabon, I was struggling to figure out what my meditation and ritual should be. My usual celebrations just didn't feel right, and I have had the most confusing few weeks. Finally on a walk along the river, as I admired the leaves starting to turn, I cried out to my gods to cut through my scattered, sad thoughts, and slowly as I meandered it started coming to me. You see, for as long as I can remember, I've almost completely reinvented myself every few years. Often this was out of necessity--when you see the good in everyone, you often overlook the bad so I got my heart trampled on a lot. I've been taken advantage of a lot. And every time I got fed up, I just started over. New friend group, new clothing style, hair chopped off, big steps forward in my career. There were even a few dramatic location changes somewhere in there. In some areas of my life this has served me incredibly well. My multiple careers are streamlined enough to keep me motivated but relatively stable, and I am beyond in love with Minneapolis, my apartment, my cats, my blue and purple hair. Embracing the new--the new day, the new sun, the new light, has always created a multitude of blessings for me.

But with each new version of me, I killed off old parts of myself that I know I was meant to retain, each time losing another piece of my soul and my power until finally, I went through my current evolution--the one where my anxiety went through the roof and I didn't actually evolve so much as got really scared and meek. Of everything. Obviously none of that is working for me, at all and emotionally it has all been hitting a head I didn't understand. I have spent the last few weeks feeling so lost. I have a beautiful apartment, and so many other blessings and I thought when this many things would click into place I'd feel better. Less scared, less sad, less meek. Instead I've spent the last few weeks crying at the drop of a hat and staring off into space, completely unmotivated.

Then a college friend came to see me, and as we regaled my (amazing, not going anywhere) friends with stories of second college me, I felt completely overwhelmed and yet better than I have in months. It felt like I'd been wearing some costume that didn't quite fit and this college friend I haven't even seen in forever somehow made me see how silly I looked without even knowing what she was doing. While I was still reeling from this, I ran into an old rival from a couple of life cycles ago. She has moved on and is stable and content in her life, and was thrilled to see me. Catching up was surprisingly nice even as my stomach filled with butterflies for reasons I didn't understand. I eventually realized that I thought I'd been living in fear of running into her or other people from this phase, but really I've been afraid of running into the version of myself I was then. But I realized during our jovial conversation that this rival wasn't all bad then, and neither was I.

The old, the abandoned, the dark--these are the parts of myself I've kept hidden from all but a few. These are the parts I've kept hidden from myself in spite of glaring evidence that my sass, my cunning, my strength were needed. This Mabon I want to dance in my own darkness and feel it around me. I want to wear it like a shroud and when day breaks I want to keep wearing it still as the sun beats down on my face assuring me that these old versions of me aren't only harmless, but good for me. This Mabon, I want to return from the grey I've been living in and trying to convince myself that this is what light feels like. This Mabon, I want to renegotiate my concepts of light and dark entirely. This Mabon, I want my first spiritual connections to be with the versions of myself I killed off. I want them to know I'm sorry. I want them to come back. And I want the me that willed this apartment, my tarot business, my writing career into being, that fights for my theatre company's success every day, that keeps loving new friends and partners even when it's the scariest thing in the world, to know one thing: she's not going anywhere either.

Literary Magic: Two Must-Reads to Snag ASAP

Originally this was going to be two separate posts. I read a lot and I always do a book recommendation or two from the month in my End of Month wrap-up, but occasionally a book stands out so far above and beyond--AND fits right into what I want to do with my tarot practice and this blog that they deserve their own time. Each of these definitively deserve their own time, but between moving and maintaining everything I just don't have the time each deserves.

Nonetheless, I wanted to say SOMETHING about them and push, push, push you to go buy them as soon as humanly possible. The first will be of interest to ANYONE who found their way here via my Queering the Tarot series or by cross searching "queer" and "tarot".

Jailbreaking the Goddess takes critiques every progressive person has about the traditional Maiden, Mother, Crone Goddess path (ugh, virginity! ugh, wombs!) and offers a much-needed alternative. Larissa Firefox Allen's FIVE-FOLD Goddess path gets us away from woman = body and creates a nuanced, full look at Goddess energy and how it potentially applies to our work with this new understanding. Not only is this line of magick much more welcoming to trans Goddess worshippers, but the additional faces of the Goddess offer a whole new world of opportunity and understanding in our spiritual practice.

Firefox Allen also pulls no punches when discussing appropriation and colonization of spirituality. While those of us who have been doing feminist and anti-racist work for awhile may find a few chapters a little "Radicalism 101", for many picking up this book they are a necessity. For the rest of us--well, having some pages we can merely skim makes it all the easier to process our new understanding of our own dieties. My personal favorite part of the book's unique (and so easy to follow!) structure was the sections highlighting examples of dieties--AND REAL HUMANS--who exhibit the characteristics of the Goddess aspect being discussed. My only real critique of Jailbreaking the Goddess is that the journal prompts are almost too frequent. You may pick it up and decide I'm wrong, but since I tend to highlight, take notes, etc. when reading anyway, an additional prompt after basic material introductions threw me off. I complied in the beginning but by the third face, I just read several sections at a time and then journaled my reactions to the questions that came up either in prompts or other thoughts I had. Even with that distraction, this book significantly deepened my relationship with the Divine, helped me heal emotionally in a lot of places, and completely altered how I think about spiritual energy for the better. And even for someone who wears their queerness, their feminism, their radicalism like a second skin, it definitely opened my eyes to new ways to practice my faith in a more conscientious, decolonized way.

This next one may come as a surprise to some of my readers. I am incredibly skeptical about books bordering on self-help, even when disguised as business or finance books, and I keep my relationship with money pretty separate from everything else I do. However, a few people I really respect on the metaphysical blogosphere were pretty excited about it, so I went ahead and ordered Bari Tessler's The Art of Money. Three pages in, I had to put it down because I was crying. Hysterically. This book is about so much more than money, best practices, and spiritual entrepreneurship. It is part self-help but it actually helps. The first third of Tessler's program focuses on healing your emotional relationship with money, and before you roll your eyes, just check out the book. This section of the book literally changed my life. Tessler has us delve into money memories, and it has completely altered my perception of what is and isn't possible in my life in all the best ways. It has also made me more fearless in my business practices. It is intense emotional therapy, and everyone I've had read it had a similar reaction. Yet just when you think you're totally overwhelmed and aren't sure what your next move should be, Tessler introduces you to some incredibly practical measures that changed my life in a much more mundane but prosperous way. I was shocked when I did my first accounting session with myself; first by how much I was making, then by how much I was spending. One of the money stories that was wrong that I have told myself was "you don't have money"--over and over since childhood. Which made me unaccountable as an adult solo entrepreneur to anyone but my landlord (who I always managed to pull it together for). I'm certainly not dining with the Kardashians anytime soon, but getting my spending in a couple of areas under control is JUST as important to me right now as bringing more in after actually seeing the numbers. (Actually, post-move that's not really true, but in general it absolutely is.)

Tessler also takes care to stress that there are very real societal issues that may prevent you from fully reaching your financial potential, and admits she doesn't have solutions for that--instead the practical tips she does offer and her insistence on values-based bookkeeping will help almost anyone, and certainly anyone who does have steady income. Tessler also stresses that this one book is not the permanent solution. You have to keep healing your relationship with money, and you have to keep letting that relationship evolve and begin to affect your other habits. It may take re-reads and years of consistent journaling, but it beyond a doubt turned my relationship with money completely upside down even on this first go-round.

This is an admittedly abrupt end to this blog, but that's what I've got today! Now go, get all well-read and stuff. Until next time,

Blessed Be.

Basic Witchery for When Life Is SO Bad (or Busy) You Just Can't

I am beyond stressed right now. Beyond. I need an apartment confirmed last week and I am still searching. I have spent so much money on housing applications that I'm questioning how necessary eating is (very important, don't follow my path on this). I am exhausted. I run a theatre company, I write actually professionally, and I run a tarot business. On top of that I am chronically ill, and now I am spending hours a week house hunting.

Suffice it to say, my daily spiritual care has taken a bit of a backseat. BUT never fear, I'm here to talk about the things I DO remember to do every day (and you can too!) to stay as grounded, focused, and feeling like my witchy, whimsical, overly ambitious self.

• Carry your stones around. It sounds obvious, but I leave them on my altar most of the time...but I don't really have an altar right now, so they are in a box and my favorites/the most necessary ones get pocketed every day. I have a peacock ore I got in LA that I feel almost paternal towards, and a small jet palm stone. Both of those help me find and center myself when the anxiety seems overwhelming. And when that doesn't work, tourmilated quartz specifically works to turn overwhelm to joy, and unakite is sometimes thought to pull negativity right out of you. Those are MY favorites for trying or hectic times, but you may have some of your own. Find some time to sit with them in your hands, or just give them a QUICK charge of your energy in the morning.
• Essential oil! (or oil mixes) A lot of them can not be applied directly onto your skin without some problems, so ask your friendly metaphysical store clerk before assuming. Once you have one that is, keep a small vial near you for whatever purposes you need. I like Dragon's Blood for urgency, and have some Rosemary and Peppermint I mixed myself to cry out to Hestia right now. I also have prosperity and protection mixes that I like. I bring this up, because a lot of times we get them for aromatherapy diffusers or to dress candles or do other extensive work with, but if you have a skin-safe oil, you can just slap it on your pulse points and under your nose, say a (QUICK!) incantation, and be on your way.
• Incantations: for focus, for calm, and for anything else you need in the moment. My meditative practice is really more of a theory right now, but I still take a few seconds every few hours to fondle my amethyst and moonstone pendants, and restate my intentions for the day. It takes maybe 10 minutes total throughout the whole day.
• Light a candle while you're doing other stuff. Enough said. Sprinkle herbs on your windowsill. Pet an animal. Get your feet in the dirt or natural water for even one minute. Shower more consciously, with more attention to the water and your body.

These are a few of the things I trade off when daily meditations and nightly candle lightings can't happen, and no, it's not perfect and I still feel like I'm falling apart throughout much of my day--but I can calm my panic and meet most of my goals, magickal or otherwise, with keeping up my efforts but changing what they look like. Hope this is helpful to you too, and I'd love to hear how you stay witchy when life is wicked.

Blessed be!

Your Magical Forecast For the Week + Where to Find Me

Hey Friends! I'm trying out something new this week, which is kind of the name of the game on this blog. I love doing deck and book reviews, as well as just general musing and blogging, but I want to offer some further insight into what the week has in store astrologically/magickally/etc. This way if you don't know what to get a reading about OR just want to know how to make the most of your days, you'll have some extra input.

As a reminder, we start this week with our five planets still in retrograde: Mercury, (the doozy), Saturn (pretty common--most of us effected minimally), Mars, Jupiter, and Pluto--which is still a planet astrologically, even if science has abandoned it :P This means communication could be difficult or even miserable at this time, so certainly readings about interpersonal communications and/or how to communicate most effectively are a marvelous idea. Another great idea is spending some time figuring out how to use this energy to your benefit. It's a great time for introverts to answer some bigger picture questions, and depending on your how astrological chart it could be a positive time for soothing old feuds or finishing projects that you've been postponing.

The biggest thing though, is spring in general. Even with the planets being a little wonky, this is always a good time to clean out your closet/purse/friends list, and that in and of itself can be an act of self-care or magick. Additionally, "Spring Fever" hits many of us pretty hard, making it a prime time to connect with Mother Nature and exercise our bodies, which again, can be an act of self-care or magick in and of itself. It's also a prime time for carnal and sensual connections, so sex magick and relationship readings are aspected well.

The Moon starts the week in Cancer, so if you feel a little emotional or your inner knight-in-shining-armor starts screaming to save and take care of everyone, take a breathe and assess if these are genuine feelings rooted in something real or if it's likely just the moon. This does make these next couple of days great for those who are caretakers, starting relationships, or craving bonding moments with others. The Moon moves into Leo on Thursday, so get ready to attack some of those unfinished projects with vigor, and spend some extra self-care time on your appearance. Any haircuts, makeovers, or fitness goals are aspected well at this time. The END of the week sees the Moon in Virgo, assuring all that caretaking and throwing yourself into finishing projects is doubly well aspected for you over the weekend.

AND if you're all pumped and ready for readings in ANY line, you can find me:

At Eye of Horus Monday and Wednesday 3-9
By email on a 48 hour turnaround all week.
By appointment private appointment Thurs-Sunday.

Blessed Be,
Cassandra