Cat Pee, Car Trouble & Looking Ahead

                                One of my many beautiful walks along the river from May

Last week my roommate came home and I was sobbing uncontrollably, absolutely distraught. I felt totally helpless and like all of the work I put into my career, my home, my relationships was completely worthless. Why?

Because I came home and my cat had clearly peed in the front hallway, making my whole large-but-still-an-apartment-sized-apartment reek of cat pee. In truth, that was obviously not the real reason. I woke up in a bad mood because of PTSD-fueled nightmares all night. I was exhausted and stressed out. Money was hemorrhaging due to car trouble much quicker than it was coming in and it'd been a whole day of dealing with said car trouble instead of being productive. And...the cat pee caused my already poverty-trauma laden brain to flash back to growing up with a million animals with no one disciplined enough to properly care for them around, and certainly no one with enough means to care for them coming by. I have spent my entire life scratching and crawling my way away from that life, and to have a day where money was leaking everywhere coupled with that familiar smell, I lost it, completely. Then I lost two more days because of PTSD--some related to my upbringing, some related to the sexual assault reminders coming in while I was trying to sleep. 

My Virgo roommate (who also did not have a lot of pets growing up) handled my hysterical breakdown as well as anyone could have, and came up with solutions like strategically placing cat food, toys, and treats where they like to pee so they won't anymore. Knock on wood, it's worked for almost a whole week! So I went into writing this post feeling like May was a wash--but really I've accomplished a lot, had a lot of shenanigans, and am very happy about all of the great things coming up this June. The biggest takeaway from this experience though is how everyone in my life treated me. My Eye of Horus fam totally left me alone in between clients because what I needed was rest and quiet. My roommate/queerplatonic partner came up with solutions and was totally understanding about the reasons for the breakdown. My best friend talked me off a cliff about my professional concerns. It was a reminder of what I'm building outside of my professional life: a community, a home, a nest of love & safety. The things that make life worth living when the sun goes down are all here even when I'm freaking out over cat pee. And that feels pretty damn good.

My end of May wrap-up then, actually looks pretty good and gives me (and you!) even more to get excited about! So let's jump in:

Tarot Stuffs!

• I have not one, but THREE classes lined up for August and September at various venues. Info is incoming about those but if you like sex & love queers you're going to be elated to find out what I have up my sleeve.
• I received a review copy of this beautiful deck. Review still pending but this deck is beautiful. I am so attached to it already. 
• I am actually on in-person tarot reading hiatus except for Eye of Horus shifts and e-mail readings until June 12th because of overload, spoons, and practicality. But you can sign up for the latter half of the month now, snag an e-mail reading or visit me at the store anytime.

Things I Wrote

• Queering the Tarot updates are here and here. I love how much this series has taken off and become such a core function of both my tarot business and my writing. I want to write it forever, but, of course, I will run out of cards eventually. In the meantime, book mark one of the two sites to see updates!
• I started a pretty happening queer arts calendar at The Column, so if you live in or near the Twin Cities, I'm so happy to report that there's this easy go-to for you to find radical entertainment.
• I'm back on Siobhan's Mirror slinging Tarot 'Scopes this month!
• My friend Sarah McPeck put together a wonderful storytelling show to benefit Clare Housing and I told my always raucous story of getting a really aggressive period at a really fancy dinner party. That story might be told at a much bigger outlet pretty soon, so I am very excited for that.

Theatre Life

• Eek! Opening THIS weekend are some plays I wrote. I, unfortunately, can not make it to the shows because I'm scheduled for reader shifts and I need them, but I am very happy with my pieces and so sad to be missing the show for the first time in quite awhile.
• Gadfly has this queer, feminist, geeky one-act fest opening NEXT WEEK. Ahhh! I'm so pumped--my show has a talking penguin and a non-binary knight and the beautiful princess gets to eat the whole time. The whole festival is something I'm really proud of though. Our shows, casts, directors are absolutely stunning. 

                   My really great cast for Sky's The Limit as part of our one-act festival.

• The Big Queer Garage Sale was a hit! It was a little slow on all days, but we made some decent money anyway AND got rid of a bunch of super space-consuming stuff. Plus some of my favorite people walked away with fairy wings and mysterious capes!

Recommendations

• I can not recommend Hasan Minhaj's comedy special on Netflix enough. It is, as many have said, storytelling at it's finest. I also laughed harder than I have in a long, long time. As a bonus, here's Minhaj talking more about politics, married life, and other stuff.
• I read A Man Called Ove by Fredrik Backman and cried inconsolably for like an hour and a half. I also loved Animals Strike Curious Poses, a book of essays by Elena Passarello about animals we (humans) have immortalized.

Other Shenanigans

• I got to help Northern Lights Witch set up for her business birthday rompus and ended up winning two BEAUTIFUL and DELICIOUS teas from Asali Earthwork. 

• My homegirl took me out for diner food after my storytelling gig, and me, her, and my QPP ended up just sitting in her car and laughing over nothing for a couple of hours. That simple night really helped me get back on my feet after a rough week. A true sign of solid friendships is that while we still kill it as drag show and burlesque audiences and get a little too wild on the dance floor, a Saturday night at a diner and an hour of laughs in a car are every bit as restorative as "losing control."
• Are you aware of Lotus candles? They do not work, but they are fun. Actually let me rephrase: they work fine. They do not stop working until your queerplatonic partner peels off every petal, rips off the top and crushes the music box that has been running an instrumental "Happy Birthday" for literal hours. 
• Finally, the Bisexual Organizing Project put together a show called Bi-lesque: Gender Anarchy earlier this month and it was the queerest, sexiest, most fun show I have seen in ages. I'm not sure if there's anything like it coming down the hatch, but you can follow BOP on Twitter to find out. 

I'm going to end this entry on two PSAs today:
1) I went to an ENT specialist last week, and it turns out the ENT will make you snort numbing spray and then shove a camera up your nose and down your throat. It is not fun, and I was completely unaware of this procedure until I got there. I just want to save you the same shock and, also, complain a little. 
2) Sometimes your bank gets shut down from the FDIC super suddenly so you have to take a day to visit 10 different banks and drink all the complimentary coffee, and anyway, if you have a decent credit score, credit unions are the way to go for free coffee and better banking. Technically there is still a bank where my money from my old bank sits (for now). It is forty minutes away in a suburb with no public transit there, so...

Anyway, that's it for me! Coming up in June:

• Northern Lights Witch is going to take over my Multi-Passion Diary for the month, 
• You'll hear more about my upcoming tarot classes, and...
• There will be even more Queering the Tarot's in the world!
• Plus, you know, this totally small, not at all time-consuming one-act festival I'm producing.

Blessed be y'all! 

It's May 20th! So Here's A Round Up Of Great Internet Links!

My "Queering the King of Wands" piece is up at TheColu.mn & Littleredtarot.com right now!

May has somehow simultaneously crawled and flown by. I'm directing a one-act which is substantially less time-consuming than directing a full-length show. Steady gigs have been moving alone but slowly. It's like I'm going half-speed at every facet of my life right now, even though I'm working on plugging away on my end at the hoped for speed. I know one thing making me feel weird is that I'm dying and itching to get out of town for a couple of days but NO ONE has the same schedule as me. My queerplatonic partner works doubles at their day job on the days I'd be able too. Another close friend has some time on one of the days but her other free time is a steady gig day. Other friends could go during the week, but only on days I have rehearsal. It's maddening but I'm sure I'll find a way to break away soon.

In the meantime, here's some internet I really loved as I read scores of internet in hopes of becoming a better writer/tarot reader/theatre person/queer person/resister/human:

On Activism and Allyship

• If you work in the service industry, Barista Magazine has a great piece here about degendering language in the workplace.
• On appropriation and fighting back: a true ongoing story about Mayan women and their fight to have their work protected.
• A modern look at Act Up, where we should be looking up to them, and how we could do better now.
• Janet Mock on Glam as a Survival Tactic. So lovely.
• Somehow the free speech brigade has been pretty quiet about this actual attempt at censoring Linda Sarsour.
• On Gentrification, Displacement, and Resistance.
• Are we witnessing a slow-motion coup? This was written before the past week's complete and utter chaos, but it's important nonetheless.
• Queeros from every state! (That's a mash-up of "Queer Hero" by the way. You're welcome.)
• I. Love. The. Lesbian. Avengers.
• From A Cup of Jo: 5 Ways to Teach Kids About Consent.
• This is a few weeks old now but I was riveted and disgusted to learn about the 745 oil spills North Dakota has already dealt with before the DPL even starts.
• A landmark, overdue study on chest binding is happening now!

Art and Theatre Nerd Stuff

• Harmonia Rosales re-created the "Creation of Adam" with black women and it is beautiful.
• Re-claiming Miss Julie hits on some ideas I've been mulling over for awhile. I love classic work but HOW DO with my current artistic sensibilities?
• Nonprofit AF has a really important post up about how donor centrism perpetuates inequity and it kind of shook me as a producer.
• This thought-provoking piece on creativity and what makes it work made me so happy.
• I'm still not over Moonlight, and neither are a bunch of other people!

Witch Life

• A Lavender Moon's piece on why she's studying druidry is a great personal piece on spirituality AND a great primer on druidry.
• Some stuff you probably didn't know about Dionysus.
• We just had a Nodal Axis Shift--here's what that means for you.
• Worts and Cunning's blog about herbal powders literally changed my life. I'm not even kidding. Herbal powders for SMOOTHIES? Why didn't I think of this before.
• Beth writes about all four tarot queens and what they offer as a mentor here. It's great.
• Speaking of Beth, here's a Little Red Tarot community roundtable on grounding. (What is it? How do we do it?)

Business & Writing

• " Everyone has feelings and opinions, but the future ignores them. "--
• Some miscellaneous career advice from Mighty Girl that spoke to me. It's also a really great writing prompt and motivator. 
• Esme Wang's writing is always great, but this piece on chronic illness and feeling lazy really hit home for me.
• Related: I don't even have words for how moved I was by this piece on writing, dreamscapes, and so, so much more.
• All of The Tarot Lady's stuff is A+ plus I especially loved this piece from her Soul Propietor series on knowing the difference between stepping out of your comfort and stepping ON your integrity.
• I had some issues with some things on this list of how to support writers without buying their books, but there's also some great ideas. Please don't mess up a store's inventory though. Someone isn't paid enough to come through and fix that.
• One of my favorite pieces I've read all month from Yes and Yes. "Stop Making it So Hard."

Miscellaneous (IE: the Most Fun Collection of Links)

• I occasionally check in on Alicia Silverstone (an early childhood crush) and her vegan advice and recommendations. Her list of film-ready vegan make up products includes some surprisingly affordable options, and few key splurges.
• Stevie Nicks kicking butt in this vintage self-defense book was really fun + it made my heart go pitter-patter, because Stevie Nicks.
• A whole Tumblr of really funny adventures making AI do things like create and illustrate stories.
• A standalone webcomic about fat sexuality. It's really cute but also really helpful.
• Also on being fat and rad: this in-depth part review, part article about Gabourey Sidibe's new book is amazing.
• In case you haven't laughed out loud yet today.
• I have no idea if anyone here loves Jenny Lawson as much as I do--and if you don't know either, check out her personal creepy doll challenge to see if she's for you.
• This piece has made the rounds but in case you missed it: "My Father Spent 30 Years in Prison. Now He's Out."
• On disability, dating, and finally coming around to self-love. I maybe choked up a few times as this piece resonated with me. Maybe.
• Block People and Pretend They Died is much less self-love and much more candid snark than I ever could have anticipated. I laughed so hard when they started listing the reasons they've blocked people.

Happy reading, happy weekend, and blessed be!

Cassandra Snow

Learning Tarot: The Art Matters More + Some Games!

Me, the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, and Jessa Crispin's "The Creative Tarot" getting some learning done.

Hello all!

The collective unconscious trips me up sometimes; I meant to write a post last week on this topic, and then Biddy Tarot posted an alarmingly similar one here. I strongly encourage you to go read that post first, as I didn't want to replicate information on this one.

Learning Tarot can and should be a simple, fun, personalized process where your own reactions and experiences matter more than an any prescribed notions, so the easiest way to learn it may to be throw your Little White Book to the side for now and try a different approach. From Biddy Tarot's blog:

“Describe the picture. What story is it telling? Think about:

Are there people in the card?
What are they doing?
What objects are in the card?
Why do you think those objects are there?
Why is the person there?
What’s in the background?
What’s in the foreground?
How do all of these different elements come together?”

— BiddyTarot.com

To that incredibly comprehensive list, I would also add that I'm a huge fan of color theory in art and tarot as well. What does green mean to you and how does that apply when almost a whole card is green? This is less helpful in a black and white deck, obviously, but the shading and line work can still give you clues to the artist's intended meaning. Paying attention to specific symbols like animals, astrological symbols, seasons, and callbacks to other cards in your deck are also wildly helpful in learning your tarot deck inside and out. Most tarot readers, myself included, will tell you to journal on these discoveries, even if you're not a journaler. The payoff when you look at old entries two years later is completely worth it. Learning your cards this way first will also allow you to pick up another deck easily when you're ready.

AS PROMISED, I've also got some games to share with you to help you learn this way. Some of these I've learned at meet-ups or talking to other readers, and some I've developed on my own. You need:

• A tarot deck you don't know super well
• A friend who loves tarot and has a deck

That's it! Do whatever you would do to prepare to read for someone (shuffle each other's decks, or your own, etc.) and then take your respective decks that you're learning back. You'll both want to think for a few moments to come up with a deluge of questions to ask each other.

• Then taking turns, ask questions and have your game partner answer based only on what is happening in the picture.
• Or based on the animal in the card.
• Or based solely on intuition.
• Or based on what the person in the card is doing.
• Or based on a symbol that jumps out at you and nothing else.
• Or based on how the colors in the picture work together.
• Etc, etc.

There are a couple of other rules in these games. They should be rapid fire. The questions you each ask should be ones you are curious about but not life or death. You have to trust your gut. If the symbol that jumps out at you is an apple but the biggest one is different, no sweat. Trust the apple. You should not apply any knowledge of the cards beyond whichever version of the game you are playing allows for, period. Finally, as a side note, if you're playing "What does the animal on the card tell us," for example, and you pull a card that doesn't have an animal, as Nancy Antenucci taught me, the answer to that question is "You already know the answer." (Nancy also taught me a few rad versions of this game too.)

That's it! While learning tarot has a lot of grooves and nuances, these methods and games will make you feel super solid on individual cards and what they're trying to tell you. If you're interested in really hunkering down to study, my Coaching package is available here or you can come in for a one of session to clarify some things.

Blessed be y'all!

Peace Out, April!

Easter cookies received as a gift to help usher in a new season and era!

A month is not inherently bad, nor does it cause pain on it's own or without provocation. In fact, April has brought me a number of highlights and joys we'll break into in a minute. But it also brought me these things:

• A phone so broken it wouldn't even turn on and a phone company insisting on a pretty high payout to do anything about it or turn a new one on.
• My queerplatonic partner getting extorted for money without any evidence or proof over something that happened over a year ago and getting verbally abused in the process.
• A tax bill I wasn't quite ready for. (This one is, admittedly, on me. Lesson learned.)
• AND A mystery illness that is forcing me to get a neck/throat ultrasound this week and sending me to specialists. I can barely eat. It's....awful.

I spent the entire month near breakdown point in spite of friends and family helping out every time they could and things otherwise going swimmingly. Things thawed out towards the end, but I had to catch up putting together a community garage sale & one act festival, running a tarot business, and writing deadlines. It's been...a lot. Even so, I'm very proud of what I've accomplished in my career and the adventures I did squeeze in. Such as:

• Tarot Hits: I acquired a Mystical Spiral from Lo Scarebo that is not my normal hyperqueer, feminist fare but is so delightfully absurd that I adore it. In actual tarot business life I'm working on TWO tarot e-books at the moment. It is my fondest, greatest wish to get a quick, popcorn take on Queering the Tarot out this April. I've got a bigger project that's more of a workbook on learning tarot the storytelling & art theory way that I'm slowly chipping away at. In the meantime, I LOVE the Sunday shifts I've picked up at Eye of Horus, the clients I've seen at my studio, and seeing my student pool grow so much this month. I'll have a couple of classes to announce soon which is VERY exciting. I also had the very distinct honor of being featured on one of my utmost tarot hero's blog as well.
• Stuff I Wrote: I had a wonderful time at my steady writing gig, including this review that breaks down why casting cisgender people in transgender roles is stupid and goes into ways NOT write a trans character in the first place. I've officially queered all the wands of the tarot too. Right now the King is only available at The Column, but will be dropping into Little Red this coming month.
• Theatre Kid Chronicles: Not a ton to report, but I'll be blogging about June one act festival a lot over the next couple of months, I'm sure. My company is running a huge community garage sale tomorrow from 8-2, so if you're in the Twin Cities, come on down to the Fox Egg Gallery!

Rocking this theatre kid life with my biz & queerplatonic partner.

• Reading & Watching Recommendations: I think this was technically May, but there's a recent episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that seriously addresses the intersection of being black and a cop. It is so so good. I read much more than I zoned out to the TV for this month. I devoured the most recent Saga graphic novel. I also maybe cried or something over it. I dunno. I read Unholy Night, a semi-horror retelling of the three wise men tale, and it was really silly but weirdly gripping.
• Other Adventures: MAYBE my best friend's oldest kid hid a bunch of bananas around her house and I went to help her find them, only to have my queerplatonic partner turn around and re-hide them all. Maybe. I also went to a bunch of really great live shows: a comedy show at Lush run by my friend Sarah, a flash theatre project at Patrick's Cabaret, and a modern retelling of Prometheus Bound were all super exceptional.  My favorite was a night featuring Venus DeMars and a slew of A-List Minneapolis performers raise money for The Aliveness Project called Last Call. It was beautiful from start to finish. I ended the month with my best adventure for it--checking out the new Lotus restaurant in Uptown and ending up walking around a Thai New Year's Festival where I got blessed by monks (the bracelet they gave me went right on my altar) and got to hear some great Thai music.

Lanterns for luck at the Thai New Year Festival I ran into.

That's pretty much it for my April. I had some beautiful moments, but am not sorry to be into May which has already been amazing so far. Wishing you and yours a month of laughter and brightness.

Blessed be y'all!

My Favorite Internet This Month! (Plus a Tarot Learnin' Tip!)

One of my favorite cards from my favorite deck.

My darling friend J Ryan from Queer Street Tarot gifted me a "Mystical Tarot" last week; this is a deck that is mass produced through Lo Scarebo/Llewellyn but it really stuck out to me in spite of not being overtly queer or feminist as a deck. The deck LOOKS like a classical art deck, but a more careful peek shows a lot of quirk and absurdity and I fell in love, so I was so grateful for the gift. That night, before I'd practice with my roommate, I did something I always do before I spread out my cards and play. "What are you doing?" Manny asked.

"Finding the most important card" I responded with the subtext of "Duh." They were understandably confused, so I thought I'd elaborate here since this is not as common a practice as I thought. Little Red Tarot and all of us who write over there, as well as countless other, usually do a deck interview when we have time to sit down with the deck to truly get to know it. However, I do something WAY before that stage when I am either trying out a new deck to see I want to own it or figuring out how a gift and I fit together. I simply shuffle the cards, ask the deck what the "most important" card in this deck is, and pull. To me this is the card that tells me what this deck's highest function is--what it wants to be used for, how it communicated, and how I as a reader can work with it best. The Slow Holler (pictured above) told me it was a deck best used to help me communicate my visions for all of the things I am so fired up and passionate about. The Slow Holler is indeed a deck of healing, but it's also one of inspiration and fire starting. Creating change in all I do, this is my favorite deck because it helps me plot that so perfectly. In the case of the Mystical Tarot I drew The Star--a card of rest, renewal, but yes, deep faith in myself and my Divine and the world around me so chock full of resources and life. This is a deck that will both deepen my relationship with myself and the Divine, but will also help me find practical resources when need be whether I'm planning an art project, a business venture, or a revolution. Try it with your favorite deck, and see what you come up with. I usually will pull fresh every few months for the decks I use most often, and when I pick up one I've been neglecting I pull one to start too. In the meantime, here's a whole lot of links!

Tarot and Witchcraft

• A lovely glamour based on who you are from the Witch of Lupine Hollow.
• Alexis has some great observations on mistakes every tarot reader makes.
• Siobhan (of Siobhan's Mirror) and Asali (of Asali Earthwork) have a great conversation that I've even re-read a couple of times here.
• I love the Tarot in Art series and was excited to learn about a work and painter I hadn't yet. Catch up on the whole thing by following links through if you haven't.
• Mary K. Greer has a very fun murder mystery based on the tarot happening over at her blog!
• Do you follow local (Minneapolis) Astrology Whiz Heather Roan Robbins yet? You definitely should; she's a rock star at what she does, and her Starcode series is beyond helpful.
• Haiti, Vodou and the Racism inherent when we talk about either.
• A shrine to slutty queerness over on Little Red!!! I'm so happy about this whole thing.
• I don't even want to tell you anything about this Hood Witch post about Becoming the Earth because you need to just go experience it for yourself.

Queerness, Feminism, and Anti-Racism

• A really important, beautifully written essay on being a WOC who's also adventurous and outdoorsy. I can't do it justice--read here.
• Think you can be body positive without being feminist? NOPE.
• Autostraddle covers a really lovely, sweet photo project of queers at home that also goes pretty deep into what home even means for us.
• Also from Autostraddle: 5 Tips for a Great Activist Meeting.
• Stuff Only Women Writers Hear (with input from fab black women writers too).
• I am mad at United Airlines. But I'm mostly mad at America.
• Ojibwe History from Colonization to Present. A headier read, but definitely necessary and incredibly well-done.
• Oof, I relate to this piece so hard. Family, don't read this one. I'm serious. (Title: "How My Dad's Dirty Magazines Shaped My Queer Sexuality")
• From Cosmopolitan actually, this piece on how yes, even in 2017 it is still terrifying to do basic things like hold a partner's hand is so, so important. Related, Unicorn Booty unveils the reality of how many are uncomfortable with LGBTQ+ Americans, and TBH now I'm permanently uncomfortable.
• The Joy of Being Unlikeable is something I not only wish to every radical fighting the fight that I know, but a really smart, properly emotional blog post!
• So it turns out that women are better leaders than men. I'm so...so...shocked....

For Artists and Theatre Kids

• Something I struggle with regularly--making a life in the arts manageable financially. This piece does NOT sugar coat or mince words.
• STOP. COMPLAINING. ABOUT. OVERHEAD. IF. YOU. WANT. TO. SUPPORT. THE. ARTS. (or any non-profit).
• A really good roundup of things we just shouldn't do in the arts anymore.
• A Transgender Theatre Revolution in Chicago!

On Writing

• If you love Dear Prudence, you will REALLY love this interview with Mallory Ortberg.
• Jia Tolentino vents about the gig economy and honestly I applauded when I finished.
• Life Advice from Adrienne Rich makes me swoony. So does anything Adrienne Rich.
• Sara Benincasa's Letter to a Worried Writer resurfaced recently and it's SO good.
• Kai Cheng Thom's book is a complete delight, and so is this interview over at Bitch

Just Because

• Some great tips for Impact Play in your boudoir (or wherever you like to do such things).
• The U.S. used to send prominent jazz musicians like Louis Armstrong overseas...to fight communism!
• Wanna give your friend (or yourself) a hilarious yet artsy yet affordable gift? These Badly Drawn Authors are truly outstanding.
• WHY DO I LIKE THESE BDSM DOLLHOUSES SO MUCH? Jk, I know why.
• So, the Tyranosaurus Rex was apparently a very kind lover. Who knew?
• ICYMI: Every Story About Trump Supporters from the Washington Post made the rounds a while back but is legit laugh-out-loud funny and spot on.
• True crime story about the kidnapping case Lolita was based.
• Decision-making fatigue is very real, especially where food decisions are concerned. A PCOS website I follow has more info here.
• Another "oldie but goodie": an Aidy Bryant interview where she just keeps stealing my heart.
• Well, it's come to this: a how-to for realistic Doomsday Prep.
• I just really love Christy Carlson Romano y'all and here she's all...talking queer and stuff, and my heart---aaahhh.

AND I watched all of Supergirl during a two day arthritis flare-up that left me barely able to make it to the bathroom from my couch. AND I followed that up by binging (for no good reason) Wynonna Earp while I was at it. Regardless of your taste for gun slinging badasses with cute, hella smart, femme sisters (I mean, I don't know why you're not into that if you aren't but you do you) but this song is wonderful. I've been listening non-stop ever since.

Syfy's Wynonna Earp Theme Song "Tell That Devil" performed by Jill Andrews Purchase: http://amzn.to/1UYOyCM

My Water Altar! (Plus How to Build Your Own!)

Creating an Elemental Altar

I work very well with altars. I have one to Hecate and my ancestors. I have an ongoing prosperity spell that has become it's own altar. My living room windowsill collects more and more things to and from Hestia. Then the other night, I was re-reading the blog I penned shortly after my birthday and checking in with myself about how I was feeling on the whole “leaning into my emotions” thing when it hit me: I need a Water altar. I am a Pisces babe through and through, even when I suppress it. Which means that in times when I'm trying to heal and push myself to allow my own watery tendencies to heal me, I needed an altar to work with to push me on my way. I decided to build my Water Altar for two reasons:
 

1. To have a daily visual, spiritual reminder to honor my truest, most watery self every day.

2. To have an altar paying respect to the spiritual entities that come from or frequently work with water.

I'm so happy with how my altar is looking already that I thought I'd share how to curate appropriate objects and build your own elemental altar. Whether you need to build an altar to your own sign's element, to an element who's energy you're lacking, or if you need a specific element's help for a specific spell or ritual, this should help. Here's what I put on mine:

1. A tarot card! Obviously the first thing I rifled through to serve as the base of my water altar was the tarot deck I use for spellwork. I pulled out the Ace of Cups. The Ace of the corresponding suit is ideal; a Court card or any you strongly connect with would also work.

2. Objects organically and responsibly given from that element. Examples would be feathers or leaves for Air. Stones and twigs work great for Earth. Matches or charcoal would work splendidly for Fire. In the case of Water, I used Lake Superior Agate that I pulled in real life, nautilus shells friends have given me over the years, a starfish I received as part of a gift basket once, and some seashells I picked up on an L.A. Beach. I do have two hard and fast rules for this part of building any altar, but especially one to an element. Number One: I don't take from anywhere with a sign posted saying I can't. Number Two: I have to ask a Spiritual Entity for permission (and receive that permission), even if it feels like something is screaming for me to take it. Gifted objects also work great for this part though, so if you are someone who doesn't take from nature at all, that's a perfectly reasonable way to add such objects.

3. A touch of whimsy! I have a glass whale I've had forever that looks so cute sitting at the head of the water altar. I have a sea turtle that I'm sussing out if it belongs there are not. Relevant charms from a charm casting set or charm jewelry set also work. Toys, poems, song lyrics you wrote down—anything that adds a touch of whimsy and lightness will make those elemental energies very happy and eager to collaborate with you.

4. Anything else that speaks to you. My black moonstone was screaming to go on the altar, and my quartz pendulum seemed pretty happy too. This altar wants NO fire as of now, so I left off candles. This is a purely intuitive side of the work, and a crucial one because of that.

5. The actual element! A candle that you light daily for Fire, stones or a literal cup of dirt for Earth, incense or an ethically harvested bird skeleton for Air are great examples of this. I literally just made Moon Water in a mason jar and stuck it on my altar.

That's it! No need to overcomplicate it. Besides, I'm a firm believer in living altars, which means I'll still use that pendulum on the go sometimes and it goes with me that day. Other stones may wanted added, or the Black Moonstone may end up getting used a different way. Tokens and emblems I find at a beach or receive as a gift could end up getting added, or not. I let my altars grow or shrink and use what's there when I work with it. I'd love to see pictures of your own elemental altars—hit me up on social media to show off!

Blessed Be y'all!

On Lizzo, River Walks, and Gearing Up for April

The river is rushing, wildflowers are starting to bud, and my eyes won't stop watering. It must actually be full-on not-a-joke-this-time Spring! Normally autumn is MY season. Fall is when I come alive, when I feel my dieties working with me, and when I get excited about the year's transformations in my life. That's still very true—nothing like an October chill to reinvigorate me—but this Spring feels really fresh and exciting to me too. As we jump into warmer weather, here's how I spent my March when I wasn't here:

A beautiful Spring day driving past a beautiful spot in Minneapolis.

• Tarot Stuff: As some of you reading have already discovered, I have picked up Sunday day time shifts at my beloved steady gig, The Eye of Horus! I'll be there from 11:30-6 on Sundays in addition to evenings on Wednesdays. In more mundane news, I've started using my Modern Spellcaster's deck in readings, and I've gotten into a lovely e-mail reading groove with a few of you too! You can find out more about my e-mail readings here.

• Writing Round-Up! I did a major big kid writer thing this month—I applied to not one but TWO emerging writer's grants to finish a manuscript for a memoir about finding laughter in traumatic circumstances. There's also some Queering the Tarot action here and here, and a profile I got to capture on a poet I just adore here. I'm also working on a second e-book for y'all. This one is a little more substantial but I hope to finish up this month. You can grab my first, a mini e-book about using tarot for healing here.

• Theatre (and beyond): Oh, you know, just performed improv and front of people for the first time, thus finishing my improv class with a bang. Plus a Drunk Queer History my company organized, a mainstage show I directed, and I dunno, something about us getting a grant for our summer one-act festival. Keep up to date by signing up for Gadfly's mailing list!

• Life Outside of Work! (That's a thing, sort of?): I managed to have a really spectacular month in spite of having three careers, two of which required grants due and one which I produced multiple major events. Most notably, I ended the month at a Lizzo concert with three of my very best friends, brought to tears at a hip-hop show for (I think) the first time. The show has me mulling over self-love and what loving your body truly means. I adore my mind, and I'm a genuinely kind, sweet person and love that deeply about myself. I'm also incredibly fun. Yet for all of my body and fat positiviy and attraction to women and genderqueer people of ALL sizes actually loving my body the way Lizzo raps about is so hard for me. She has completely re-inspired me to take on self- love exercises to help me get there though

  • Favorite things I read: I started the month by breezing through Neil Gaiman's accessible, fun take on Norse Mythology. I got super sucked in to Murakami's weird world again with The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. I devoured Fisher's Princess Diarist and Mara Wilson's Where Am I Now in approximately a day and a half each. That's a lot, I know but it was a really good book month!

  • Favorite Things I Watched: I went to see King Lear at the Guthrie, not for research or review but just to go. This was the first time I'd gotten to do something like that in a very, very long time and the show was wonderful. The eye gouging piece of the play was SO well executed, and the rest of the show was pretty great too. Alternatively, Manny and I also binged Season 1 of Supergirl in about a week. I am completely obsessed and dying to get my hands on Season 2 even though it's still happening. I saw Get Out in the movie theater and OH. MY. GOD. Even with all the rave reviews I was surprised by how good it was, because it's that good. I don't even like scary movies but I'm raving about this one still. As just a guilty pleasure thing, I've also been watching Trial and Error on NBC. I love John Lithgow and this one is really silly and fun.

  • Other Things I Loved: Manny and I have spent several afternoons or evenings walking along the Mississippi River just chatting about ourselves, art, and the river itself. I'm so overjoyed that we're back in “hanging out near water” season and these escapes have helped my mental health so, so much. Now that it's warming up, if you're physically capable and live near a large body of water—go! What are you doing reading the internet right now?!

One more view of the river before we head out for today!

That's it for me and my theatreific, booktastic, Supergirl-swamped March! Please tweet or Facebook me about your own adventures!

Blessed Be, y'all!

Theatre + Internet = My Entire March So Far!

Hello all!

I've been on a bit of an accidental blogging hiatus lately--tech week last week really took it out of me, and the only breaks I had were spent tiredly staring at my computer catching up on Autostraddle and other faves (and watching Penny Dreadful. I'm so in love with Eva Green.)

The good news is twofold! One) And Then They Fell by Tira Palmquist is up, running, and wonderful so far. You can grab your tickets here! Two) THIS IS THE MOTHER OF ALL LINK ROUND-UPS. SO much internet the past few weeks, y'all. Get ready.

Just Because: My friend Anne says smart things about women, theatres, and museums here. ~I love reading about Diane Arbus, and this article goes pretty deep. ~8 Female Surrealists Who Aren't Frida Kahlo ~ Sometimes I forget PostSecret exists, and remembering is always the best present to myself. ~ Nerdy fan theories about Steven Universe ~ A really in-depth piece about the soundtrack to My So-Called Life. It's worth the length, I promise. ~ A very cute, informative comic about puppy play (NSFW!) ~ I fell pretty deep into this article about Kudzu. ~ Women who changed science forever ~ Some stuff about Pluto as a planet (or not) ~ Daria turned 20 Y'all. ~ Sex ed falls short sometimes ~

How to Life Better: Something every chronically ill, anxious, or exhausted person needs: an At the Very Least List ~ Being Relatable Online ~ Some solid sales advice ~ I love Seth Godin. A lot. ~ Making a perfect speech ~ Please don't cancel ~Some deeper self-care options ~ Wasting money on your business? Whoops. ~ Someone in your life toxic? The solution might be waaay different than you think. ~ I love this!

Notes for the Intersectional Queer Feminist Revolution: Sex Workers and Activism <3 ~The Trash Heap Has Spoken is one of my favorite things I've read in probably a couple of years. ~ A photo essay of femmes and genderqueer POC. It's SO good. ~ Africa's First Female President! ~ On Britain and queer immigrants ~ Decolonize Your Science Reading List (so much added to my "to read" list!) ~ An interesting read on being gay in Colonial America ~ Raising a trans child in Texas ~ Unprecedented change requires unprecendeted self-love. ~ Teen Vogue, Moonlight, and Queer Black Men ~ ~ A tech boost if you need help with an eating disorder ~ Making peace with food (even when you hate your body) ~ Eight Native Women That Are Badass (a paraphrased title) ~ Jeanna Kadlec's Must-Read on Allyship ~ Sexism and Sickness ~ Keep having those hard convos in small towns, y'all. It's working. ~

Tarot, Witchcraft, Etc.: When Spirituality Sucks ~ The Tarot Lady gets so beautifully personal here ~ I LOVE this series at Briana Saussy's site and this one really made me dig deeper into The Emperor. ~ Anarchy, Feminism, and Goddess Energy with the writer of one of my very favorite books ~ So, um, Venus is in retrograde for a bit yet. ~ More on Venus moving backwards here ~ You should be following this short, easy but rad tarot series ~

Theatre Nerdery: Gender Parity in Theatre (An Overview) ~ Don't Write Checks You Can't Cash ~ Moonlight got it's start on the stage, and this piece about that is wonderful. ~Eleven Tropes I (and Bitter Gertrude) Could Not Be More Over

That's all, y'all! Blessed be!

Multi-Passion Diaries: What a Life in Theatre Has Taught Me About Running a Tarot Business

Welcome to what will hopefully be an ongoing series here at the blog! I think effective blogging has to come from a place of sincerity and vulnerability, and in the spirit of that, this series honestly came to me one night when I was having a rough go of trying to figure out where (if anywhere) I fit in and what communities I felt rooted in. That's the true challenge, in my opinion, of being someone with multiple careers or even one career and really significant passions or hobbies outside of that. Time management for things like deadlines and getting things done has always come easily to me. I run on pure passion for the things I love to do. I can't imagine not running Gadfly. I can't imagine not occasionally performing, directing, or otherwise working on productions outside of Gadfly. I have no idea what my life would look like without tarot and I don't want to know. Then there's my writing—while I'm often able to tie that side of my life into my work in art or with the metaphysical, I have so much more as a writer to offer and my dream life looks like hilarious yet PTSD fueled memoirs and novels as well as tarot series and books and regular art reviews and syndicated columns. By all accounts, I'm making the build to that all work and finding spurts of success along the way.

As this series moves forward though, I'll send those who want to write for a guest spot some questions to write around. One of those questions is: “What is the biggest challenge that comes from running your metaphysical business while also creating something else huge in your life?” For me that answer is that this multi-passion life is actually a little bit lonely. I have my hands in several different fields, so I never feel fully connected in any. Furthermore, because of ongoing self-esteem issues I deal with as well as social anxiety, I perceive a lot of pushback when I try to dig into the social side of any of the communities at hand because I'm only there half the time. I'm not theatre enough, or witch enough, and often I don't feel queer enough even for that community which is ridiculous because I'm gay and non-binary and who knows what else. I am probably imagining this pushback, but that is the challenge for me: the networking and figuring out the social side while also being so deeply in love with the work itself. I want most of my work time to be focused on work--and as a result, I end up feeling a little isolated or not present where I should.

*Deck featured is the Night Vale Tarot

Life with your hands in multiple pots certainly has it's benefits though, and that's the meat of this series. Here's a brief list of what a life and training in theatre has taught me about running my tarot business:

How to compartmentalize. My theatre motto is and has always been “keep the drama on the stage.” If you want the show to be good, nothing else matters in rehearsal expect rehearsing, and certainly nothing else matters during a performance. While I haven't found the metaphysical community to be overly drama-laden, that core idea of compartmentalizing has allowed me to give overwhelmingly deep, emotional readings to close friends, theatre colleagues, and neighbors without a hint of concern about what happens when they leave my studio. Just like I am ONLY a director when I'm in a rehearsal room, I'm ONLY your tarot reader or spiritual guide when you come in for a reading. The second we leave, you're my friend, my friend's partner, my co-worker, and it's like the hour of intimacy between us never happened. On your end, practice makes perfect here. Take on even one client at a time that you know or are close with, and really push yourself to keep the confidentiality you promise, be open in your session with them, and then just forget the whole thing when you're done. Energy cleanses are good practice too for this.

Trust your gut. This seems like something a professional tarot reader wouldn't need to learn from a different format, but trust me, when I started Tarot by Cassandra nearly a decade ago, I would see deep, earth-shattering epiphanies in the cards, and if I wasn't sure how the person would react I didn't read them. Not only does this not make sense as a professional psychic, but it strikes a deep contrast to my theatre training which tells me to make a choice and stick to it. Over time as my dual passions each took their own shape, I had to take bigger chances and leaps of faith with Gadfly—reaching out to scary donors, pulling in playwrights I idolize to work with us, and aiming for that dream cast every time. This definitively leaked over to my tarot life, and now I read what I see, no matter how poorly I'm worried it may be received. And you know what? I can count on one hand the number of times someone has gotten upset with me or been combative in response to my frankness. Always trust your gut—even if you had to learn to in a totally different way.

How to memorize quickly! While now I'm primarily a producer and director, for years I wanted to be the next Broadway actress. Reality kind of penned me down my senior year of college, but nonetheless, years of getting off book by the assigned date has given me a special skill when it comes to learning new decks or spreads quickly. Unfortunately there's no “real life” tie-in here—just a humble brag about my memorization skills and a shout out to a plucky, eager baby me who was always off book before the due date.

Social Media Savvy is key for both my tarot business and my theatre life, but I started Gadfly first. I've always been the default marketing whiz on our team, so I was the one researching Facebook algorithms in my free time and who developed our online campaigns. When it came time to start my own business then, figuring out which social media I was using and how was a breeze. I still get the bulk of my product buys from Twitter, social networking on Instagram, and in-person readings from Facebook, and I wouldn't know what fit best where without my start in Gadfly. The real life takeaway here? Learn your social media if you're using it to market. It will save your business' life. (Not into the internet at all? Check this out for other options.)

The show must go on. I read a lot of articles about reading no matter what you've been through—break-ups, family emergencies, health stuff within reason, but it's mostly a curiosity. I can't even list a cute or fun story about when I learned that come time to perform/read tarot/get an article done, you just do it. In theatre, opening night is no joke, and it doesn't matter if someone dropped out a week ago. You fill it in, and you go. In tarot, that means even when my chronic illness is a hot mess or my PTSD is acting up, it's weirdly easy for me to get in the zone. The best way to give that serenity to other is often with a mantra right before—it takes you out of the heartache/anger/anxiety clouding your vision and preps you for the session.

Overall, life in theatre has left me with one key life lesson that comes in handy when it comes to running my tarot business, my writing career, and my personal life all in one: breathe. While it was tarot that taught me to give up on the cult of busy (more on that at a later date), it was still theatre that taught me that if literal set pieces are falling down around you, you take a step out of the way and take a breath. If your scene partner doesn't show up on time, you take a breath. That breath is solace and comfort, and it refreshes your brain so you know how to improvise and forge ahead. A show has never been ruined because someone DIDN'T take a moment to release some pent up air and clear their head. A director has never fired an entire cast because they remembered to breathe. That lesson, learned early on, has stayed with me in all areas. If a client is arguing with me or my cards are legitimately cloudy, I take a breath and then see how I feel. If an editor accepts my proposal but has issues with my actual writing piece, I take a breath and then carry on a conversation about edits. I rarely will continue a fight with someone in my personal life without deep breathes and a clear mind. So no matter what passions in your life you're balancing or thinking on remember: breathe.

Blessed be, y'all!

International Women's Day, A Strike, and a Reason to Celebrate!

Today is International Women's Day, a day from their own site for "celebrating the social, economic, cultural and political achievements of women. The day also marks a call to action for accelerating gender parity." That's rad! And while there is a little bit of controversy around the day--everything from white washing to getting a capitalist slant that are all completely valid perspectives, I still choose to celebrate women today. For me this means celebrating and uplifting the voices of:

• Queer women
• Women of color
• Sex workers
• Women who have to work in spite of a national call for striking
• Poor women
• Women who start businesses
• Women who run businesses
• Women who stay home and take care of kids
• Women who work tirelessly to make ends meet
• Women who tell stories
• Women who listen to stories
• Women who don't believe in the need for today
• Self-made millionaire women
• Women who run parts of the world
• ...and myself

You see, I didn't always believe in existence as a form of resistance. I just happened to show up on this Earth, and activism was my duty and my role to make it better. I've fought tirelessly--endless conversations with now allies (and a few ex-friends), marches, campaigns, art. It never felt like enough though. I never felt like enough. I still, to be honest, do not feel like enough some days.

But I'm learning to live in my reality, to stand up and declare that I'm here and let that be enough for some days. Because I'm sick. And I'm tired. I have been sexually assaulted multiple times. I have been literally stalked. I had a ROUGH upbringing and an even rougher start to adulthood. Yet I'm here. I have stood at the gates of hell and insisted on coming through, sure there was more at the other end. And I was right. And that, is reason enough to celebrate today.

We have all stood at the gates of hell and insisted on coming through, sure there was more at the other end. And we were right. Remember that today as we plow through facing a world that wants us to be quiet and in our place, a world that wants to attack us, blame us, and forget us, a world that wants eat us alive. We have pushed through and we have gotten somewhere beautiful. So strike if you can, work if you can't, and spend some time laughing, learning, and celebrating with the strong, badass women in your life.

Happy International Women's Day, to all of you.

Blessed be.

Spring is Here--Sort of? Maybe? But March Definitely is!

While February is hands down my favorite month, I am elated every time March hits as well. My oldest younger sister was born in March, the mainstage work I do for Gadfly Theatre is usually in March, and while I like winter, the seasons changing in general tends to help me hit a reset button. Granted, this year the latter hasn't been quite the steady rise I had hoped, but everything else stands!

February was wonderful, busy and hectic, but wonderful. I'm still in the middle of putting together a mainstage show about queer homeless youth and victims of sexual abuse. It was my birthday month which took me out for Mexican food and my favorite drag show with so many of my favorite people. That Pisces energy is hitting me pretty hard though, especially in light of the New Moon and eclipse and everything else. My PTSD is having some issues, but I'm also working through some emotions positively too. I'm a lot more in touch with my sensitive Pisces soul than I have been in a long time. I don't feel the need to play tough anymore, and I'm ready for real again--real feelings, real relationships, real, deep love of all types. I find myself welling up out of joy and gratitude AND fear and sadness at least a few times a day, but I'm letting myself have and experience that even though I've been trying to shove it down for the past couple of years.

Other things I've been up too:

• Tarot Stuff: I've got this really short but powerful mini e-book for sale. It hasn't quite gotten the attention I'd hoped for, but everyone who has snagged one has loved it--so maybe you want to be one of those people? I'm still down at Eye of Horus on Wednesdays, and come April I'll be picking up Sundays too! After letting a good friend crash with us for a few months because of some work hubbub, I have my at home tarot studio back! I also got to read for some of the absolute cutest, sweetest people this month, saw a small boom in my e-mail business, and am talking to a few potential students for my newly revamped coaching package. See my services page to grab your own slot in any of that! I also had new headshots taken! Wheee!
• Writing Round-Up! I really love some of what I did on the blog this month--plus the aforementioned e-book. My favorites beyond that are here and here. Additionally, some Queering the Tarot goodness--the Ten of Wands and Knight of Wands on different sites showed up, as usual. I also got to highlight one of my very favorite artists and get more insight from what drives her. I also got to research, write, and explore the beginning and growth of ball culture in the U.S. for Gadfly's latest Drunk Queer History. Even though a drunk storyteller doesn't quite get word perfect, I was really pleased with how it came out.
• Theatre (and beyond): In addition to the hinted at work above with Gadfly (see our site for more), I'm in a WTF improv class at Huge Theater right now. I was absolutely terrified and super caught up in "OH MY GODS WHAT AM I DOING?" But I wanted a foundation to improve my storytelling, the quick one-minute play style of theater I love doing so much, and even just to learn some new tricks as an instructor and director. All of that happened and is happening, but I, um, think I've been bitten by this improv bug I was warned about...
• Life Outside of Work! (That's a thing, sort of?): Because this has been a pretty emotional month, I'm a little all over the place in terms of goals like "reading a book a week" and doing things like squad hangs, but I had a few fun adventures. My birthday party at Lush was one of the most fun nights I've had in months, and I'm so grateful for the people in my life and that Lush like, exists and does such wonderful LGBTQ+ nightlife.
  • Favorite things I read: Tell My Horse: Voodoo and Life in Haiti and Jamaica by Zora Neale Hurston has lots of rich myth and culture about the oft misaligned voodoo. It reads as easily as any of her other work too. I also devoured Octavia's Brood, a speculative fiction collection inspired by Octavia Butler, mostly writers from marginalized communities. 
  • Favorite Things I Watched: Moonlight winning the Oscar for Best Picture was SO SO important to me. And that's the part I choose to focus on. Swiss Army Man was even weirder than I anticipated. I loved it.
  • Other Things I Loved: My hair went even bolder in it's purple, blue, and teal glory this time and I loooove it. Two of my best friends are obsessed with these tiny hands and overly large hands and any time they get broken out to play it's a good time. I finally tried Glam Doll NE thanks to some birthday fun, and they have some unique to that branch flavors and this ridiculous couch (pictured below) that I'm in love with. My brother sent me this deck for my birthday. It's stunning. I also worked some pretty hardcore magick this month (hence the first photo).

I have big goals for March: one event is down, but I have And Then They Fell opening. I want to get a second e-book, this one a little more substantial up. I have a couple of new regular series that will hit. And I'm determined to make it to a few shows I'm not directly involved with, in spite of the time crunch. And I can't wait to officially add a few decks to my repertoire, mostly this week or next: the Fairy Lights, Modern Spellcaster's, and eventually the Slow Holler (right now I feel really personally connected to the deck and using it elsewhere feels weird, but I do know it well enough by now), to be specific. I'm also pretty interested in a web overhaul but not promising that within the month.

Until then, blessed be! Feel free to share your own adventures. Love y'all.

Tiny Bursts of Bliss + A Whole Lotta Internet Love

What's up, witches?

Today what's taking up a lot of space in my brain amidst all the infuriated screaming and desires to "burn it all down" even if I'm not sure what "it" is is this: how important for centering yourself finding those moments that 99% of us do have in the day that are pure bliss and totally take us out of the otherwise agitated state we all live in right now. It can feel really selfish to incorporate things that make us so happy into our lives, but it's not, at all. For starters, what the hell are we even fighting for if we jump ahead of our oppressors in shoving our own happiness away? Second of all, nothing has made me feel as calm, centered, and ready to fight as the moments of contentedness and true happiness I'm able to steal away.

Earlier this week I had an awful stomach virus and my queerplatonic partner honestly took such ridiculously good care of me. I somehow felt so pampered and loved as I couldn't even keep water down. There were moments even then that I felt "oh, man, this is really, really what love looks like. It looks overwhelmingly like ginger beer and ritz crackers and so many hours of Friends reruns and picking up refills of Zofran, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." When the bug cleared I had the clarity and motivation to get lots of good tarot, writing, and stuff around the house done.

Example two: I have felt so scattered lately. I can't focus for more than a few moments here and there to save my life. I'm so angry about Standing Rock and trans kids not being able to use the right restrooms and 900,000 other things, and it's easy to spiral into a place of "nothing I can do from here matters anyway." In my little microcosm, I have about 75 things that really need done EVERY DAY and that's really overwhelming when you're coming off of sickness AND super invested in turning this sinking ship around somehow. Somehow I ended up curled up in a ball in my favorite oversized chair, a luxury I never knew I needed until I got one, with my window open. A really beautiful, cleansing breeze was blowing through and my giant orange cat (my absolute favorite breed, though I love my long haired brown babby just as much) was purring beside me and all of a sudden I thought "holy hell, this is a really beautiful moment." I was so happy for a few minutes, and when I came out of it and back to reality, I was able to steadily make deadlines for often important work all day. Those moments matter. They matter as much as a good night's sleep and drinking plenty of fluids for fighting this nonsense, and they matter for your own life.

Also I had some new headshots and stuff taken and some of them are pretty cute if I do say so myself! Done by Lauren Erchul in Minneapolis.

Now here's a really terrible segue into some rad stuff OTHER people wrote that piqued my interests this month:

From the "I just had a birthday, you know" gimme-gimme files.

Tarot Spreads and Other Such Treats: Stuff I should probably actually do/ A spread for making tough decisions/

A thing my non-queer-lady roommate probably wishes I hadn't found.

Theatre nerdery: I already posted the Angels in America oral history that I'm in love with, and a friend was kind enough to send me this one of Rent. I've been an unabashed Rent-head my entire adult life but even I found out some new stuff!/Why arts funders must protect marginalized communities (and how they can)/A hard but important read on arts funding and where it's going. TL;DR: support your local small peeps (hint, hint)

Birthday goodies: Seven questions to ask for your birthday every year. Really lovely, important self-care to treat yourself with every year!

Notes for the Revolution: Acts of rebellion you're probably already doing (but please do big things too!)/A REALLY important piece about institutional racism and how calling your city a Sanctuary City is really, really not enough/An examination of how using trans inclusion as a marketing scheme is actually not that great (shocking I know)/Why White America Demonizes Black Lives Matter/A beautiful conversation about Sandra Bland/Language matters--here's how to replace accidentally transphobic language./On reclaiming queer historical space/How to prep for a protest, and what to do if things do go south.

Writers on Writing: Unironically one of my favorite topics. Here Alex Franzen encourages us to tell our stories even when we feel we can't./An oldie but goodie: a Brand quiz to see how you should be focusing your business or freelance work

RadQueer Witch Stuff: I'm so blessed to have friends like J.Ryan who broach topics even I'm afraid to take on sometimes. This one is on the damage well-intending Pagans can cause to queer (and other) marginalized people/Not queer, definitelyprogressive: how things have changed for tarot readers in this political climate/The best spell collection I have ever seen/On being a witch in Trump's America

General Witch Stuff: Some of my favorite Chani Nicholas to date/A simple, sweet luggage spell for safe travel/Healing magick from a witch who's work is always on point

Just Because: I geek out about new life forms being found, and this one has a huge crystal bonus!/NOT A DRILL: Ancient Egyptian texts being translated in English for first time. I'm beside myself./Queer Appalachian art and literature (plus how to help!)/Some amazing work by queer women of color, for queer women of color

Mental Health and All That Jazz: Phone anxiety? Me too. This has some good insights./Apparently some trauma survivors MAY cope by overworking (looks around guiltily, hides under rock.)

Where I've Been: I've gotten some good stuff on this blog this month. My favorite is here + nab my mini e-book on Tarot for Healing here. I've covered some of my favorite artists over here (plus more on the way yet this month!) AND one of my favorites put me in her Tea Time Reading this month!

OH AND ONE MORE THING: IT'S COMING!!!

Blessed be y'all!

I Guess I'm 32 Now: A Pisces Reawakening

Birthdays are so weird for me. Most of my life I was the kid who invited the whole class to her party and only saw a handful of kids show up. This is in addition to other life circumstances hitting a head around the same time all the time and ultimately every year I end up panicking and heading into a downward spiral of low self-esteem and imposter syndrome about a week before and after the day. I'd like to tell you that I've overcome this cycle and now birthdays are fully a time of rejoicing and carousing, but I like to keep things authentic around here. What I will say is that in spite of my normal feels, I had a wonderful time getting Mexican food, drinks, and taking in some drag with a bunch of my closest friends, and that I was also genuinely touched to receive so many cards by snail mail (after friends were prompted by my queerplatonic partner, a sheer act of love on their part and so sweet of everyone to play along).

Now that I'm another year wiser (ha!) this is what I'm looking forward to manifesting and embracing this year: growth, healing and a stronger conviction to releasing my control over specific outcomes. However, as I do a buttload of reflecting (official New Age term, I promise ;) ) on entering Pisces season, being a Pisces with a Pisces Moon and a rising cancer, it's really important to me that I re-embrace the giant sea of water that I am again. I basically changed my entire life a few years ago, releasing that last bout of toxic friendships and jobs and being left with nothing to fall back on, financially or in terms of emotional support. It was hard, and at the time I thought maybe I'm being really stupid. But I did it, and I'm so glad. I've rebuilt my life, yet again, which is a Pisces trait but this time I want to do it all for real. I rebuilt a house with more walls and locks than windows or doors, and though I have loved just as freely, I have repressed nearly everything else as I paved my way to a new life. Fast forward four years and I have some of the most supportive friends and clients in the universe, and my writing and theatre and tarot practice have taken on a brilliant, magickal life of their own. Yet I so often sit in the center of this whirlpool denying the emotion it takes to do the work I do, and in denying my sensitive sea creature soul, I repress it. I don't want to do that anymore. There has to be a line between sobbing every day and entering yet another codependent relationship and keeping even those close to me outside of the walls I've built. I know there's a balance. I know there's a line. I've seen it, and I know what it looks like--and now it's time. It's time to rule with my heart and intuition, knowing that logic and brute strength are always there to fall back on, to stop trying to be tough and just be me.

I got drunk on my birthday. This would probably not be a notable event to almost anyone reading this. But because of how I behaved in front of ex-friends the last time I got drunk (and because of how they treated me after), I have only ever allowed myself a couple of cocktails (at most) in public since. This is not only notable, it is was a sign even to myself that allowing myself to be uninhibited (which of course you do not need alcohol for but for me this act was linked to a years long pattern of never letting my guard down) was long overdue. Do you know what new, amazing friends and artistic collaborators said the next day after such a brazen display of being vulnerable and very, very silly in public? That they had a great time at my party and hoped I had the best birthday ever. Not actually what I expected or had gotten used to at all. It's amazing what the right people in your life will do, and in truth, I know they've always seen me for the traumatized, hurt, overly emotional highly sensitive fish that I am. They've loved me for it all along, sometimes even begging to see it as I have insisted I am some sort of land bull or something. So this year, as my gift to myself and everyone I love, I am actually going to live as a Pisces and (gasp) even show it to people sometimes.

If you're also a Pisces babe: Happy Birthday! I love you deeply and cosmically, and everyone reading take note: this should be a time of love, whimsy, and deep healing and connection with self for ALL. The Sun in Pisces means for the next few weeks, we all learn how to swim in our deepest waters together.

Blessed be, y'all.

Tarot for Healing: An E-Book by ME!

Hello all!

I am involved in a really wonderful, beautiful project to benefit a crucial and timely organization. For it, I wrote a mini e-book (about 8 pages) about Tarot for Healing. It's three spreads, plus some pretty significant backstory about how I came to tarot. I'm really happy with it, and while I wait for the big project to unveil decided to make it available for $10--and because my heart really was in a giving place when I wrote it, 25% of all funds received ($2.50 per e-book) is going to be donated to Standing Rock.

*Deck featured is the Tangled Roots Oracle by Leora Effinger-Weintraub.

How to Know if This is the E-Book for You
I did write this publication with individual trauma and grief in mind, but my life dealing with chronic illness filtered in too. If you have experience or concerns in any of those areas, OR if you have clients, friends, or partners you're always trying to better your readings for, this is definitely, definitely for you. It's also a great book for beginner and intermediate tarot readers looking for some different spreads and thoughts about what tarot can do.

Included in this Mini (but mighty) E-Book

• My own backstory about tarot, trauma, and coming out of the closet and how they all correlate.
• A spread for when you're still in the thick of a bad situation
• A spread for processing grief, trauma, and even physical setbacks
• A spread for when YOU are doing alright, but you're fave loved one? Not so much
• Full color photos and sample readings of each spread

The Catch?
No catch! I will likely take sales of this product down once the major project launches, so you are on a bit of a vague but very real time crunch. Otherwise you'll get a (hopefully) lovely product by me and know that part of the money goes to support the water protectors at Standing Rock.

My technology is in a bit of a weird place, so we're going to use a streamlined by very old-school style of internet sales. To order this Tarot for Healing Mini E-book:

• Send an email to snow.cassandra@gmail.com with the subject line "Tarot for Healing Order".
  • The body of the email should include your name, pronouns, and whether I have your permission to add you to my email newsletter or not.
  • The body of the email should also include how you plan to pay: PayPal, Venmo, and Square are your options. If you live in driving distance of NE Minneapolis, you may swing by my apartment building with cash during the weekday (except Tuesday) but that's not preferred. At all.
• Once I send you my payment details via your preferred method, send your payment. You will receive your copy of the e-book within mere hours! (Give me a full day in case I'm slammed, but otherwise I can hit "attach" and "send" rather quickly.)
• That's it! Enjoy! If you fall super in love with it and want to send a testimonial or review, please do. Otherwise, I leave you to the book's treasures.

Blessed be, y'all!

Hell Yes or No, Thanks: Some Musings + A Spread for Clarity

*Please note, cats are not relevant. Just adorable.

I read an obscene amount of, well, everything. Books, blogs, news, cereal boxes. I say this to say that I take in a HUGE amount of information, and yes, many of those are self-help books, business advice blogs, or all of the above directly related to the metaphysical, writing itself, or theatre. Yet for as well-read on the subject of success as I am, there are countless days that no matter how many times by how many important people I am told to do certain things (IE traditional networking, refusing to barter, or applying for every opportunity) that I just can not bring myself to do things the "right way". Maybe it's because the corporation who runs a giving foundation's ethics are far and away from what my grassroots theatre company believes in. Maybe it's because undercutting my competition AND setting prices inaccessibly feel equally icky to me. Or maybe it's because I'm rocking this three-or-more chronic illness life the best way I know how and I can not physically be "out there" as much as recommended. Or maybe it's because all of us are bombarded every day with a million choices of all sizes, and as much as we'd like to, saying yes to all of them is overwhelming at best and dangerous to ourselves at worst.

Still, even in forgoing a lot of advice, I live in a beautiful three bedroom apartment in an evolving part of a substantial mid-sized city with two spoiled cats and all the gourmet coffee I can handle. This is all paid for by my tarot and writing (and occasionally my art) even though I do not do every "right" thing and yes, actively choose to do things the "wrong" way sometimes. Everything I do at this stage of my life is incredibly intentional. I know firsthand how easy it is to just get in the habit of saying yes, and until I started really doing these gut checks we're about to talk about, I too ended up embarking on even major projects or ventures that I had no real desire to be in. I've known many people who've spent years saving up for something only to realize they didn't even want it that bad. Or who built a career and realized they hated their daily routine even if they loved their field. Or who looked at their calendar and realized they've been sleeping with someone who bores them out of their mind for eight months. (!!!)

Like anything else, there's a million different ways to address these various crossroads, and my way may not work for you at all. When I work with clients, however, and when I'm at a crux myself, I navigate all of these decisions from innocuous social life dilemmas to major life changes with two painfully simple questions. These are, in my experience, the ONLY questions most need to ask themselves when faced with basically any choice.  Before we start looking at that though, decision making usually requires getting into a good headspace first. I rarely recommend making decisions in the heat of the moment unless you are 1000% sure of the upcoming questions (though that does happen) immediately. So instead of pushing yourself to decide right then, wait until your next batch of meditation/prayer/solo time,  and take several deep, calming breaths. Clear your mind completely. If you need to light incense, pull your cat into your lap, or cover yourself in Florida Water, do that. Once calm, think about the choice or opportunity in front of you. Then ask yourself these two questions--and only these two questions.

"First of all, is this opportunity even possible?" This question is so simple but often goes unchecked. When anything comes your way and you're interested enough to consider it though, this is a necessary step. "Can I do this?" HOWEVER, it is so so crucial that we do not confuse that for either "Can I do this easily?" OR "If I rearrange my whole life including everything that's important to me, is this technically possible?" This step can and should include your emotional and spiritual reality, and shouldn't drain your savings (unless you're really, really okay with that) or uproot everything you hold sacred. Sometimes you can't say yes, as rad as it would be, and it's best to just quit here and not get ahead of yourself. Do I have whims where I think "sell all your name brand clothes and move to a shack in the desert and read tarot on a Pay What You Can basis?" Of course I do. Can I actually do that without losing the things most important to me or with everything going on with my health? Um, no. So I indulge the fantasy for a bit, and move on. Alternatively, my theatre company reached an impasse about the best way to grow last fall when the issue of securing our own venue came up. It was a big change, but with some creative restructing and a hard commitment to marketing rentals when we weren't using the space, we realized this could be done, and we're much happier now than we were two years ago.

If you get through that step and it turns out you CAN do the thing that's been suggested or offered to you, the next question is even more obvious, but we do so, so often getting bogged down in habit or people-pleasing. The next (and final) question is, of course, "Do I WANT to do this?" Clients are often shocked at how quickly they don't even need the cards to make the decision if I start by questioning their own desires or motives towards a choice. Usually when you quietly, earnestly ask yourself if you WANT to do the thing, the answer comes screaming into your gut with a pretty fierce strength. In the above examples, no, I don't actually want to give up coffee shops on every corner for that quiet (and hot) of a life. But I did desperately want a home for my theatre company to root in. I didn't realize how much I wanted that until I asked if I wanted it. That check in brought into fruition wants, needs, and determination I didn't even know I had, making it one of the most formative things I did last year.

What about the times you get stuck though? What if you know you truly, desperately need this opportunity but it really doesn't seem possible? Or what if you don't actually know what the question is--you know your business needs to evolve in some way but you aren't sure what that looks like? And of course, what if you have absolutely no actual idea if you can do or even want this? That's is, as it so often is, where the tarot comes in.

                         *Featuring the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot from Llewellyn.*

This a really simple spread that can be adjusted to be more specific. In this case, let's look at a sample question that has no bearing on my life right now, so I'm not inclined to overpersonalize things. Our sample question is: "Should I spend the money/time/energy to take this class?"

The first row is the "CAN I" row. The first card is "As it stands now, can I take this class?" The Devil is a rough one to get right out of the gate. Traditional tellings would say no, this class is a distraction or a temptation. If you read the queer/modern/non-Christian version of the Devil though, it could be a necessary indulgence. It could throw you off your immediate track temporarily, but that's likely a good thing. So the rest of this row becomes important. The middle card shows us what needs to change or move to make the thing possible. You WILL get cards that show heartbreak or negativity here, in which case across the board this is likely a no. In our sample case though, we got the King of Cups. Things actually can be moved in the direction of you taking this hypothetical class. In this case, you might need to actually speak with or reach out to someone who has taken the class who cares about and supports you, or you might need to reach out to the instructor if there are any bureaucratic issues with getting into the class. In any case, dig deep and find your own creative prowess and love of the subject--that's what's going to make the difference. The last card in this row, that Page of Cups, shows what's already working in favor of you making this choice. In this case, a base knowledge, a love of the subject, and an encouragement towards indulgence all give you something to grab on to should you move forward.

The second row is the "Do I want this?" row. Again, we start with a basic yes/or no for the first card. With the Queen of Cups there's a definite argument that you've actually wanted this for awhile, but are trying to play it cool and not get your heart set on it. The middle card shows us why you're having some blocks understanding your desires. The three of cups shows us that you might've been let down by group settings before, or that you might often deny yourself happiness or growth or camaraderie in this area of your life. The third card in this row shows us what you truly want. This is the heart of why you're considering this. It shows a desire not being nurtured. In this case, the Queen of Wands, there's a true passion for whatever subject the class is in, and a need to do something independent of your squad/partner/kids. This card is crucial because if at the end of this spread your answer is no, THIS card tells you where to go and what you need to pull into your life.

That final card on the side shows the final word on the matter. This is the make or break card, that sums up whether you should do the thing at hand. Obviously with a King of Pentacles here this non-existent class is a loud, clamorous, resounding yes--and the card has it's own reasons (Invest in yourself! Root in your community! Master a thing!) but it also takes everything else in the spread into account.

At the end of this entire process--whether you needed the spread or not, you should be left with one of two options: a hearty "hell yes" that gets your eyes big and your heart racing, or a polite but firm "no, thanks though." I live my entire life by this philosophy, and it's how I manage multiple careers that I love, a solid social life in spite of being deeply introverted and socially anxious, and a profound love of free-spiritedness and life itself. I get stuck though, and know we all do--so use the hell out of this spread (but please credit me if you write about it or repost) and feel free to let me know how any of your crossroads shake out when you do!

Blessed be, y'all!

We Are All Fledglings Now

Some of this you've already seen if you follow me on Instagram, but as I continue on my path learning the Slow Holler tarot, and as things around us seemingly dissolve into Chaos, I am pulling the Fledgling much more than I ever pull the Fool, and much more than I did when I first got the deck.

First though, about the Slow Holler: this is a deeply spiritual tarot deck, rooted in Southern and queer identity, and I've truly relished my time getting to know it. It was collaboratively drawn and written by several different artists, and it takes me right back to my early days of tarot and witchery when there was this constant sense of spiritual power right underneath my feet. It's also deeply concerned and enlightening regarding two other things that have shaped the very core of who I am: trauma, and the fight for the collective. Grab your copy here. It's so, so worth it.

As this card starting coming up with unusual frequency for me, my initial thoughts were as such: the Fledgling is the Slow Holler's take on the classic Fool card, but a fledgling is not the same as a fool. They are both starting journeys, but whereas the Fool's optimism comes from a sense of naivety or a childlike fearlessness, the Fledgling's cautious optimism comes because they know that while now is a time for bravery, it doesn't mean you won't fail. It simply means you will find your feet again if you do and grow from there. The Fledgling does a lot more feeling for firm ground and a lot less running towards cliffs, but they still charge ahead into the unknown. The Fool is starting a journey and the Fledgling is starting something more. We don't know what yet. The Fledgling doesn't know what yet. But as the events of this week plunge us equally into determination and uncertainty, there is no clearer metaphor for the role of an activist right now. You will flounder, and you will not be sure, and you may lose. But you will regroup, and you will get your land legs back, and you will do great things again.

It feels like the lessons of the Fledgling were clear to me. Take chances. I am learning the lay of a new land, so be careful, but be brave. The card keeps coming up and keeps coming back to me though, and today as I pulled it even for my daily draw on my Instagram it finally hit me. The world at large is the priority right now, but it's not the only thing that exists. Our microcosms are still here, supporting us, loving us, empowering us. Yet in our daily lives, we still hold back. If there was ever a time to not though--this is it. What if instead of keeping your creative power tightly wrapped around your intellect you completely unfurled it and let it take over your current project? What if instead of finishing your routine to-do list you took two days a week to scrap it to work the big, scary projects instead? What if instead of keeping our heart so tightly in your chest you said "screw what everyone else thinks," ripped it out and let it bleed your power and love all over everyone you care about? We don't know what tomorrow's going to look like anymore--and maybe there's a lesson here in how we never really did. So why wait? Why hold back? Why sit and wonder and wish instead of doing? We are coming back from marches and meetings so on fire--use that. Use it. Use it. Use it.

The Fledgling wants us to be an activist, an advocate, an ally, to be as queer and brazen as we have it in us to be right now, but everyone I know is doing that. I have seen an outpour of collective action that I never anticipated, people who argued with me about marches inviting me to them now, and that's amazing. That's wonderful.  The Fledgling has more to say though, because this is a new world, and everything we know is upside down. Yet, for now, at least, life still goes on. What does it mean to work and create in this new world? And my god, can you imagine what love could be in this new world? The Fledgling is screaming at us to let go, let loose, right now, and find out. Because if we let go and spread these wings we think are so small, we just might find out how close we are to flying.

Blessed be.

HEY MY BLOG SEEMS TO WORK AGAIN

Just some happy cards about love and creation and stuff from the Wild Unknown tarot.

Hey all!

I had so many blog ideas this month and Squarespace was like "nah, you don't actually need into your website." It's finally back up though, so many, many thanks to those who sent healing or "get your act together" vibes to my website. I will obviously have more to say later, but in the meantime:

• I am still enrolling private coachees who want to learn the tarot in a way that allows for hyper-personalization, quick learning of new decks acquired, and favors YOU over traditional images and keywords that may mean nothing to you. $50 a session, three months commitment required. Lots of homework.
• Starting in February my standard hours are shifting. I will only be at the Eye of Horus Wednesdays 3-9 (and occasional substitutions), and I will be reading at my own studio 12-5 on Mondays and Thursday-Sundays.
• In any case, email snow.cassandra@gmail.com for lessons, email readings, or appointments, and follow me here, here, or here for lots of tarot and solopreneur info. Newsletter sign-up is here and I only hit you up once a month unless something really awesome (or terrible) is happening.

So good to be able to post again. I should have a few things on TheColu.mn later this month as well as a new-to-Little-Red-peeps Queering the Tarot next week. Until next time!

Cassandra

A New Moon, A New Year, and Getting Clarity Via Tarot

Hello all!

I'm pretty stoked to be ending 2016 high on New Moon energy, and not just an New Moon, but one meant for intention setting and helping you build confidence to make big changes in your life. I like to get that ball rolling with a tarot spread or seven (surprise, surprise), and am always amazed by the clarity after. New Year's Tarot has the potential to be some of your most solid work of the year, and I'm happy to share steps to get the best New Year's Reading possible. I've done this post "choose your own adventure" style so you can personalize it based on where you are in your processing, as opposed to specific spreads or step by step instructions. 

1. To start, do you know what this year has taught you? Through all of it's ups and downs, do you know what you're supposed to be leaving behind and bringing with you?
   1. If yes, great! Just pull a card or two to see if you're missing anything. Pull an extra card if you need advice on getting over some humps you know you should be getting over but are a little stuck.
   2. If no, never fear! I recommend a very simple four card spread like the one below. The four placements indicate "What is the biggest lesson and takeaway from this year?", "What am I supposed to leave in 2016?", "What am I supposed to to take with me into 2017," and a final card for "What is the best action I can take to ensure I wrap all of this up neatly over the next week or two?
       

More on this deck here.

1. Next, do you know what you want out of 2017? Are you a goal-oriented person who has been climbing steadily, or is comfortable with where you landed during setbacks that you're still pretty sure of what you want?
   1. If yes, great! You can either skip this step, or pull a few cards to boost your confidence, asking the deck if you're right about your path, and if everything is in order or good to go as you move through the work of the year.
   2. If not, that's great too. You get to have some fun. I recommend pulling anywhere between one and three cards, asking the deck as you shuffle what your goals and motivations should be for the year.
   3. If you're somewhere in between, you know what you personally but not professionally, spiritually but not in terms of mundane bucket list items, or any combination or split of these things, I recommend pulling two to four cards, asking the deck as you shuffle "beyond my goals regarding ____, what else should I be focusing on or building throughout the upcoming year?"
      
       
2. Now that your goals and intentions are more focused for the 12 months ahead, I recommend Beth Maiden's post on spreads and cards that help with planning. I also recommend just picking a number of steps (at least three, probably no more ten) and laying those out to see what those steps look like. If your goals are in different areas of your life, because this is a practical spread, it probably won't exhaust you to do as many as you need based on the number of life areas you have goals in.
    
3. Finally, it's tarot! It is innately a spiritual and mysterious source of insight, so your Divine and your deck may have a COMPLETELY different set of information to give you. You still have some choices on how to approach this based on how you like to read.
   1. If you read predictively, or are open to it, lay out four cards. The question to keep in mind while shuffling is "What can I expect from this year?" I use the four to represent the seasons, so I read how the energy and events featured may shift naturally as the seasons move. If you're super eager, go ahead and do 12 to represent the zodiac signs or the months, depending on your preference.
   2. If you don't, just ask the cards what else you need to know about the transition from year to year, and what you need to know about yourself and life in 2017. Pull as many cards as you think feels right, but make sure you determine the number beforehand, as you're shuffling. I strongly, strongly recommend doing this Face Up style. Siobhan is a genius, and you will be so surprised by what you end up telling yourself about the year ahead.

That's it! Kind of a lot, I know, and you can and should move through this as often as you need to in as many ways as you need too. I do recommend starting tonight, in spite of the short notice, but you certainly have some wiggle room with both moon phases (that vibe lasts awhile) and New Year's Day (time is a construct anyway) so take your time. Take. Your. Time. Allow yourself the comfort of not rushing intentions and goals so they come from a genuine, pure place, and know that anything can change course if you will it too, no matter what this reading may say. Your life is yours. Your year is yours. The cards just want to help you make it so.

Blessed be, loves.

In Which I Discuss Carrie Fisher, Geek Idolatry, and Dark Senses of Humor

There are a handful of people who I regularly quote and who's strength, endurance, vibrance, and stake in one or more of my big identity markers cause me to completely geek out and idolize them with an ecstatic frenzy usually reserved for coffee and my cats. Carrie Fisher was one such woman, those identity markers being "feminist" and "geek," and I can honestly say that this is the first celebrity death of the year to bring me to my knees. Maybe it's because of my level of idolatry. Maybe it's because in a year when Trump won, losing such a fierce woman who was also such an advocate for mental illness, and who is most often seen as a feminist character who fights a rebellion against a fascist regime seems extra harsh. Maybe I have just had my fill of this year and this latest blow has finally broken me.

In any case, I am devastated. Though in the Star Wars universe I have always seen myself more as a Han than a Leia, I have admired and idolized and wished I was as strong as Leia literally my entire life. She was one of my first clear ideas of what being a fierce, fighting femme in a man's world was like, and so much of my radical politic is shaped by the movement Leia is the heart and soul of. When I was eight years old Princess Leia made me realize that when things are wrong, you fight against them no matter what you lose in the process. I am not tough or brave enough to identify as a Princess Leia, and I certainly don't think I could ever do what General Organa goes on to do. That's okay--we all are who we are, and even if I don't feel up to her caliber of power, the end result is the same for me as it was for so many others: Fisher's portrayal of Leia Organa gave me a strength and a toughness and a bravery to strive for before I was old enough to understand the necessity of those traits, and before anyone could have predicted their relevance in our political climate.

But of course, Carrie Fisher is not just Princess Leia. Carrie Fisher is also the woman who wrote a couple of memoirs that featured her alcoholism and bipolar disorder--two struggles of my mom's that, at the time of my reading them, had driven quite a wedge between my mother and I. My mother is a spectacular person. She is the definition of living unconditional love and acceptance. She is kind to everyone and cares deeply about anyone who's ever entered her world. (She regularly asks how my childhood friends or their parents are doing, even though she hasn't heard from any of them in years and years). She has also been incredibly ill in ways that have wounded me deeply on and off throughout my whole life. When I read Fisher's memoirs, I saw my mom's humanity and struggle in a way that I could not have before, and I saw my mom not only as "very nice but very sick", but as strong and as a survivor of a terrible situation. I wouldn't call our relationship perfect or even repaired, but it's repairing, and I get it now. And I largely get it because of Fisher's openness about her own mental illness in a time when no one was being open about that, at all.

Then there's the parts of Carrie Fisher I do see myself in. My life hasn't been easy, and I don't see my survival as brave. It's just what happened. But I do give myself credit for developing this dark, lovely, weirdly whimsical sense of fun and humor somewhere along the way, and Carrie Fisher's interviews and memoirs that also made jokes about her disorder and struggles were a breath of fresh air when I was getting diagnosed and starting my early treatments for PTSD. She was also a good, fun person by all accounts, (like these for example), and didn't let anything she was going through slow her down. I hope everyone remembers that as much as they remember Leia's influence or even Fisher's feminism or writing and advocacy for mental illness. Because laughter is important, and she brought it everywhere she went, and even if we can never be the fighter Leia is or the advocate Fisher is, we can be the person who works to make people feel safe and happy no matter where we are. That's just as valid a a legacy, and one I hope doesn't get lost.

If you're having a lot of trouble coping with this and don't know what to do beyond "watch Star Wars and cry", I strongly suggest the aforementioned books, as well as this amazing, stupidly good comics series.

Blessed be, rebels.

Quiet Times at the Blog

Photo credit: http://www.melissahessephotography.com/

Hello all! I know I've been so quiet lately that I even missed doing my end of month wrap-up, but I assure you it's because I've been hard at work at tarot events, running theatre events, and perhaps with a surprise or two up my sleeve over the next few weeks. In the meantime, here's some things to be aware of:

• I still have a handful of gift certificates left for the holiday season! Any size reading, e-mail or in person, AND if you buy three or more, YOU get a free basic e-mail or 15 minute in person reading!
• I can take a few students for my 3.5 month coaching sessions starting in January.
• There's definitely a special going on for newsletter peeps. Sign up here to read back issues and see for yourself!
• Mercury retrograde is coming, so I can't promise I'm turning this blog ship around and back into sturdy waters, but I have missed it!

In the meantime, if you're still looking for gifts, check out the actual gift guide I did write here.

Blessed be!