Tarot for Anyone,Self-care

Reading for Chronic Physical Illness Vs. Mental Illness in the Tarot

edit 5.jpg

One great thing about being my patron is that pretty often I’ll ask my patrons what they want to hear me talk about. As I am very open and public about both both mentally and physically ill, one such patron requested an easy guide for telling the difference between physical and mental illness in the tarot and I thought that was a GREAT idea, so here we are!

I want to offer a huge, giant disclaimer to start with though:

I’m not a doctor, and none of this is meant to be perceived as medical advice. Furthermore, everyone’s journey with the tarot is different. The following advice comes only from MY experiences being sick and working with the tarot.

That being said, I have developed some very quick “go to” ways to see what the cards are talking about when they bring up illness or injury.

One HUGE thing I’ve done is gone through and assigned keywords that correlate to my various illnesses to the cards I think they fit the most. In my personal tarot journal, I have the Four of Cups listed as “depression” and the Five of Wands as “arthritis flareup.” I have enough cards assigned to various illnesses that if I’m asking about my day/week/month/etc. pulling those specific cards gives me a VERY solid head’s up on what to expect that day/week/month/etc. sickness wise.

11850553_838909752891889_8576776601205820534_o.jpg

(As a side note, I STRONGLY recommend making your own tarot keyword list in addition to the one that comes with your deck, my slightly more radical approach to a keyword list, or anything else you might’ve purchased or acquired to help you learn your cards. Developing your own keyword list IS work. It requires looking at your cards individually and in spreads, and sussing them each down to 3 or 4 words or quick phrases each. It’s so, so, so worth it though. It deepens your relationship with your cards and makes your readings moving forward so much more personal. In doing this, you can ABSOLUTELY add in your own illnesses or worries for certain cards.)

If you’re starting from scratch or have a new deck and want to know where you might start looking, I GENERALLY use this guide to guide my health readings. ALWAYS trust your own knowledge and intuition over someone else’s though.

  • If a lot of WANDS show up in your reading: wands are fight and fire. When you get to know your deck you’ll see that so often the negative Wands cards indicate internal conflict and turning your anger inwards. For this reason I use Wands to denote autoimmune disorders most often.

  • PENTACLES represent Earth. They can also represent the human body itself. For this reason, in a health reading or a general reading where sickness is indicated I usually read these as a physical illness that is debilitating but not permanent. This could be the flu, or a sprain, or anything like that. Pentacles do heal and I think that’s an important difference here.

  • Both SWORDS and CUPS can indicate mental illness or trauma reactions if they show up frequently in a reading. Generally I read Swords as chronic mental illness like Depression or Generalized Anxiety Disorder or Bipolar Disorder (which I don’t have but am intimately aware of). There will be ups and downs but you can’t cure these things. You can manage them, but a flareup is still horrendous and will still happen on occasion.

  • I tend to read an overflow of CUPS as being more about the emotional side of mental illness. My Avoidant Personality Disorder can be cured. My PTSD can be cured. (I mean they won’t be until I find a new therapist, but theoretically they CAN be cured. They can CERTAINLY become more manageable in a way that chronic mental illness often can not.) I usually find these things then in the Cups which are about both emotions and healing.

  • The MAJOR ARCANA are not fun if they come up in a reading about health. On a smaller scale, they represent the health things that come with aging and are therefore inevitable. You’re going to get your mom’s bad eyesight and your dad’s weak knees and you can’t stave it off forever no matter how many carrots you eat. Unfortunately, a lot of times the Majors warn us about big, bad life-changing illnesses. If you do a reading about your health and get a ton of Majors, you might want to hit up your doctor ASAP, especially if they’re negatively aspected.

20180501_192751.jpg

All of the above are told from the lens of the idea that you’re doing a reading and you know that there are some health problems. This information is only meant to help you isolate the problem so you know where to start working from. If you are healthy and all of your cards in a health reading are positive, don’t sweat it! You’re probably fine! If you have been on a healing journey to manage chronic illness and you feel like things are pretty well under control and you get a bunch of cards about peace regardless of the suit, than that’s great! You’re doing great!

Another great way to check in on your health is to simply create a spread that addresses specific body parts or chronic illnesses.

If I’m worried about an arthritic winter and the emotional fallout of being isolated because it’s Minnesota in winter, than I’ll do a two card spread to see what the cards say. I take those at face value—scrap everything I said above. If I pull a 5 of Pentacles in the one about emotion than the cards ARE confirming that I’m going to feel very lost and alone this winter. You can do as many placements as you want! I’ve also done a head to toe check in using upwards of 10 cards, each representing a part of my body or piece of my health. Don’t be shy in how many cards you use, and you can always use scraps of paper placed beside the cards to remember which body parts or illnesses you were worried about.

Always trust a doctor or therapist over the cards, and always trust your actual intuition in that whole process too. The cards can offer some great insight into what’s wrong and why though. Hopefully this primer helped. Remember though that as you grow on your own journey with your own cards, you might find totally different results than me. That’s rad! Trust that.

In the meantime, happy tarot reading and blessed be y’all!

Cassandra

From My Instagram Highlights: Tarot Tips & Tricks For Beginner's & Those Looking to Shake Up Their Practice

IMG_20190214_125125_165.jpg

Hello all!

I’ve been trying to really learn Instagram Stories and use it to help boost my tarot client and occult writing reader base and today I posted a story with some basic tarot tips and tricks that I wanted to share here as well. These are meant for TOTAL beginner’s but can absolutely be used for more seasoned readers looking to deepen their relationship with the tarot cards.

Tip #1: Tuning Into Your Intuition
Intuition is just the way your body processes and accesses information. To tune in: close your eyes, get comfy, and take a few deep breathes. Once your breathe is steady and deep, tune into how your gut,heart, and mind feel. Listen to them each for a few moments. Now you should be in tune.

Tip #2: Compare and Contrast

  • Look at the story of your tarot deck by looking at how each card changes and shifts from the one before it.

  • Pull out all of your aces at once, then your twos, threes, etc. What similarities are there? How are they different?

  • Look at decks that aren’t yours! What similarities and differences do you see in the cards?

Note these similarities and differences somewhere. Those notes can and should become a foundation for learning your tarot deck.

Tip #3: Follow Tarot Readers on Instagram! Or Watch Them On YouTube!
Seeing other readers in action is SO important to the learning process. You won’t agree with everybody’s interpretations and that’s okay. The important thing is to see how the cards are talked about and treated by others.

*Please note! It’s fine to have a favorite reader you watch or follow, but try to follow several different readers. The comparison is so important!

If you have questions for me based on this list, never fear! I am here to answer them and I am always thrilled to hear from you. I’m going to try to make my stories tarot and witch-educational on a regular basis and you can follow along here.

Finally, I have a keyword list here that is new and affordable and will help you learn the tarot through a more inclusive, sex-positive, and creative perspective. Use it alongside your Little White Book or disregard it entirely!

Blessed be y’all!

Cassandra Snow

All the Things I'm Dreaming Up For You!

Hey all,

Well we are a week into 2019 and this is my first blog post. I spent New Year’s Day being admitted into the hospital overnight because of ongoing health issues. We still don’t know what’s wrong but we’re going to figure it out. I’m home, I’m with my cats and my extremely beloved roommate, and I’m slowly easing my way into work for the year. Which means I’m off to a slow start but I’m determined to have a fantastic year in all areas of my life no matter what. So as I’m dreaming and scheming and writing I thought you might want to know what to look forward to throughout the year!

1.jpg

For starters, I am working on several pieces about tarot and/or witchcraft aimed at artists, as well as a similar set aimed at multipassionates. I will eventually teach classes on those things this year too but I have quite a year up until the end of March, and my book comes out in May so it will be after that.

I’m also really nervous but excited to bring some original content about chronic illness and mental illness and tarot & spiritual practice. I’m nervous because I don’t ever want you to think that you shouldn’t seek medical care when that’s what you need. I don’t ever want you to think that you can wish, hope, or essential oil your way out of a serious and debilitating illness. What I DO have to offer are tips, tricks, spreads and spells for aiding the rest of your care regimen and boosting your confidence to heal and make those illnesses manageable. I’m taking my time with this and I want it to be right. It may even be ambitious for this year, but certainly I’m in the planning stages.

I am literally always prepping pieces and content about using tarot as a form of healing and empowerment, collectively and individually especially for marginalized people.

In addition to a new workbook or e-zine about one of the topics listed above, I’ll also have a Tarot Keyword List for Creatives, Radicals and Other New Age Misfits coming out in the next several weeks.

Finally, I have been promising the world an essay about my journey out of restrictive (though self-imposed) Christianity and into occultism and alternative spirituality for a long time. This is just a one of essay, and may have follow up pieces with tips and tricks along your own journey. It is coming sometime this year. This journey was so rooted in seemingly unrelated trauma and my own queerness though, and untangling it all in my own brain to make it accessible and readable to you all is something else entirely.

In the meantime, I will also be continuing the work I’m already doing. Queering the Tarot articles are getting released monthly on Patreon along with scores of other goodies. The book comes out in May. My #dailytarot series runs almost daily on Instagram, alongside other tarot content and personal posts.

Thanks for following, and thanks for continuing to support my work.

Blessed be y’all,

Cassandra

A Year of Heart: My Hopes, Not Goals For the Upcoming Year

Tonight is the night, y’all. Midnight is going to strike and 2018 is DONE. I am elated, really I am. Mostly what I feel though, is tired. I am so, so tired.

For me 2018 was a year of a mild traumatic brain injury that it took me the bulk of the year to heal from, and heal is a weird word because I still get symptoms if I get sleepy or overwhelmed. My memory is not what it used to be. I am so, so, so much better than I was throughout spring and summer. I am so lucky that my brain injury was only what it was. I am still someone coping with a brain injury.

2018 was a year where I had my heart broken platonically, where some of the people closest to me were traumatized and went through really trying life experiences and transitions. This is a year that is even ending in injury and illness for some of the people closest to me.

This only scratches the surface. One of my business lives almost fell apart. There are stories that are awful that I am deeply embedded in but are not mine to tell. It is a year that I took a step backward financially (thanks to said brain injury) for the first time since I started full-time self-employment. I am ending the year back under the poverty line and that hurts given how hard I’ve worked through it all.

I am sure that I have learned lessons. I am sure that there are things I have gained. I am so grateful for the things and relationships I do have and that is always true. Normally though, at the end of the year, I do this great program and I revel in my success and reframe my failures. I think about what I learned and where I want to go. I write it all down, and I blog a lot of it. This year though, every time I’ve looked at that great journaling program and written down more goals beyond “produce plays, sell books” I have panicked. I’m not ready. I still need to take things slow. I still need to recalibrate. I am not done healing.

I am not done resting. Not even close. This is the hardest part for me. My last two years of college I slept maybe four hours a night. I had a full load of classes, directed and stage managed plays, celebrated Sabbats with the few other Pagans on campus, and pulled a struggling GPA from my previous school into a 3.7 GPA. I had two jobs and an additional one in the summer too. While sick. I graduated a decade ago and until my brain injury I kept that schedule except added in extra hours of sleep and doctor’s appointments instead of classes. Basically the only thing that changed was I slept more and I called that rest, and a reasonable schedule, and healthy. Maybe it was then. It’s not now. Some people thrive on being busy. I don’t. I write better, read better, create better when I am not running from place to place to place. It took a brain injury to teach me that. I’m sure that’s the lesson. I don’t care. I’m still bitter when I should be grateful.

This is not a normal mindset for me, and it’s been really hard to deal with myself in this process. In my life I have dealt with multiple sexual assaults, Lifetime movie worthy toxic friendships, and the trauma I endured in my upbringing with nothing but hope and love and gratitude in my heart for the things I did have. I have been oppressed because of my gender, my weight, my sexual identity, my health, and poverty and that only made me more determined to create safer spaces and try to make change for others going through the same thing. These things, for all of the horrors that they were (and I would not wish any of them on anyone) did not crush my spirit. My heart remained at the center of everything I did for my entire life. Until now.

My heart is not in anything I have done this year. I don’t know why. I’m not really even interested in finding out why, except to say that I want it back. In spite of my aversion to Unraveling My Year, I did still pull some tarot cards for next year. When I asked what my Word of the Year should be, I pulled the Ace of Vessels. Then, I started sobbing. For the first time in months I let myself mourn. The cards were promising my Double Pisces, Cancer rising butt that I would find me again in 2019, and that made it safe to cry and feel now. I am so sad that I worked so hard and this year made me feel like all of it was for nothing. I am so sad, and I am so tired.

Yet even as I type that I am preparing for a rehearsal process for a dream show and a book release in 2019. Obviously there were gains. I want to be there for them, not only in body but in mind, spirit, and HEART too. 33 is a coming of age year for a lot of people as they settle into what being in their 30’s means. I wasn’t here, wasn’t in myself and yet I can feel that I have changed in positive ways too. I hope to be present and accounted for for any changes or growth that 34 brings. I hope to love again and laugh again and mean it this time. I hope that that Ace of Vessels comes true. I hope that not only do I find myself again, but I find my heart along the way.

A Short & Sweet Yule Tarot Spread!

I spoke on my last blog about how important the concept of light is to the holiday season, and though I shifted my focus to something different there I a reading on my Patreon today based on the changeover of a dark winter into a lighter one. It was a simple three card spread, and I laid it out like this:

This deck is the Numinous Tarot & for a short time, you can grab one here!

This deck is the Numinous Tarot & for a short time, you can grab one here!

I laid out the two cards on top (you can do it in whatever order makes the most sense to you) and then the one on the bottom in the center. The card placements represent (in this order):

1) What light is already shining in our lives?

2) What light do we need to let in?

and 3) What darkness can we let dim right now?

I absolutely loved the reading I did for my patrons with this spread. The concept of light in dark times is always important, and that’s true figuratively and literally. For December Holiday season we have multiple holidays that focus on light, most notably Yule and Hanukkah. Even Christmas has it’s hint of it though. The three wise men followed the light of the North Star, and secularly what do we adorn our houses with when we want to look festive? Oh right, lights!

Enjoy your reading, tarot lovers & have a blessed week or so until I see you again.

Blessed Be Y’all,
Cassandra Snow

If you’d like to see the community reading, my Patreon is community style which means you get FULL benefits including this one for as little as $1 a month. I donate 10% to an organization or person in need, and benefits include ongoing Queering the Tarot pieces, monthly tip sheets or worksheets about tarot or spirituality, patron only occult writing, and a monthly spread. Anyone who follows by the end of this month ALSO gets a FREE tarot workbook or e-zine from my shop in a couple month’s time! Support here.

Stalker Card Diaries: The Empress & Emperor In The Same Readings

edit 12.jpg


Stalker cards are loosely defined as cards that keep showing up in your readings. They often seem out of place in the reading and have been known to fall out of the deck when they weren’t in line to show up. Most people who read tarot or oracle even casually will have stalker cards on occasion. I went through a period of “The Star” showing up at every turn until I finally buckled down and did some Work On Myself, and yes, that deserved caps. After the U.S. election of 2016 everything was “The Fool” because none of us knew how to operate anymore.

Lately something new-to-me has been happening: I’ve had a PAIR of stalker cards showing up in reading after reading after reading. The Empress & The Emperor are a big reason I started a Queering the Tarot journey in the first place but I rarely saw them together for years beyond when I was learning a new deck and stretching them all out on the floor. Two months ago they started showing up in almost every reading I did. Readings for clients, friends, and community members: there were the Empress & Emperor together. Readings for myself: there they were. It even happened a few times in my #dailytarot series on Instagram.

Prisma-Visions-768x529.jpg

The Empress and Emperor, for those who don’t know, represent contrasting but complementary energies. The Empress is nurturing and creation. The Emperor is discipline and growth. They both have a dark side too. The Empress can be overbearing and The Emperor can be cruel and strict. Many readers read the Empress as mother and the Emperor as father. Again, that can include positive or negative associations with both depending on the seeker and the situation. In readings, usually one (either one) will show up when someone needs to take control of their life back. The Empress on its own shows up for artists or very occasionally to tell parent-clients of mine to back off of their kids’ lives for now. The Emperor shows up to remind self-employed clients that they have to actually get up and do work if they want money. This card also shows up if someone’s boss or partner is too controlling and it’s time to walk away. These are obviously totally different situations and totally different readings.

Now they’re everywhere together though, hunting me down and forcing me to listen and I’m finally starting to understand what it’s all about: the Empress/Emperor duality living in me and the constant internal struggle of who gets to win when. The Tarot in it’s simplest form is really just a deck of 78 archetypes and how they interact. We all have all 78 cards living and working inside of us at different points in our life. The Empress and The Emperor should be showing up at different times, and once I realized they weren’t I knew it was time to pay attention.

Untitled-design-3.png

Since my brain injury I’ve had a lot of trouble completing basic tenants of adulthood. Waking up before noon, working more than three hours a day, and eating well all confound me and leave me exhausted now. It would make sense for The Emperor alone to be stalking me and yelling at me to do better. It would make sense for The Empress alone to show up to remind me to be kind to myself or to focus on creative work until I got that fire back. Together they remind me to be kind to myself AND to get work done. This is a really frustrating situation because PTSD gives me an “all or nothing” mentality which means I either work myself to the bone for days on end or I sleep until noon and avoid work by going on adventures the second one of my friends has a free moment. There’s no in between for me.

Which is obviously the problem. My brain injury really taught me that I can not work myself to the bone the way I often do and expect to recover from life-altering circumstances. It just isn’t physically possible. Life and capitalism and loving my work means that I don’t want to blow off work all day and eat whatever happens to be in the cabinet. I have to find a balance. I have to find a way for the driven and ambitious Emperor to co-exist with the kind and nurturing Empress—especially since she’s so driven herself!

I don’t have any solutions yet, but I’m listening. If you’re getting a pair of stalker cards, it is very likely that the cards are showing you a duality within yourself that you need to make peace with and find a comfortable place to sit within. It’s time to sit back and listen. Examine the artwork on your cards and see what hidden symbols or messages you find. Look at the readings as a whole and see what messages beyond the pair of stalker cards end up repeating. Track your readings—and do the other spiritual and emotional work that you require. Within time, you’ll find a way to come to terms with the contrasting energies you’re now getting blasted with; if you’re like me, you’ll also find so much peace and love of self in the listening alone.

Blessed be y’all.

The Million Dollar Questions: Where Have I Been and Where Am I Now?


Photo By Janet Nguyen Photography

Photo By Janet Nguyen Photography

Hello Dear Readers,

I promise this is not yet another blog post where I just rehash the trauma of my brain injury, because where I’ve been in 2018 is so much deeper and more nuanced than one injury (even if that injury did suck literally over half a year out of my life).

When I was blogging before, my monthly posts about everything I accomplished/did/learned (and because I believe in accountability and strength in vulnerability, everything I failed at, struggled with, and didn’t accomplish) where some of my most popular and shared pieces. As I start back up, I want to keep the same personal voice with higher quality material so here we are back at the beginning of the month and ready to roll with some updates.

spotlight.jpg

As a reminder OR as information for new readers, the reasons why I do these “month in review posts” are basically because:

  1. Even if people didn’t enjoy them, holding myself accountable for my health, my productivity, and my community is really important to me. Posting publicly what works and what doesn’t keeps me going strong.

  2. I get really overwhelmed and excited about all of the great things that exist in the world and I want to share the ones I’ve experienced with everyone and promote some great things.

  3. I absolutely love reading personal posts, listicles, and other writer’s monthly round-ups, and I figured if I love those things that much, maybe you do too. My numbers consistently showed that that was true too!

Since it’s been almost a year since I wrote last, I obviously won’t recap EVERYTHING. That would take forever, and without an intense look through my photos and social media and journal from the year I’m not sure I’d even remember them all. (Thanks, brain injury! #stillbitter)

Instead, here are some snippets from my year:

  • The biggest news of all: I finished my book! It’s coming out May 1st, 2019 and it is so queer and so personal and still (I hope!) such a great educational tool as you start or continue on your own tarot journey.

  • Little Red Tarot decided to archive, cutting short the series that led to the above book. I’ll be doing a Queering the Tarot article a month on my Patreon, which is open for wide release on Monday. I am at peace with this decision and the beauty of the site archiving on Samhain was not missed. I decided to take this as an opportunity to get back into doing things my own way for awhile, and see what exciting new opportunities that leads to this time. The archived Little Red site is here.

  • The Column has also decided to archive. I’m still struggling with that, in part because I fell absolutely in love with doing regular arts journalism and haven’t found a new outlet yet in spite of pitching and applying for a few spots. I trust my writing skills and my ability to manifest, and I have so, so much respect for my editor. The struggle is completely in “how to move on” and not any anger or frustration AT ALL. Andy Birkey worked so hard for so long and made this beautiful thing that I’ll never forget being a part of. My past arts journalism can still be found here as the website looks for their best archival options.

  • I’ve taught several tarot classes this year. Many Queering the Tarot, Tarot 101 for Creatives and Sex and Tarot as well as a Tarot for Spiritual Use and a handful of others. As a response to those classes, I’ve also got some unique workbooks and an E-Zine in my tarot shop on this website that you can check out.

  • Theatre mostly went on hold while I healed, and that’s legitimately okay. I still performed improv a few times, put together a Drunk Queer History or two, and put together an amazing Board of Directors for Gadfly. I also got a very generous grant for my dream show: [Working Title]: 60 Queer Plays in 90 Queer Minutes. That goes up in March and trust me when I say it is a freaking dream team of writers, cast, and crew so far.

  • I fulfilled a lifelong dream of performing stand-up comedy and I apparently was good at it? I was VERY bitten by that bug and while I haven’t done it since, one of my upcoming projects is to scope out other opportunities that feel safe and daring at the same time to perform at.

Same adorable cat.

Same adorable cat.

In some ways, things haven’t changed that dramatically. This was a hard year in both my personal and my medical life, and the past two months have been very trying professionally. Yet I still wake up in the bed I love so much every morning, next to my cats who I adore, in the same apartment I fell in love with two years ago. My queerplatonic partner is still my person, and some of the same people who have ALWAYS held it down for me still do. I am still doing the things I love for a living, by some God’s grace. This was a year of good-bye and of death. It was a year of huge change and very dramatic scenes. It was also a year of rest and recuperation though. Most importantly, it was still a year of love, laughter, and at times, out and out silliness. I am grateful to my core, to the deepest part of myself for these things. I feel gratitude into my bones and oozing out of my pores. I haven’t felt this in a long time, and I hate what it took to get me here. I’m here now though.

My book cover! So great!

My book cover! So great!

As I look forward:

I see my first book being released. I see my dream show going up. I see more time in this wonderful apartment with more of the people who make it and Minneapolis a home for me. I see a successful Patreon and while I don’t know where or what they will be, I do see more really great writing gigs in my future. I see some other more ambiguous ideas right now too: a podcast, more theatre, some vague ideas for adventures. I see such lovely clients and collaborators, especially at my steady gigs like the Eye of Horus, The Future, and Gadfly Theatre Productions. I’m eager to add to that roster too, but I can wait.

I’m also facing something really hard and scary in this Pagan year.

I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready to talk about it, but I will say that I have decided to seek treatment for vaginismus as well as any underlying causes for it. It’s really hard and scary and I have cried every day for the past two weeks as I wait for the right doctors to call me back. I’m keeping things close to the chest regarding writing or talking about it, at least currently. I live most of my life VERY out loud so that others will know they are not alone. I am not in a place to be of service regarding vaginismus right now though. I am not equipped practically or emotionally to answer questions or shoulder other people’s confessions. I don’t know if I could have admitted that before my brain injury. That injury has taught me so much about rest and focus on self. Maybe I’ll just need an outlet and it’ll be this blog after all. Maybe not.

In any case, that is another very important answer to the question of “Where Am I Now?” Because where I am IS hopeful, excited, and well-rested. I am also facing the realities of what happens when you have Avoidant Personality Disorder and a really painful, terrifying problem like vaginismus. Where I am is also petrified, wanting to run and hide, and kicking myself for letting my AvPD convince me to wait this long. I am so emotional about this. There’s not another way to put it. That is where I am though, and that is what I’ve been carrying as I work to build this blog and it’s readership back up.

I obviously don’t want to end on that note!

SO here’s some happier stuff that I’m super into at the moment:

Current Fave Tarot Deck: The Numinous Tarot

Currently Reading (and Loving): Calypso by David Sedaris

Currently Watching: The Good Place, Charmed, and How to Get Away With Murder most vehemently.

Current Fave Movies: The new Halloween which I LOVED and Colette which I can not and will not ever shut up about. To think I used to not like Kiera Knightley?! Honestly what was wrong with me?

Current Favorite Websites: Them is what I read most often. I also like this article about traveling while arthritic.

Current Favorite Recipe: This really easy cucumber salad: Chopped cucumbers, feta cheese (I dump like half of a crumbled brick in there but most people probably use about half of that), and Garlic Expressions salad dressing. Plus whatever else I have on hand. Handful of onions or a couple croutons or whatever is there that meshes. SO good, easy, and relatively cheap once you have a bottle of dressing on hand.

Current Music: Sparrow by Jump, Little Children (the whole dang album), and I still can’t stop with Janelle Monae’s Dirty Computer or Brandi Carlile’s By The Way, I Forgive You.

Most Recent Adventure I’m Still Raving About: This place is so much better and weirder and creepier than I ever could have imagined. I promise.

Thank you all so much for being here and sharing this time and space with me. I’ve missed you all! Please feel free to comment below with what you are up to or what you’re most excited about post-Samhain/Halloween!

Blessed be, y’all!

Return of the Blog + A Radical Patreon Launch

Dearest Readers,

As you may know, I bonked my head pretty badly all the way back in January and had to put this blog, my work in theatre, and a number of other things on hold. As I’ve recovered, I’ve learned a lot about myself and the process of making art and writing and being a witch in the real world.

I’ve learned that sometimes your physical health has to come first. I know as much as I blog about mental and physical illness it may seem weird that I didn’t know that. I knew it on some intellectual level, but I was still running myself ragged and just adding time and energy consuming body-care tasks to my ever growing list of things to do. That’s not prioritizing your health. I get it now.

I’ve learned that I absolutely love theatre and that sometimes you need time to take a breathe and see a bunch of shows, read a lot of blogs, and think about your craft and what you want from it before you dive in and try to get all fiesty and creative.

I’ve learned that being a witch means it’s okay and even profound to learn to harness “darker energies” and to ask for selfish things (like personal healing from a traumatic brain injury or you know, whatever). I have always felt a call to dead people and underworld energies that I was so afraid to call my own. I’m not afraid anymore.

I’ve learned that I hate organizing anything that isn’t art. Like. Hate it. I want there to be voices and spaces for emerging tarot readers and witches, but I don’t need to kill myself to create that. I have lots to give and offer without taking on a role that no longer suits me (and perhaps never did).

I’ve learned to expect the unexpected when it comes to who is there for me and who isn’t. People I thought were my soul mate friends disappeared, and people I was on the fence about keeping in my life have come through in more ways than I could ever list here. I have no anger or bitterness in my heart for those that aren’t here now but I have learned to trust my gods that there will always be people in my corner, even if they aren’t the people I expected. I think that was supposed to be my lesson for literal years, but now it has finally hit home.

I think maybe I’ve actually learned how to prioritize. Which has unexpectedly helped everything from my work load to my eating disorder. This is never a perfect art though, so I really hope I don’t shoot myself in the foot by speaking to it!

I’ve learned that my lifestyle before this injury was completely unsustainable. I was working too, too much without ever really getting anything of value done. I was terrified of spending money to delegate out, in large part because I don’t have any. I was terrified to work less because what would I even DO? How would I even fill that time? I was terrified to go easy on myself because my identity is so wrapped up in “art, witch, Type A” that I was afraid of a total loss of identity. I needed to learn this maybe most of all. I was exhausted for literal years before this, even as I stuck to my guns on sleeping eight hours a night and drinking a whole lot of water. Honestly, even as I get back to myself, I still feel exhausted when I think about jumping into any semblance of my old life.

Which brings me to the point of this whole post. I’m starting a Patreon soon, and I’m really, really excited about it. It’s community style so even at the $1 level you will get full benefits. This will allow me to donate to causes I care about and people in my community who really need it. It will also allow me to work on the work I am best at and most passionate about. Hopefully I will soar past my first goal and be able to buy some decent recording and editing equipment so I can bring you podcasts and video content about tarot, the occult, art and my queer, chronically ill life as it pertains to all of the above.

As part of this Patreon, I am emphasizing my work to make tarot accessible-not only in content by exploring what the tarot has to say to marginalized people or others who have trouble relating to it, but even in price and the ability to learn easily and cheaply. That means a return to this blog in addition to Patron only writing. This blog and creating theatre work have been the two things I’ve missed the most this year. My theatre life is making a slow, scheduled return that I’m sure you’ll hear all about in coming months.

The blog I am thrilled to bring back as well. I’ve had almost whole year to dream up spells, funny stories, and tarot spreads and knowledge for you. I’ve had almost a whole year to miss you all so much and am so eager to come back.

Thank you so much for rejoining me on this journey. I will absolutely post when my Patreon goes live—and I’ll be posting pretty regularly from now on.

In the meantime, Blessed Be!

Some Exercises To Break Down The Court Cards

From The Slow Holler Tarot

From The Slow Holler Tarot

I recently put out an open call on social media asking what tarot learners were struggling with. The number one answer is, of course, The Court Cards. If you're SUPER new to tarot, the Court Cards are the cards labeled Pages, Knights, Queens, or Kings. They might be rewritten in your deck, but they most likely have a title and a suit (hence the Architect of Vessels above).

The Court Cards are very often taught or explained as people. Even a lot of otherwise really, really good tarot books can lead you astray here as you try to understand why your spread is giving you random, useless information about a dark haired man with bad intentions when that man is absolutely nowhere in your life. To add to the confusion, the Courts are often needlessly (and kind of hilariously) gendered, and can often equate material wealth with achievement & worth in a way I’m very, very uncomfortable with. 

From The Next World Tarot

From The Next World Tarot

All of that being said, I love the court cards. They encourage me to bust my butt or take a break--both messages I hate but frequently need. They don’t usually represent 16 different people most of the time. Instead, they represent 16 different energies or aspects of YOU. The court cards coming up are most likely the energies or aspects within yourself that you need to call on and bring into being right now. Pairing each card with a well-known celebrity may not help you crack the card, understand it, or remember it in the heat of the moment. Instead, I've got some suggestions outlined below for how to connect with these cards in a way that stays true to both the card and your own experiences and journey. 

  • If you are Pagan and work with deities, try pairing each court card with a deity that you could call on to inspire you or work with you regarding the energy of the card.

  • If you are Pagan and do not work with deities, pairing each court card with a mythological creature or spiritual entity (like a type of faery, a spirit or ghost you’ve worked with, or an animal guide) that you could call on now to inspire or aid that card’s energy allows for a similar clarity as the diety exercise.

  • If you are not Pagan, or are but want an alternative exploration, think about times in your life when the energy of this card was easy for you to take on. So one card might be the version of you that started a business that failed, and a different court card might be the version of you that started a successful business. One card could be a version of you that cried over a “B” in high school, and one could be a version of you that cut that college class all the time to have sex with your suitemate. Lock in those actual, living versions of yourself as your "go to" for how to interpret this card.

If this blog post helped you unlock your understanding of the Court Cards, I've got a whole E-Zine for sale chock full of tips and tricks to help New Age Misfits learn tarot in a personalized but true-to-your-deck's-intentions way. You can grab a copy here for just $13.99.

If you're looking for free resources, Siobhan at Radical Tarot has some great thoughts about the Courts here.

Blessed be, y'all!

What Do You Owe Yourself in Troubling Times?

I am not a political writer; I struggle a lot with imposter syndrome and feeling like my thoughts are "smart" enough to say publicly and wondering if my sadness comes from empathy or guilt. I have nothing new to say about Charlottesville. I have innovative to say about this administration. I have no idea what my message should be besides the usual ones of anger, horror, and sadness. 

But I do know that I care deeply about the marginalized, none of whom are safe now. While this act of terror was being planned in Charlottesville, local Nazi groups were hanging signs in my so-called "Blue oasis" of a city "warning" white straight men about the homosexual menace and encouraging people to come to a meeting to learn to fight back against us. It was disgusting and terrifying. I cried for a day and a half when I heard. The biggest threat these groups pose is still to people of color and the event in Charlottesville was an attempt to claim white, racist culture as valid and scare black and non-white people into silence. It is revolting, and it requires every ounce of strength we have to fight back. 

Which means that it also requires taking care of ourselves, without excuse, without getting "permission", and without regret. You can not fight if you're about to pass out.  Stop when you feel overwhelmed and ask yourself "What do I owe myself today?"

I absolutely owe my future self the knowledge that I stood on the right side of history and that I fought for my rights and those of people of color and disabled people. I owe myself the better world I am trying to build. But I also owe my current self a full night of rest, a glass of cold water when I'm thirsty, to spend that unexpected tip money on a cold press when I'm dragging. I owe myself the acceptance of the love others give me. I owe myself the peace that comes from saying no sometimes. If I don't give myself those things, who will? Most importantly, if I don't give myself the things I need, I will be useless when directly faced with a fight. Activist burnout is so real, and complete exhaustion is the number one reason my clients who proudly belong to marginalized communities come to see me. As pressing and urgent as creating as much change as quickly as possible is, you absolutely owe it to yourself not to burn out entirely. 

Maybe your needs are different. Maybe you don't sleep well anyway and need downtime instead. Maybe you hate coffee but need soda to keep you going. Regardless, you certainly deserve rest, to eat and drink well, to be loved. 

And then, when you are rested and restored, remember: We do not deserve for bigotry and hatred to win, and most of us will not be able to live with ourselves if we don't do our part. We owe ourselves the things that make us feel renewed.

We also owe ourselves this fight. 

Learning Tarot: The Art Matters More + Some Games!

Me, the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, and Jessa Crispin's "The Creative Tarot" getting some learning done.

Me, the Tarot of the Silicon Dawn, and Jessa Crispin's "The Creative Tarot" getting some learning done.

Hello all!

The collective unconscious trips me up sometimes; I meant to write a post last week on this topic, and then Biddy Tarot posted an alarmingly similar one here. I strongly encourage you to go read that post first, as I didn't want to replicate information on this one.

Learning Tarot can and should be a simple, fun, personalized process where your own reactions and experiences matter more than an any prescribed notions, so the easiest way to learn it may to be throw your Little White Book to the side for now and try a different approach. From Biddy Tarot's blog:

Describe the picture. What story is it telling? Think about:

Are there people in the card?
What are they doing?
What objects are in the card?
Why do you think those objects are there?
Why is the person there?
What’s in the background?
What’s in the foreground?
How do all of these different elements come together?
— BiddyTarot.com

To that incredibly comprehensive list, I would also add that I'm a huge fan of color theory in art and tarot as well. What does green mean to you and how does that apply when almost a whole card is green? This is less helpful in a black and white deck, obviously, but the shading and line work can still give you clues to the artist's intended meaning. Paying attention to specific symbols like animals, astrological symbols, seasons, and callbacks to other cards in your deck are also wildly helpful in learning your tarot deck inside and out. Most tarot readers, myself included, will tell you to journal on these discoveries, even if you're not a journaler. The payoff when you look at old entries two years later is completely worth it. Learning your cards this way first will also allow you to pick up another deck easily when you're ready.

AS PROMISED, I've also got some games to share with you to help you learn this way. Some of these I've learned at meet-ups or talking to other readers, and some I've developed on my own. You need:

  • A tarot deck you don't know super well
  • A friend who loves tarot and has a deck

That's it! Do whatever you would do to prepare to read for someone (shuffle each other's decks, or your own, etc.) and then take your respective decks that you're learning back. You'll both want to think for a few moments to come up with a deluge of questions to ask each other.

  • Then taking turns, ask questions and have your game partner answer based only on what is happening in the picture.
  • Or based on the animal in the card.
  • Or based solely on intuition.
  • Or based on what the person in the card is doing.
  • Or based on a symbol that jumps out at you and nothing else.
  • Or based on how the colors in the picture work together.
  • Etc, etc.

There are a couple of other rules in these games. They should be rapid fire. The questions you each ask should be ones you are curious about but not life or death. You have to trust your gut. If the symbol that jumps out at you is an apple but the biggest one is different, no sweat. Trust the apple. You should not apply any knowledge of the cards beyond whichever version of the game you are playing allows for, period. Finally, as a side note, if you're playing "What does the animal on the card tell us," for example, and you pull a card that doesn't have an animal, as Nancy Antenucci taught me, the answer to that question is "You already know the answer." (Nancy also taught me a few rad versions of this game too.)

That's it! While learning tarot has a lot of grooves and nuances, these methods and games will make you feel super solid on individual cards and what they're trying to tell you. If you're interested in really hunkering down to study, my Coaching package is available here or you can come in for a one of session to clarify some things.

Blessed be y'all!

 

Hell Yes or No, Thanks: Some Musings + A Spread for Clarity

*Please note, cats are not relevant. Just adorable.

I read an obscene amount of, well, everything. Books, blogs, news, cereal boxes. I say this to say that I take in a HUGE amount of information, and yes, many of those are self-help books, business advice blogs, or all of the above directly related to the metaphysical, writing itself, or theatre. Yet for as well-read on the subject of success as I am, there are countless days that no matter how many times by how many important people I am told to do certain things (IE traditional networking, refusing to barter, or applying for every opportunity) that I just can not bring myself to do things the "right way". Maybe it's because the corporation who runs a giving foundation's ethics are far and away from what my grassroots theatre company believes in. Maybe it's because undercutting my competition AND setting prices inaccessibly feel equally icky to me. Or maybe it's because I'm rocking this three-or-more chronic illness life the best way I know how and I can not physically be "out there" as much as recommended. Or maybe it's because all of us are bombarded every day with a million choices of all sizes, and as much as we'd like to, saying yes to all of them is overwhelming at best and dangerous to ourselves at worst.

Still, even in forgoing a lot of advice, I live in a beautiful three bedroom apartment in an evolving part of a substantial mid-sized city with two spoiled cats and all the gourmet coffee I can handle. This is all paid for by my tarot and writing (and occasionally my art) even though I do not do every "right" thing and yes, actively choose to do things the "wrong" way sometimes. Everything I do at this stage of my life is incredibly intentional. I know firsthand how easy it is to just get in the habit of saying yes, and until I started really doing these gut checks we're about to talk about, I too ended up embarking on even major projects or ventures that I had no real desire to be in. I've known many people who've spent years saving up for something only to realize they didn't even want it that bad. Or who built a career and realized they hated their daily routine even if they loved their field. Or who looked at their calendar and realized they've been sleeping with someone who bores them out of their mind for eight months. (!!!)

Like anything else, there's a million different ways to address these various crossroads, and my way may not work for you at all. When I work with clients, however, and when I'm at a crux myself, I navigate all of these decisions from innocuous social life dilemmas to major life changes with two painfully simple questions. These are, in my experience, the ONLY questions most need to ask themselves when faced with basically any choice.  Before we start looking at that though, decision making usually requires getting into a good headspace first. I rarely recommend making decisions in the heat of the moment unless you are 1000% sure of the upcoming questions (though that does happen) immediately. So instead of pushing yourself to decide right then, wait until your next batch of meditation/prayer/solo time,  and take several deep, calming breaths. Clear your mind completely. If you need to light incense, pull your cat into your lap, or cover yourself in Florida Water, do that. Once calm, think about the choice or opportunity in front of you. Then ask yourself these two questions--and only these two questions.

"First of all, is this opportunity even possible?" This question is so simple but often goes unchecked. When anything comes your way and you're interested enough to consider it though, this is a necessary step. "Can I do this?" HOWEVER, it is so so crucial that we do not confuse that for either "Can I do this easily?" OR "If I rearrange my whole life including everything that's important to me, is this technically possible?" This step can and should include your emotional and spiritual reality, and shouldn't drain your savings (unless you're really, really okay with that) or uproot everything you hold sacred. Sometimes you can't say yes, as rad as it would be, and it's best to just quit here and not get ahead of yourself. Do I have whims where I think "sell all your name brand clothes and move to a shack in the desert and read tarot on a Pay What You Can basis?" Of course I do. Can I actually do that without losing the things most important to me or with everything going on with my health? Um, no. So I indulge the fantasy for a bit, and move on. Alternatively, my theatre company reached an impasse about the best way to grow last fall when the issue of securing our own venue came up. It was a big change, but with some creative restructing and a hard commitment to marketing rentals when we weren't using the space, we realized this could be done, and we're much happier now than we were two years ago.

If you get through that step and it turns out you CAN do the thing that's been suggested or offered to you, the next question is even more obvious, but we do so, so often getting bogged down in habit or people-pleasing. The next (and final) question is, of course, "Do I WANT to do this?" Clients are often shocked at how quickly they don't even need the cards to make the decision if I start by questioning their own desires or motives towards a choice. Usually when you quietly, earnestly ask yourself if you WANT to do the thing, the answer comes screaming into your gut with a pretty fierce strength. In the above examples, no, I don't actually want to give up coffee shops on every corner for that quiet (and hot) of a life. But I did desperately want a home for my theatre company to root in. I didn't realize how much I wanted that until I asked if I wanted it. That check in brought into fruition wants, needs, and determination I didn't even know I had, making it one of the most formative things I did last year.

What about the times you get stuck though? What if you know you truly, desperately need this opportunity but it really doesn't seem possible? Or what if you don't actually know what the question is--you know your business needs to evolve in some way but you aren't sure what that looks like? And of course, what if you have absolutely no actual idea if you can do or even want this? That's is, as it so often is, where the tarot comes in.

                         *Featuring the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot from Llewellyn.*

                         *Featuring the Modern Spellcaster's Tarot from Llewellyn.*

This a really simple spread that can be adjusted to be more specific. In this case, let's look at a sample question that has no bearing on my life right now, so I'm not inclined to overpersonalize things. Our sample question is: "Should I spend the money/time/energy to take this class?"

The first row is the "CAN I" row. The first card is "As it stands now, can I take this class?" The Devil is a rough one to get right out of the gate. Traditional tellings would say no, this class is a distraction or a temptation. If you read the queer/modern/non-Christian version of the Devil though, it could be a necessary indulgence. It could throw you off your immediate track temporarily, but that's likely a good thing. So the rest of this row becomes important. The middle card shows us what needs to change or move to make the thing possible. You WILL get cards that show heartbreak or negativity here, in which case across the board this is likely a no. In our sample case though, we got the King of Cups. Things actually can be moved in the direction of you taking this hypothetical class. In this case, you might need to actually speak with or reach out to someone who has taken the class who cares about and supports you, or you might need to reach out to the instructor if there are any bureaucratic issues with getting into the class. In any case, dig deep and find your own creative prowess and love of the subject--that's what's going to make the difference. The last card in this row, that Page of Cups, shows what's already working in favor of you making this choice. In this case, a base knowledge, a love of the subject, and an encouragement towards indulgence all give you something to grab on to should you move forward.

The second row is the "Do I want this?" row. Again, we start with a basic yes/or no for the first card. With the Queen of Cups there's a definite argument that you've actually wanted this for awhile, but are trying to play it cool and not get your heart set on it. The middle card shows us why you're having some blocks understanding your desires. The three of cups shows us that you might've been let down by group settings before, or that you might often deny yourself happiness or growth or camaraderie in this area of your life. The third card in this row shows us what you truly want. This is the heart of why you're considering this. It shows a desire not being nurtured. In this case, the Queen of Wands, there's a true passion for whatever subject the class is in, and a need to do something independent of your squad/partner/kids. This card is crucial because if at the end of this spread your answer is no, THIS card tells you where to go and what you need to pull into your life.

That final card on the side shows the final word on the matter. This is the make or break card, that sums up whether you should do the thing at hand. Obviously with a King of Pentacles here this non-existent class is a loud, clamorous, resounding yes--and the card has it's own reasons (Invest in yourself! Root in your community! Master a thing!) but it also takes everything else in the spread into account.

At the end of this entire process--whether you needed the spread or not, you should be left with one of two options: a hearty "hell yes" that gets your eyes big and your heart racing, or a polite but firm "no, thanks though." I live my entire life by this philosophy, and it's how I manage multiple careers that I love, a solid social life in spite of being deeply introverted and socially anxious, and a profound love of free-spiritedness and life itself. I get stuck though, and know we all do--so use the hell out of this spread (but please credit me if you write about it or repost) and feel free to let me know how any of your crossroads shake out when you do!

Blessed be, y'all!

We Are All Fledglings Now

Some of this you've already seen if you follow me on Instagram, but as I continue on my path learning the Slow Holler tarot, and as things around us seemingly dissolve into Chaos, I am pulling the Fledgling much more than I ever pull the Fool, and much more than I did when I first got the deck.

First though, about the Slow Holler: this is a deeply spiritual tarot deck, rooted in Southern and queer identity, and I've truly relished my time getting to know it. It was collaboratively drawn and written by several different artists, and it takes me right back to my early days of tarot and witchery when there was this constant sense of spiritual power right underneath my feet. It's also deeply concerned and enlightening regarding two other things that have shaped the very core of who I am: trauma, and the fight for the collective. Grab your copy here. It's so, so worth it.

As this card starting coming up with unusual frequency for me, my initial thoughts were as such: the Fledgling is the Slow Holler's take on the classic Fool card, but a fledgling is not the same as a fool. They are both starting journeys, but whereas the Fool's optimism comes from a sense of naivety or a childlike fearlessness, the Fledgling's cautious optimism comes because they know that while now is a time for bravery, it doesn't mean you won't fail. It simply means you will find your feet again if you do and grow from there. The Fledgling does a lot more feeling for firm ground and a lot less running towards cliffs, but they still charge ahead into the unknown. The Fool is starting a journey and the Fledgling is starting something more. We don't know what yet. The Fledgling doesn't know what yet. But as the events of this week plunge us equally into determination and uncertainty, there is no clearer metaphor for the role of an activist right now. You will flounder, and you will not be sure, and you may lose. But you will regroup, and you will get your land legs back, and you will do great things again.

It feels like the lessons of the Fledgling were clear to me. Take chances. I am learning the lay of a new land, so be careful, but be brave. The card keeps coming up and keeps coming back to me though, and today as I pulled it even for my daily draw on my Instagram it finally hit me. The world at large is the priority right now, but it's not the only thing that exists. Our microcosms are still here, supporting us, loving us, empowering us. Yet in our daily lives, we still hold back. If there was ever a time to not though--this is it. What if instead of keeping your creative power tightly wrapped around your intellect you completely unfurled it and let it take over your current project? What if instead of finishing your routine to-do list you took two days a week to scrap it to work the big, scary projects instead? What if instead of keeping our heart so tightly in your chest you said "screw what everyone else thinks," ripped it out and let it bleed your power and love all over everyone you care about? We don't know what tomorrow's going to look like anymore--and maybe there's a lesson here in how we never really did. So why wait? Why hold back? Why sit and wonder and wish instead of doing? We are coming back from marches and meetings so on fire--use that. Use it. Use it. Use it.

The Fledgling wants us to be an activist, an advocate, an ally, to be as queer and brazen as we have it in us to be right now, but everyone I know is doing that. I have seen an outpour of collective action that I never anticipated, people who argued with me about marches inviting me to them now, and that's amazing. That's wonderful.  The Fledgling has more to say though, because this is a new world, and everything we know is upside down. Yet, for now, at least, life still goes on. What does it mean to work and create in this new world? And my god, can you imagine what love could be in this new world? The Fledgling is screaming at us to let go, let loose, right now, and find out. Because if we let go and spread these wings we think are so small, we just might find out how close we are to flying.

Blessed be.

Oatmeal, Lavender and Hyssop Bath--oh my!

Hello all! I'm doing a quick blog today to give you a recipe for a Spiritual Cleanse: this one's a bath! This is one of my favorite rituals that I've almost perfected over the past couple of years. I have a small tub, so adjust accordingly to the size of yours. This bath is perfect for: New Moon Rituals, special full moons (I did it on the last super Moon, for example, after a trying year so far), any Sabbat/holiday/special ritual devoted to cleansing, or anytime it just feels like you're carrying to much "stuff" around with you and it's time to shuck it off.

Obviously I found this photo online, though normally all photos are my own.

Obviously I found this photo online, though normally all photos are my own.

In a small wooden or porcelain bowl, I pour:

  • 1/2 cup of oatmeal
  • handful or two of lavender buds
  • smaller handful of hyssop OR you can use hyssop oil
  • 2-3 big drops of eucalyptus oil
  • 1-2 drops of peppermint oil (the smell is often a little overpowering and I prefer to smell the lavender as theprimary note)
  • a couple of crumbled, dry sage leaves (2-3 large or 5 medium)

    ***If you prefer, any skin safe oils can be applied directly into bath water***

After it's all in there I use a small spoon or spatula and mix it up until the smell, look, and texture is evenly spread and a little more cohesive. I have a small stash of small mesh bags that tie off that I poured it all into, but if you don't have such a bag, any handmade mesh, cheesecloth, or even pantyhose-style nylon satchel will work. (Bonus, you can do some knot spells as you tie off the handmade ones!) As I mix and pour I think about all the stuff I'm try to cleanse and scrub away with the bath. This is a pretty intense cleansing spell, so the further into that pain, frustrating, aura-murking stuff you can, the better you can let yourself go, the better. Then I light sage in the bathroom itself, run my bath, and toss my satchel into it while it fills up. I usually light a candle and do this in the dark, but that's completely unnecessary. I just have a thing about overhead lights. (I hate them.) In that time I try to clear my mind and focus on what my goals are afterwards. What does shedding this murkiness and ick look like? What happens tomorrow when I'm spiritually squeaky clean and invigorated. I put and aim those intentions into the bath, then I bathe! I usually just sit in the nice, scented hot water, occasionally squeezing the satchel for an extra "oomph" for awhile. I use a washcloth or loofah to actually bathe and scrub myself towards the end though, because I like physicality. I don't think it's actually necessary. Then I rinse, drain, and towel off!

I feel an IMMEDIATE difference usually, but I'll suck down some cold, filtered if possible, water and get a solid eight hours if I can too, because those things really help you feel it the NEXT day, and moving forward. This past one went EXTREMELY well. I feel almost reborn, which isn't the norm, but I always feel more clear-headed and like I've let go of all of those minor irritations that lead to big things.

Feel free to use as often as you feel necessary It's also a really nice, relaxing bath otherwise so you don't have to put all the extra woo and witchcraft in every time.

Until next time, Blessed be!

Take A Break. Take a Breathe.

The Southern Theater During One Minute Play Festival

The Southern Theater During One Minute Play Festival

I love theater. I love it with a passion and intensity that sometimes keeps me up at night reading script after script or watching illegally downloaded scenes (shhh!) online. This is in addition to throwing a substantial amount of my money, time, and spoons into seeing it live. I produce at least three events a year, and that's a slow year and a conservative estimate. I am a renaissance soul, and I am as passionate about spirituality and the career it has provided me, about literature and my dreams of contributing to the literary world, and social justice activism--but nonetheless, theatre is a driving force in my life.

Three years I did five shows back to back, with no break whatsoever, and in fact, prep for 2-4 at a time overlapped significantly. By the end of that final event, which I loved and was so proud of, I was crying almost every day. Everything set me off. I was at max capacity stress level. I was barely scraping myself together for tarot clients and my day job (which I have since quit but that's a different story for a different day), and I wasn't writing at all because I was spent. I was also the second sickest I have ever been. My arthritis wasn't flaring up so much as I was living in the first flare-up that happened in that time for months on end. My PCOS was out of control and there were days I could not keep water down. Yet I was up, working at least 15 hour days between theatre and my other obligations EVERY SINGLE DAY. It was absurd.

So I stopped doing anything but Gadfly. For a really long time. And this past year, Gadfly didn't do any mainstage work until last month, so after this much time not directing, getting back into two projects in a row (that, then One Minute Play Festival) felt exhilarating. It felt like I was me again. I cried Sunday night after 1MPF ended because I was so happy. I even went out with afterwards, had an amazing time and felt almost no social anxiety.

So what changed? First of all, 10/10 recommend taking a break when you need one. If you're making connections, doing good work, and pleasant to be around, contrary to what you think in the heat of it, no one will blame you from stepping away from your field for health, mental health, or any other reason. (Family! Travel! Because!) Your field is probably not steeped in totally unreasonable assholes, and if it is--well, maybe you need to talk to yourself about that. It is so important to take care of yourself and your work, regardless of your field, will suffer if you are crying every day and driving yourself to literal sickness. So take a break. Get some distance. When you start missing it--go back! As SOON as I told people I was interested in both performing storytelling and directing theatre again, things started to trickle in. It takes time to rebuild, but you are not rebuilding from nothing. You unfortunately also will not be building QUITE from where you left off, but somewhere in between is not the worst thing to happen, and if it's gonna save you your sanity or physical health you HAVE to do it.

Time and space were not the only difference though. Unrelated--or so I thought, I went on a big self-care, physical and mental health...quest, I guess? In theatre, and I am not slamming anyone personally because it runs so deep in that culture, it is considered bragging rights to have had the least sleep, to have not had time to eat in three days, to not have friends outside of the show because you don't have time. Everyone goes out and gets drunk together every night, and cures their hangovers with coffee and jumps right into it again. While I know people who navigate this successfully, I did not. Many close to me did not. After some time away and learning to listen to my body, I didn't run into these problems this go.

Of course I ran on less sleep during tech and shows the past month. But I supplemented with water, getting to bed as soon as I could, eating when I was hungry, and finding even five minutes every few hours to sit and do something unrelated--read an article, read a book, journal a fun quote someone said, play Pokemon Go. You need breaks in your day when you're working that hard. I'm no self-care expert though I've come a long way, but what this past month made me realize is this:

You can have your passions and your health.

There's no life hack, magic trick, or prescription to provide both to you though, as both are journeys and take work. There isn't a secret metaphysical ritual we're holding out on you about. But you can listen to your body and your soul and adhere to their requests--and that's pretty much all most spellwork is anyway.

Take a break. Take a breathe. Take your life back. You'll still meet your goals.

Until next time, Blessed be.

Tarot For Anyone! A Quick Learning Trick

While I've been reading tarot for over a decade (weeps about aging forever) I still employ this trick every time I pick up a new deck, before I even look at the book or anything. Most readers do this, but lately I've been talking to a few super new on or still just considering a tarot path who get super caught up in "how am I ever gonna memorize this book?" The short answer is it takes time, but you will. Just dilligently work on it nearly every day for awhile.

BUT the great news is you can still find a lot of use in your cards by just looking at the picture, and gleaning what there is to glean artistically from them. This is particularly true for advice questions. "What should I do" is quickly answered by seeing what the figure in the picture is doing. "What's my next step" can be answered by looking at the picture overall--again, likely what the figure is doing, but there can be some other giveaways too. If you know symbols really well, animals featured could be giving you a sign based on your interpretation of those animals. Colors, runes, various constellations, etc. etc. could all be doing the same thing. Questions of "Who" can also be answered by going directly off the traits, attitude, or energy of the figure on the card.

For example, in the photo above, it's fine if you have no clue what the (fabulous) book from this Book of Shadows: As Above deck says about this card. It's easy to assess that you have some crystals poking out of the corner, some bright purple flowers, a gnome relaxing in their element. The instrument might stand out to you if you're a creative or especially musical person, and that beam of sunlight across the card has always struck me.

So if I had asked "What should I do about my financial situation?" I would assess based on the relaxed gnome and all the Earthly things blooming around them that I should just relax, because I had already put myself in a good position and news was coming. Or if I saw the instrument first, I would think that utilizing my creative talents for money was my next strategy. If I had asked a more spiritual question such as "What is my soul needing", some time around music, in sunlight, or possible some crystal or plant healing would come to me as the answers.

Another example so you can see how cards work together, is based off the above. (In reality the odds of this pair showing up together in a well shuffled deck is a little slim, but hey.) A question I've been grappling with lately is "What keeps holding me back?" and "Where do I go from here?" If I needed some basic guidance to these questions and pulled these two cards from my Prisma Visions tarot I would see that Skull, the word Emperor, and the cacophony of color around it. I would discern based on the animal that my own stubbornness was killing me, and from the colors that my mind was too scattered to make much sense of the things going on. Meanwhile the "Where do I go from here?" card shows a woman embracing the light, elevating herself, almost above the solid ground she's built. She is bright against a dark background. While with a seeker other than myself I might have trouble putting it into words, I think the image does speak for itself--look towards the positive, the light. Look ahead. The gold and yellow give us a strong sense of newness and freshness, and this would be about embracing and accepting the new.

Tarot is so frequently seen as this big, scary huge 78-things-to-learn process, but you can utilize the art and the keywords to provide yourself the guidance you need as you work on memorizing in more traditional ways. I'd love to hear more beginner's tips and tricks, and will for sure have more unfold over the course of this blog.

Until next time,
Blessed Be