A Spread for Helping a Loved One

Love languages are tricky. While I think the writings about them are important, I'm always a little skeptical when we try to box in or quantify people. Usually what I need from the people I love is quality time, a few snuggles, and support for my dreams. Still, when I'm dumped or feeling hopeless I need words of encouragement. When I'm not able to take care of myself properly because of financial or illness constraint I need acts of service or gifts. No one is one way and no one loves one way. This is complicated by the fact that while I receive love in those ways, I most often express it in encouraging words or gifts, so people assume that's all I need or what I want in return. Then there are times I truly believe no one knows what they want or need, so expressing it or asking for it becomes impossible. My queerplatonic partner right now is going through every bit the hard time I am. We can't find housing and it's really dampening both of our inner lights to not be out on our own (together) right now. Coupled with some job crises on their end, it's been really rough and my normal loved-one's intuition was severely hampered. As always when things are dark, I turned to the tarot for a simple, straightforward spread to see what they needed from me right now.

I know when creating spreads most readers start with overarching themes or ideas, but I nearly always put them last. This is because of how my anxiety works. I usually need the answers when I need them, and then I'm able to take a breathe and see the big picture. If my order of the card placements doesn't work for you, feel free to move them around. Tarot is fluid, and it's best when hyper-personalized.

Deck is Wild Unkown; the new version.

For this spread, I just did three cards. Card 1 is What do they need me to do right now? The Sun lets me know that in remaining optimistic, family-oriented and confident their own mood will alter. As someone who prides herself on her whimsy who is dealing with a very Earthy Earth sign, this is likely also a note to get us not only having fun, but outside in the summer heat so we're not just sitting around fretting. This was an easy message to take though I haven't felt very optimistic lately. I do think that being compassionate to yourself is the most important thing except in extreme circumstances, but I can definitely get us outside and having fun, and I can definitely share my optimism when it does trickle in. 

Card 2 is What do they need me to say right now? The three of cups is all about celebrating love and accomplishments, so my words of encouragement right now can be anything from affirming that I love them no matter what to reminding them of the good they're doing in the world in our lives. I was actually not super off track here, so that was affirming but does help me focus my "helper" energy to this stream.

Card 3 is the bigger picture card I mentioned that you may want to put first. It's What is my role in the things? The Seven of Cups assures me that they are still making decisions with our weird chosen family in mind. This is a card of choices and decisions, so helping make those as well as keeping that cups love flowing is part of my role right now. Knowing my steadfast qpp's heart and chosen relationship roles, it may even be guiding me to fulfill the role of being the primary decision-maker since they have SO much on their plate. The seven of cups is also a card of imagination that coupled with the sun reminds me to not stop dreaming and putting new ideas on the table for consideration.

A lot of times I sit down and work to create a spread I actively engage my imagination and toy with a few different ideas. This one came to me more intuitively and has helped ease the would-be burden beautifully. I also recommend recalibrating this spell for self-love and nurturing the sides of yourself that are feeling angsty.

Until next time, Blessed be.

Quickie Relationship/Crush/Friendship Check In

Relationships are tough, but so much of the advice I give ends up advising people AGAINST overanalyzing and thinking things to death. There are several spreads to check in with various relationships that are 7-10 cards (or more), but often what "solves" the problem is a quick, sudden insight, so I designed a simple, four card spread instead. This way if the issue is a simple one of communication, insecurity, or decision-making, we trust our intuition and cut to the heart of the matter. It looks like this:

Lay down the spread in this order: 1) Your left, 2) your right, 3)center top, 4)center bottom

The spread is so simple, as promised. The two on the sides represent where each party is in general in their lives. The one on your left is YOU and where you are right now in life. The one on your right is where the other party you're inquiring about is. This placement is important even when dealing with a soul mate, twin sister, or someone you're building a life with, you are still dealing with two individuals, and advising as if you are one entity can do more harm than good and open the doors to co-dependence and a host of other not-helpful behaviors. In addition to showing where each party is, the sides also show what aspects of yourself, your identity, and your individuality you are bringing into the relationship the strongest, for better or worse.

The card on top is where the relationship is currently headed. This is the outcome if nothing changes. If it's a positive outcome, then sometimes knowing things are ending up well is enough to pull us through the slump. If not, then we use our final card, which is our card of advice, to turn the energy back to the way it's supposed to be, or to cope and communicate effectively to stay on track. If the current outcome is NOT desirable, then that advice card is obviously about how to turn it around to get a different result, or how to cope if the reading shows the relationship really shouldn't continue.

It should go without saying, but just in case, this spread can be used in ANY kind of relationship--if you're fighting with a parent, a boss, or a friend, it is every bit as effective. I've done several test runs, and it works out as often as my other favorites.

Enjoy, and please report back if you have any feedback or ideas.

Blessed be!

Yule is Coming!

Both Yule and Secular Christmas are very happy times for me, and we'll get to the latter shortly. For those who don't know, Yule is a Pagan celebration and depending on who you ask it can mean several different things. Common elements, and what I celebrate have to do with rebirth, returning to the starting point, the promise of coming light, and storing your harvest for the winter. As such, I created this rad Yule tarot spread for you all! Don't worry if you can't read my writing. I'll go through it all underneath.

The Spread is four cards, and you can use any layout you want but this one really shouldn't require anything fancy. Before I share spreads, I go through them several times to make sure it works out and the flow is right, and I had the best readings when I just did the four cards in a straight line. The four cards laid out should be read in order of how you read them, with the placements meaning:

1) What should my Yule focus be? By this we mean how should you focus and direct your energy on this day. For those of us who do ritual, what should that ritual be about? For those who just meditate and think a lot of things through throughout the day, what should you be thinking about?

2) What parts of me need to be reborn? In other words, which parts of ourselves should be transforming and changing or looked at totally differently this season?

3) What should I do to plan and store for my future? (Pretty straightforward)

4) How can I use the energy and lessons of this Yule to increase my happiness moving forward?

Below is a sample reading. Please note that while I do occasionally share public readings, this one is just a sample. Do not take it as a reading meant for you, me, or anyone else. It was done with my Tarot of the Silicon Dawn by Egypt Urnash.

Here we see the four cards laid out in a straight-ish line. We have the Chariot, the Five of Swords, the Queen of Pentacles, and the Two of Swords. As a reader the first thing I do is look at everything all together. What are my big messages this Yule? In this sample, we have Two Swords and the Chariot, all of which have elements of pain or moving on from it. Perseverance is a concurrent thread, or lack of it as the case may be. I'll note which colors or symbols stand out to me and if I think that means anything. Then I make note (mental or otherwise) of those things and look at the placements and cards individually.

1) What should my Yule focus be? With the Chariot here most likely my spiritual energy is best spent pursuing and going deeper with ongoing spiritual work, and based on the interpretation in this deck, connecting with my body and putting the various pieces of my life into something streamlined.

2) What parts of me need to be reborn? With the 5 of Swords, the parts I'm looking at rebirthing or transforming are the parts of me that are getting trapped by past pain or current fears. So I'd spend some time journaling and thinking about what that rebirth looks like. Do I need to reassess how I process pain? How I use fear? Or do I just need to let the parts of me that have been hurt grow back or rejuvenate?

3) What should I do to plan and store for my future? The Queen of Pentacles likes things nice and lush, but is in a stable place in her life and can enjoy herself. She works very hard and knows she deserves the rewards that come with that. The cards are likely telling me to invest in nicer things so I don't have to replace them as often, and to keep growing my businesses and allowing them to flourish. Likewise, investing in my own companies would be a good idea here. Enjoying myself and sharing with others is also key this holiday season, as holding on to every penny and investing it all will not make me feel confident financially, which will not allow me to grow.

4) How can I use the energy and lessons of this Yule to increase my happiness moving forward? Two of Swords--take all of these lessons in, and clear my mind. This card has trouble seeing what's in front of it and is frequently called on when one needs to make big decisions. So my best course of action is to clear my mind, take the rest of the advice of the cards, and then take that leap of faith. In this deck, that is particularly true if that leap of faith requires letting things go or moving beyond them, which ties in nicely with our other cards. The Chariot wants me to push forward and the 5 of Swords wanted those pain filled parts of me to be reborn.

Hope you enjoy it! I love Yule as a time to celebrate the faithfulness of light, and the more disciplined, determined dieties I worship. Sun dieties especially come to me now, guiding me even when we can't see them. Yule is the same time as Winter Solstice every year, which makes it December 21st this year, but I designed this spread with the idea that you'd use it to prepare for the day. It's also a good end of year spread, but I'll be doing a specific end of year spread a little later this month too.

Another thing I love that people are surprised by is secular Christmas. I grew up in a Christian household and community and still hold many of Christ's teachings close to my chest. ("Love your neighbor as yourself, and love me as I have loved you" is still one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.) Christmas doesn't mean what it used to mean to me as my faith has evolved, but it still represents a time to celebrate hope, love, and time with family. The pressure of buying so many gifts gets really overwhelming for me sometimes, but I genuinely love the practice. I also love receiving gifts and anyone who says they don't is lying! However, Christmas absolutely has its pitfalls. It is SO commercialized, there is SO much pressure to be ON all the time, and so many people are basically forced to spend time with so many people who may not love and support them the rest of the year the way they claim to now. Last year me and my roommate decided to reject those parts, but we are in a place of privilege to have been able to do so. For the rest of us, this is my favorite "dealing with the holidays" spread I have ever found. Seriously, it's SO good. Do it as much as you need to as many times as you get stressed this holiday season. It will help.

In the meantime, Blessed Be!