A Spread for Helping a Loved One
Love languages are tricky. While I think the writings about them are important, I'm always a little skeptical when we try to box in or quantify people. Usually what I need from the people I love is quality time, a few snuggles, and support for my dreams. Still, when I'm dumped or feeling hopeless I need words of encouragement. When I'm not able to take care of myself properly because of financial or illness constraint I need acts of service or gifts. No one is one way and no one loves one way. This is complicated by the fact that while I receive love in those ways, I most often express it in encouraging words or gifts, so people assume that's all I need or what I want in return. Then there are times I truly believe no one knows what they want or need, so expressing it or asking for it becomes impossible. My queerplatonic partner right now is going through every bit the hard time I am. We can't find housing and it's really dampening both of our inner lights to not be out on our own (together) right now. Coupled with some job crises on their end, it's been really rough and my normal loved-one's intuition was severely hampered. As always when things are dark, I turned to the tarot for a simple, straightforward spread to see what they needed from me right now.
I know when creating spreads most readers start with overarching themes or ideas, but I nearly always put them last. This is because of how my anxiety works. I usually need the answers when I need them, and then I'm able to take a breathe and see the big picture. If my order of the card placements doesn't work for you, feel free to move them around. Tarot is fluid, and it's best when hyper-personalized.
For this spread, I just did three cards. Card 1 is What do they need me to do right now? The Sun lets me know that in remaining optimistic, family-oriented and confident their own mood will alter. As someone who prides herself on her whimsy who is dealing with a very Earthy Earth sign, this is likely also a note to get us not only having fun, but outside in the summer heat so we're not just sitting around fretting. This was an easy message to take though I haven't felt very optimistic lately. I do think that being compassionate to yourself is the most important thing except in extreme circumstances, but I can definitely get us outside and having fun, and I can definitely share my optimism when it does trickle in.
Card 2 is What do they need me to say right now? The three of cups is all about celebrating love and accomplishments, so my words of encouragement right now can be anything from affirming that I love them no matter what to reminding them of the good they're doing in the world in our lives. I was actually not super off track here, so that was affirming but does help me focus my "helper" energy to this stream.
Card 3 is the bigger picture card I mentioned that you may want to put first. It's What is my role in the things? The Seven of Cups assures me that they are still making decisions with our weird chosen family in mind. This is a card of choices and decisions, so helping make those as well as keeping that cups love flowing is part of my role right now. Knowing my steadfast qpp's heart and chosen relationship roles, it may even be guiding me to fulfill the role of being the primary decision-maker since they have SO much on their plate. The seven of cups is also a card of imagination that coupled with the sun reminds me to not stop dreaming and putting new ideas on the table for consideration.
A lot of times I sit down and work to create a spread I actively engage my imagination and toy with a few different ideas. This one came to me more intuitively and has helped ease the would-be burden beautifully. I also recommend recalibrating this spell for self-love and nurturing the sides of yourself that are feeling angsty.
Until next time, Blessed be.